Anyone up for a fun thread? What’s the worst meal you or someone ever cooked for you?

[SaltyCupcake]

I baked a cake and I mistook the salt for the sugar. Yuck! My whole face felt like it retracted in on itself when I took that first bite.

 

[ScottR]

What is that gray/brown thing? Stinky tofu?

I believe some form of preserved egg. Perhaps duck?

 

[ScottR]

I baked a cake and I mistook the salt for the sugar. Yuck! My whole face felt like it retracted in on itself when I took that first bite.

Hence your name?

 

[SaltyCupcake]

Hence your name?

Hahaha, it is pretty apropos!

 

[fish farmer]

When I was in culinary school many years ago one of our classes was with a French Master Chef, who was extremely strict, and very old school. He was also relatively senile and more than a little passionate (crazy). When he was young and dragged into a professional kitchen by his grandfather, there was a rule that if you burned it you had to eat it. He warned us not to burn anything in his kitchen otherwise we would be eating it. I took him very seriously, especially after he told us his grandfather had made him eat an entire sheet tray of burned chickens he was supposed to roast and had forgotten about while in the oven, he assured us, it was the last time he ever burned anything. (I believed him wholeheartedly).

So flash forward to my less than talented blockmate (class member) who really wasn’t cut out to be a professional chef (He sucked). He managed to scorch about 5 gallons of New England Clam Chowder (the cream type) Which was for that days service. Guess what... he spent everyday for the next week eating burnt clam chowder before service. I’m not sure if any of you have ever tried a scorched cream based soup before, but it’s absolutely repugnant! I suspect he did a fair amount of puking everyday after choking down as much as he could before service. Chef Michelle stuck to his guns with his policy, I’m not sure Ryan ate it all, but he learned his lesson. I can tell you what I made sure I never burned anything after watching that experience!

This reminds me of a bakery I worked at. I worked in the basement with the assistant baker all day mixing cookie dough, frostings, etc. I never had to do any baking which was done upstairs in this rotating oven by the front of house kids.

I came in one morning and there were these trash bags by the door filled with burnt brownies, they had been baking all night long. I guess the boss was really angry...but he was always angry by 8am since he had been working most of the night.

I asked the assistant baker if he wanted me to toss them, "No the boss is trying to figure if we can use them for something."

 

[badluckman]

I was in a hurry and was leaving for a fishing trip, thought I'd make a sandwhich before I left. My brain said "Eggs are good. Tuna is good. Mayo is good. Put it on bread and get going!"

That was the most awful tasting combination of things to have on a sandwhich that I've ever tried. I mean, it was legendarily awful - still remember the taste and my gag reflex starts going when I think back on it. Needless to say I caught nothing, as a hungry fisherman catches no fish..

 

[Joekovar]

In my early 20's we were down to having to get creative with the few things we had left.

I tried using all in one cherry kool-Aid/sweetener mix as a substitute for sugar to make a cake.

I still shudder when I think about tasting it.

 

[X-37B]

Made some homemade macaroni and cheese which is always great. Except I was out of milk and grabbed condensed milk instead of evaporated from the pantry.
Served it up without tasting it, which I always do, and wow it was desert-a-roni. Horribly sweetened cheese.

 

[Redfoxtang]

More funny than anything. My wife let our daughter try and make us biscuits and gravy for breakfast one morning. Wife made the sausage and left the rest for her. Well upon making the gravy she mixed up flour for powered sugar! Well my first big bite into that meal was not to great!! She tried though it was a good laugh for me and not the wife lol.

 

[JCOLE]

My wife is a great cook. My boys and I love home cooked meal nights.......but there was this one time. Long ago before we had kids, etc she was trying out here cooking skills on me and I ate some cube steak. I don't remember that night much except I slept in the bathroom. To this day I cannot eat cube steak and that used to be my favorite.

 

[Billdogg]

Two for me. I was single until I was 41 so I had plenty of time to, um, experiment.

The first was a pork loin in the crock pot. I had been watching some cooking show where they used wine. I thought - GREAT IDEA! So a poured a whole bottle of very cheap wine into the crock with the pork loin. It was like eating formaldehyde. Straight to the trash (outside) It sunk up the whole house.

Then there was Stir Fry. For the record, I do a mean stir fry. I also like spicy. Great Combo! Except I decided that just adding whole Asian peppers wasn't enough, so I chopped about 15 of them up and tossed them in. As I was stirring, I got hit in the face with steaming mace. My entire face was beet red, snot running down, eyes on fire, the whole works. It made Gas Chamber day in basic training seem like a clear fresh spring day.

 

[NS Mike D]

I used to be a competitive BBQer , state champ in ribs and more than my share of first place trophies for steak/beef grilling as well.

With all the pedigree I invited a co-worker and his wife for dinner. Mind you we both were regulars at Sparks and could walk into a packed house there and Abdul would bump a reservation so we didn't have to wait. Had my Lugers credit cards etc. We were no strangers to perfection when it comes to beef.

You might say, the steak stakes were high. (groan)

I chose to use the oven broiler over the weber that night for a number of reasons related to being a good host. They arrived, we open a battle of Caymus and we were enjoying the evening when I realized I had lost track of the last minutes of bone-in prime rib eyes under broiler I hand picked ta the butcher that morning. I jumped up and dashed to the oven.

