Anyone up for a fun thread? What’s the worst meal you or someone ever cooked for you?

[Crustaceon]

Two for me. I was single until I was 41 so I had plenty of time to, um, experiment.

The first was a pork loin in the crock pot. I had been watching some cooking show where they used wine. I thought - GREAT IDEA! So a poured a whole bottle of very cheap wine into the crock with the pork loin. It was like eating formaldehyde. Straight to the trash (outside) It sunk up the whole house.

Then there was Stir Fry. For the record, I do a mean stir fry. I also like spicy. Great Combo! Except I decided that just adding whole Asian peppers wasn't enough, so I chopped about 15 of them up and tossed them in. As I was stirring, I got hit in the face with steaming mace. My entire face was beet red, snot running down, eyes on fire, the whole works. It made Gas Chamber day in basic training seem like a clear fresh spring day.

My brother had a similar experience one night when I was sautéing habaneros. He was upstairs, smelled something good, came down to check it out and put his face about six inches from the skillet to take a good whiff. Best night ever.

 

[Chefwheredyougo]

First time I came to my fiance's house to hangout, she "made" dinner. It was supposed to be roast chicken, risotto, and french green beans or something. Turned out, burnt chicken, (like the bone was charred throughout), "mashed potatoes" made out of rice, and burnt little twigs with salt. I suffered through it, but she no longer cooks anymore

 

[Dolelo96]

My girlfriend at the time, now my wife of 13 years tried to kill me...
That's what I tell her, our kids, and anybody who will listen..
The very first time she cooked for me I got sick.. like fire hose at both ends sick... For 2 days.....
And I have done the cooking since.. I also like to say she burns water...

My wife did the same thing with Cornish game hens ;Woot

Smart women..who does most of the cooking now

 

[NY_Caveman]

What’s the worst meal someone ever cooked for you?

 

[sp1187]

the first ex wife served me scallop potatoes..... after they had been sitting out on the counter for 24 hours.
let's try "what gives you food poisoning" for $200 Alex.
;Vomit

 

[Paulie069]

the first ex wife served me scallop potatoes..... after they had been sitting out on the counter for 24 hours.
let's try "what gives you food poisoning" for $200 Alex.
;Vomit

Rememberone time when first married wife made horrible meal,, I gave it to the dog and when he finished he started to lick his butt,, my wife goes “ why is he doing that?” I said ,, He’s probably trying to kill the taste. Lol she wasn’t amused

 

[divermike_99]

man i was in the navy, do i need to say more ?

 

[Flippers4pups]

Courtesy of the US Army:

 

[Dolelo96]

First, I need to preface this story by admitting I was born and raised a Yankee. At the time I started dating my husband, I had never seen a grit, had no idea what red-eye gravy was and crumbling cornbread in a cup of Buttermilk? Yeah, no. Anyway, I come out to breakfast just in time to see his grandmother crack eggs in the grease from the bacon and sausage. These eggs were floating in grease. Okay, I'll deal with it. How bad can it be, and as far as I'm concerned, bacon should be a daily requirement. Out comes the biscuits, so things are looking good. Who doesn't love warm biscuits with butter? I spoke too soon. She pulls out a can of something called Beverly Sausage and proceeds to POUR this pink looking stuff that makes SPAM look like Filet Minon, into the frying pan. My mother always told me that it was rude if someone cooked for me, and I didn't at least eat a spoonful of what was being served. The first time I broke her rule was that day. Consider me rude. Then he brought me to his other grandparent's home that afternoon. I was so excited, it smelled wonderful. She had just taken a pan of homemade cornbread out of the oven. Finally, normal food. Nope, not happening. I watched, in horror, as she crumbled cornbread into a cup and proceeded to pour buttermilk over it.

So, what happened the next time he brought me to Ft. Mill? I told everyone I was a vegetarian.

 

[Crustaceon]

Courtesy of the US Army:

I’ve heard...things about this one...

 

[PerplexyHexy]

My friends wife made some type of quinoa rice and it was all slimy and cold... I tried to hold it back, but I was seriously throwing up in my mouth... tried to hold it together... between that and all the craft ipa beer I had drank I was ready to explode... absolutely the nastiest thing I ever had... and I have no filter and Im brutally honest... I told her I couldn’t eat it and it tasted like booty juice... hahahha!!! Im such a turd, but Im working on that now... lol
(Click the picture to see exactly what I looked like)

 

[PeaBrain]

My sister made waffles for the family one Christmas morn. Instead of pan spray, she accidentally used infused cooking oil. "Good morning! Garlic waffles?"

