Okay, so I guess, judging by the number of “Are you okay?” emails and PMs I recieved, that a bunch of you missed my daily rants. Lots of examples of how I've become the "cold pizza" or "morning coffee" that starts your day. I'm gratified. And lots of genuine concerns for my health and such! I truly appreciate the concerns. The reality is that I just wanted to take a little time off from writing stuff every day. I enjoyed waking up and simply tending to my personal affairs, my workout, and my business. I looked at all of the new crazy corals we've been getting in. OMG, did you see some of the Acans we have? Craziness. I did my taxes. I went surfing one morning. In short, I had a life for a week. Normal stuff.
Okay, a week was enough. I’m recharged and ready to get under your skin once again. Lots of fresh material in my head, which I’ll start rolling out here as I get off my lazy butt and write some more. Today, we’ll ease slowly back into it with one of my “reef culture” observations. I talk to so many reefers every day, that I figure I’m as qualified as anyone to make some social observations here.
Like any culture, reef keeping has its vernacular, technical jargon, and expressions. Of course, being deep inside the culture, it’s sometimes hard to step back and take an objective look. Fortuantely, you have me, the man with one foot on the pulse of reef culture, and the other in the water change bucket…aww, how did that happen AGAIN? Well, you get the idea- I can be your personal guide to the baffling lexicon of “reefspeak.”
Let’s look at some of the more common terms, used in context, so that we can analyze just what they really mean.
FIRST EXAMPLE:
You are talking to a livestock vendor, and the voice on the other end of the phone tells you something like, “ We don’t currently have that species available…We’re growing out a new crop, and we’ll let you know when it is available.”
C’mon, this is a no-brainer.
Translation: “We lost the mother colony and don’t foresee getting it back any time soon. In fact, we don’t ever think that we’ll get the coral back, as we’re too proud to ask reefers to hook us up with some so that we can re-start our propagation efforts with this one.”
"We miss you lots..."
SECOND EXAMPLE:
When you’re visiting with a fellow hobbyist and admiring his or her reef, you casually ask where they got that rare coral that you know is the hottest, most expensive thing on the ‘net, while his/her disapproving spouse (who would just as easily like to see the reef turned into a bookshelf) is within earshot. The answer is “Gee, well that was incredible..It was like a hitchhiker..I was tweaking some of the rock one day and I noticed this crazy little coral growing out of it…” (This theory totally ignores the fact that the coral in question is ridiculously colorful, just appeared two days before, is super small…and on a frag plug!).
We’ve seen this one so many times before it’s not even funny…right?
Translation: “I spent a lot of money on this frag from “insanelyexpensivecorals.net” with money earmarked for the kitchen remodel, and had it surreptitiously shipped to my (choose one) office/sister’s house/friend, and glued it to the rock carefully and quietly one evening while everyone was asleep.”
"This looks an awful lot like the 'Tierra del Fuego', but it just grew right out of the rock! Seriously"
THIRD EXAMPLE:
You’re visiting a fellow reefer and he is “apologizing” for the profusely growing algae and discolored corals in his reef. He assertively states, “I got a bad batch of “_________” salt mix, and everything has been dying!” When asked how long this has been going on, he indicates “Months!”
Ahh, lack of husbandry rears its ugly head yet again. Easier to blame a manufacturer’s defect for his ills.
Translation: “I have not made water changes on my system in almost a year. My reef was looking pretty bad. I finally made one last week and the corals did not improve, therefore, it must be a bad batch of salt…The lack of health cannot be correlated with my failure to maintain my tank. Nope.”
"It was the salt, man. Definitely a bad batch."
FOURTH EXAMPLE:
You’re at your favorite local fish store, and you spy an amazing Acropora colony in the big display tank behind the counter. You of course ask if they can sell you a frag. The response is, “No we can’t cut from that tank. It’s too invasive and we might damage something.”
On first thought, it’s sounding like another excuse to bash the LFS again…But think about it for a second…
Translation: “We’re total reefers, and we just can’t bear the thought of cutting up this beautiful coral, even if it involves us making money! It's our baby!” In MY book, that’s every reason I need to tell me why I WANT to do business with this store! They just told me that they love the coral as much as I do…How can we not let our frustrations go and just have ultimate respect for them?
"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"
FIFTH EXAMPLE:
“I don’t get why the corals are bleaching out. I checked every parameter and nothing is out of line.”
Oh, this is common, believe me!
Translation: “I checked my temperature, pH, nitrite and ammonia. They’re all good.” Of course, this fails to take into account alkalinity, calcium, nitrate, phosphate, magnesium, etc. You know, the ones that really indicate if the tank is suitable for coral? Oops.
"I have a complete set of test kits...somewhere."
BONUS EXAMPLE:
You’re with your friends at the frag swap/LFS/MACNA/RAP, etc. You proudly announce to your friends “I’m just going to check everything out. My tank is full, and my coral fund is tapped out at the moment. I’m gonna listen to the speakers.”
Uhuh.
Translation: You’re attempting to talk yourself out of spending a chunk of cash on new corals, and there’s little doubt that you won't be able to. You’re in a virtual coral frenzy, surrounded by your enabling reefer buddies. And, the vendors accept credit cards.
You’re so screwed.
You surely must have numerous examples of “reefspeak” translations, and we’d all love to see ‘em!