I threw open the oven and in that instant I knew darn well from experience they were passing medium so that medium well was assured with the rest time. The perfect medium rare was history. So in my haste, I frantically slung those steaks out of the oven as each nano second was another step closer to leather.

And lost my grip on the broiling pan.....




Just as Jim entered the kitchen.....



To witness those over-cooked steaks land on the floor.



Jim was a good sport - no doubt his ability not to panic is why he runs a private bank in NJ now. We quietly agreed not to tell the wives what just occurred, grabbed some paper towels to get rid of the evidence and we all sat down to eat those over cooked floor dirtied steaks.


Not my worst cook, but certainly the farthest fall from expectations.

 

[Billdogg]

This one was my Mom's. 1952. The first dinner at their new place with his parents. Grandpa was a successful business man in town, Grandma was his very stern, prim and proper wife.

The silver was shined. The crystal was sparkling. Ham, scalloped potatoes, all the fixin's. The meal had gone off without a hitch! Mom went into the kitchen to bring out dessert. Then she stumbled on the carpet runner on the way back in. The dessert went flying. Directly into my Grandma's lap. Pineapple upside down cake (on the short list of my favorites btw). Right side up - gooey pineapple stuff down.

One of her favorite stories over the years (at least when Grandma wasn't around)

 

[CubsFan]

When I was a small child, maybe 2nd or 3rd grade, my mom went out of town and my dad took over lunch duty. With the best intentions, he gave me a choice of sandwiches that I wouldn’t discover until lunch time. One half of the sandwich was pb&j and the other half was a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard. He put them in the same baggie, popped it in the brown sack lunch with an apple and juice box, and likely dusted off his hands and thought to himself “nailed it!”.

When I opened my lunch, the sandwiches were smashed together creating a nightmare I still must subconsciously deal with. It’s amazing I remember it all these years later. There were folks there that made sure the kids ate all of their lunch. I had to choke down both halves. I cried. Poor little CubsFan.

 

[Mastiffsrule]

I was in a hurry and was leaving for a fishing trip, thought I'd make a sandwhich before I left. My brain said "Eggs are good. Tuna is good. Mayo is good. Put it on bread and get going!"

That was the most awful tasting combination of things to have on a sandwhich that I've ever tried. I mean, it was legendarily awful - still remember the taste and my gag reflex starts going when I think back on it. Needless to say I caught nothing, as a hungry fisherman catches no fish..

This will haunt my food related dreams. Aughh

 

[Crustaceon]

A few more:

Brushed my teeth and then ate sour patch kids.... Instant critical mass of gross. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a blue flash of neutron radiation emanating from my mouth at that precise moment.

Tamarindo of any kind. Looks like dog doo, tastes like what I’d imagine fermented prunes mixed with dog doo would taste like. They’re sold on plastic spoons here and I don’t know how the spoons can take it.

 

[fish farmer]

A few more:

Brushed my teeth and then ate sour patch kids.... Instant critical mass of gross. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a blue flash of neutron radiation emanating from my mouth at that precise moment.

Tamarindo of any kind. Looks like dog doo, tastes like what I’d imagine fermented prunes mixed with dog doo would taste like. They’re sold on plastic spoons here and I don’t know how the spoons can take it.

My dad lives on the border of Mexico, he gave me a house "warming" present many years ago. It was a box loaded with a good Mexican cookbook (thankfully in English), various dried chiles, guava paste, mango paste, anchiote, various dried herbs and tamarind pods.

I still have the pods in a jar.....15 years later.

I think there were some salted dates as well....who salts dates;Vomit.

 

[Crustaceon]

My dad lives on the border of Mexico, he gave me a house "warming" present many years ago. It was a box loaded with a good Mexican cookbook (thankfully in English), various dried chiles, guava paste, mango paste, anchiote, various dried herbs and tamarind pods.

I still have the pods in a jar.....15 years later.

I think there were some salted dates as well....who salts dates;Vomit.

Everything but the Tamarind pods sounds good. This is coming from a San Diegan who gets to try all kinds of stuff from south of the border. (I still pass on menudo).

 

[LRT]

Two for me. I was single until I was 41 so I had plenty of time to, um, experiment.

The first was a pork loin in the crock pot. I had been watching some cooking show where they used wine. I thought - GREAT IDEA! So a poured a whole bottle of very cheap wine into the crock with the pork loin. It was like eating formaldehyde. Straight to the trash (outside) It sunk up the whole house.

Then there was Stir Fry. For the record, I do a mean stir fry. I also like spicy. Great Combo! Except I decided that just adding whole Asian peppers wasn't enough, so I chopped about 15 of them up and tossed them in. As I was stirring, I got hit in the face with steaming mace. My entire face was beet red, snot running down, eyes on fire, the whole works. It made Gas Chamber day in basic training seem like a clear fresh spring day.

This is me almost every night with the Thai peppers lol. Ground up, sliced and whole in almost every meal. Meed to offset with plenty of mint in laab and just about anything. Coconut milk in curry. Plain white rice. It's all about the sides with spicy lol

 

[Crabs McJones]

Wife tried making some recipe she found on pinterest. I still to this day dont know what was in it, but it was absolutely horrible. She agreed