 

[ca1ore]

I’m actually a pretty decent cook, but I rarely use a recipe. Tried making a classic southern gumbo with home made roux. It was a classic alright ..... just not in a good, or edible, way. Even the dog wouldn’t touch it and she eats literally anything (four legged garbage can).

 

[r20crazy]

hot pockets….. ;Doctor

 

[Fezbearer]

Hard tack

 

[flsalty]

My first wife could not cook. The funniest thing was one Thanksgiving. I was working third shift so I came home and went to bed. I was told Thanksgiving dinner would be ready when I got up. I got up and didn't smell anything so I checked the oven the turkey was in there, uncooked. So I walked into the living room and she says it's almost done. I say oh really...

It turns out she turned the oven on but the pilot blew out. Luckily we didn't blow up.

 

[92Miata]

My mother in law made us some sort of italian one-pot meal. She's done it a couple times and it was actually pretty good when done correctly.


The first time she made it though - somehow through transcribing her notes/etc, "3 cloves of garlic, minced" became "3 tablespoons of clove powder".

It was bad - not "it tastes bad" but "I think I might die because my sinuses/etc are going nuts bad"

 

[tautog83]

When fish are considered "great in chowder" that means you chop them up in little pieces and hide them in potatos, spices and milk.

Anyway I had caught some scup and have never really tried them. I'm a decent cook so we gave them a shot on vacation. I think I filleted and breaded them and pan fried, usually pretty standard way to cook fish. They came out very fishy and strong.........I'll use them for bait next time.

My mom and I tried cooking sea urchin one time...this was years ago before sushi was a thing in the US. I think we boiled them and then they went in the trash.

Why did the shark cross the reef?

TO get to the other tide!!

Porgies arent that bad at all especily if you just caught them . At least the northeast variety , I'm pretty sure southern ones arent bad either. Although I think.theres one kind that's eh not so great .jolthead? I dunno lol.

Anyways this isnt really a "meal " but coming from a traditional Italian family food is a big part of the day and in general it makes us happy lol when I started dating my gf she asked me if I've ever had brown bread in a can . The first thing I thought is uhh bread in a can ...what ?? Well needless to say I tried it and if you're ever wondering if you should try it, you definatley shouldnt .

 

[Viking_Reefing]

Well, at least one of the worst thing I’ve ever cooked myself was when I was going to do some sort of Indian food.
I went down to the supermarket, recipe in hand, to get the ingredients.
I remember not being able to find a specific spice, grabbing something else thinking “this is basically the same thing”.
Spoiler: it wasn’t “basically the same thing”. The freaking stew or whatever tasted like freaking perfume....and I made tons of it!

 

[fish farmer]

First, I need to preface this story by admitting I was born and raised a Yankee. At the time I started dating my husband, I had never seen a grit, had no idea what red-eye gravy was and crumbling cornbread in a cup of Buttermilk? Yeah, no. Anyway, I come out to breakfast just in time to see his grandmother crack eggs in the grease from the bacon and sausage. These eggs were floating in grease. Okay, I'll deal with it. How bad can it be, and as far as I'm concerned, bacon should be a daily requirement. Out comes the biscuits, so things are looking good. Who doesn't love warm biscuits with butter? I spoke too soon. She pulls out a can of something called Beverly Sausage and proceeds to POUR this pink looking stuff that makes SPAM look like Filet Minon, into the frying pan. My mother always told me that it was rude if someone cooked for me, and I didn't at least eat a spoonful of what was being served. The first time I broke her rule was that day. Consider me rude. Then he brought me to his other grandparent's home that afternoon. I was so excited, it smelled wonderful. She had just taken a pan of homemade cornbread out of the oven. Finally, normal food. Nope, not happening. I watched, in horror, as she crumbled cornbread into a cup and proceeded to pour buttermilk over it.

So, what happened the next time he brought me to Ft. Mill? I told everyone I was a vegetarian.

When I went food shopping the other day, no oatmeal, no cream of wheat............plenty of grits, well for a Vermont store three boxes is plenty. I almost bought some to go next to my can of boil peanuts. Maple syrup would probably pair well with grits .