Okay, that’s my social observation today. Just getting my “reef legs” back after taking a few days off from ranting. I’ve got a bunch of fresh material that I’m ramping up. Starting gently today…Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to write some stuff that will get your BP up in the next few days.
It’s my job.
Stay connected to your reef. Share your frags with your pals.
And stay wet.
Scott Fellman
Unique Corals
Okay, a week was enough. I’m recharged and ready to get under your skin once again. Lots of fresh material in my head, which I’ll start rolling out here as I get off my lazy butt and write some more. Today, we’ll ease slowly back into it with one of my “reef culture” observations. I talk to so many reefers every day, that I figure I’m as qualified as anyone to make some social observations here.
Like any culture, reef keeping has its vernacular, technical jargon, and expressions. Of course, being deep inside the culture, it’s sometimes hard to step back and take an objective look. Fortuantely, you have me, the man with one foot on the pulse of reef culture, and the other in the water change bucket…aww, how did that happen AGAIN? Well, you get the idea- I can be your personal guide to the baffling lexicon of “reefspeak.”
Let’s look at some of the more common terms, used in context, so that we can analyze just what they really mean.
FIRST EXAMPLE:
You are talking to a livestock vendor, and the voice on the other end of the phone tells you something like, “ We don’t currently have that species available…We’re growing out a new crop, and we’ll let you know when it is available.”
C’mon, this is a no-brainer.
Translation: “We lost the mother colony and don’t foresee getting it back any time soon. In fact, we don’t ever think that we’ll get the coral back, as we’re too proud to ask reefers to hook us up with some so that we can re-start our propagation efforts with this one.”
"We miss you lots..."
SECOND EXAMPLE:
When you’re visiting with a fellow hobbyist and admiring his or her reef, you casually ask where they got that rare coral that you know is the hottest, most expensive thing on the ‘net, while his/her disapproving spouse (who would just as easily like to see the reef turned into a bookshelf) is within earshot. The answer is “Gee, well that was incredible..It was like a hitchhiker..I was tweaking some of the rock one day and I noticed this crazy little coral growing out of it…” (This theory totally ignores the fact that the coral in question is ridiculously colorful, just appeared two days before, is super small…and on a frag plug!).
We’ve seen this one so many times before it’s not even funny…right?
Translation: “I spent a lot of money on this frag from “insanelyexpensivecorals.net” with money earmarked for the kitchen remodel, and had it surreptitiously shipped to my (choose one) office/sister’s house/friend, and glued it to the rock carefully and quietly one evening while everyone was asleep.”
"This looks an awful lot like the 'Tierra del Fuego', but it just grew right out of the rock! Seriously"
THIRD EXAMPLE:
You’re visiting a fellow reefer and he is “apologizing” for the profusely growing algae and discolored corals in his reef. He assertively states, “I got a bad batch of “_________” salt mix, and everything has been dying!” When asked how long this has been going on, he indicates “Months!”
Ahh, lack of husbandry rears its ugly head yet again. Easier to blame a manufacturer’s defect for his ills.
Translation: “I have not made water changes on my system in almost a year. My reef was looking pretty bad. I finally made one last week and the corals did not improve, therefore, it must be a bad batch of salt…The lack of health cannot be correlated with my failure to maintain my tank. Nope.”
"It was the salt, man. Definitely a bad batch."
FOURTH EXAMPLE:
You’re at your favorite local fish store, and you spy an amazing Acropora colony in the big display tank behind the counter. You of course ask if they can sell you a frag. The response is, “No we can’t cut from that tank. It’s too invasive and we might damage something.”
On first thought, it’s sounding like another excuse to bash the LFS again…But think about it for a second…
Translation: “We’re total reefers, and we just can’t bear the thought of cutting up this beautiful coral, even if it involves us making money! It's our baby!” In MY book, that’s every reason I need to tell me why I WANT to do business with this store! They just told me that they love the coral as much as I do…How can we not let our frustrations go and just have ultimate respect for them?
"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"
FIFTH EXAMPLE:
“I don’t get why the corals are bleaching out. I checked every parameter and nothing is out of line.”
Oh, this is common, believe me!
Translation: “I checked my temperature, pH, nitrite and ammonia. They’re all good.” Of course, this fails to take into account alkalinity, calcium, nitrate, phosphate, magnesium, etc. You know, the ones that really indicate if the tank is suitable for coral? Oops.
"I have a complete set of test kits...somewhere."
BONUS EXAMPLE:
You’re with your friends at the frag swap/LFS/MACNA/RAP, etc. You proudly announce to your friends “I’m just going to check everything out. My tank is full, and my coral fund is tapped out at the moment. I’m gonna listen to the speakers.”
Uhuh.
Translation: You’re attempting to talk yourself out of spending a chunk of cash on new corals, and there’s little doubt that you won't be able to. You’re in a virtual coral frenzy, surrounded by your enabling reefer buddies. And, the vendors accept credit cards.
You’re so screwed.
You surely must have numerous examples of “reefspeak” translations, and we’d all love to see ‘em!
Okay, that’s my social observation today. Just getting my “reef legs” back after taking a few days off from ranting. I’ve got a bunch of fresh material that I’m ramping up. Starting gently today…Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to write some stuff that will get your BP up in the next few days.
It’s my job.
Stay connected to your reef. Share your frags with your pals.
And stay wet.
Scott Fellman
Unique Corals
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