Has passive aggressive, can be interpreted as insulting comments always been the norm on R2R?

Bleigh

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I’m really silly. I’ve been accused of trolling by @Cheche, who was CERTAIN i was a bot. ;Hilarious He also now makes jokes about it too. So it’s super funny. But if you didn’t see how that friendship started to form, I could see how that would look weird. But even before the misunderstanding was cleared up, I just thought it was funny, I knew he’d come around to my silliness. He was pretty annoyed at me at first though - (did I pm you Cheche?) So sometimes even when there are disagreements or misunderstandings, they may get worked out behind the scenes.

I don’t tend to get bothered unless I see a pattern by the same person to multiple different people. It happens, but I’d say it’s rare and not well tolerated here. I like to think we tend to coach it out of people or they leave. ;)
 
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Dancingmad

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"The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. Its FINE."

Sorry, I can't help myself.


52598398_718919015170633_5949520918987407360_n.jpg

I've seen several posts as of late on this / similar matters - my approach is to view everyone's post in the best possible light (even if its clearly not). We have to remember we don't get any non verbal cues here, and there are some awesome people out there that just happen to speak/type in an abrasive manner. There are some folks that like to debate too, and take their position very seriously. Gettin' heated, both sides looking for truth. Good stuff.
 
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Alex Sadowsky

Alex Sadowsky

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I guess my problem is I want to call these “repeat offenders” out but that would only serve to exasperate the problem. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. It has helped calm me down. Haha. Sometimes I’ll type a whole post and just delete it because it’s too abrasive towards someone who I think has been rude. I guess I just want some people to filter themselves a little better. But then again I do understand that what I want doesn’t matter.
 

S2G

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Congrats to the new baby! That’s exciting!

I think it depends. There are people from all over the world here, so cultural norms may vary greatly. Also, people are passionate about this hobby. I wouldn’t be surprised if that passion doesn’t bleed out sometimes. From my experience, most people don’t mean to be ugly. Sometimes people are typing while at work or with family and can come across as abrupt because they’re busy with other things - not because they mean to be rude. Also, some people have made real friendships on here. Something that may seem rude, may be them just bantering.

But if you see something that really is problematic, feel free to report it. You can also report people for being awesome. (Feel free to report me for amazing humor. Cause we all know, I think I’m the funniest person in the room.)
This is me. Im usually typing on the go.

I also think if you have a problem with someone's post a PM wouldn't be unreasonable. Well a civil PM anyway
 

Silver14SS

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I guess my problem is I want to call these “repeat offenders” out but that would only serve to exasperate the problem. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. It has helped calm me down. Haha. Sometimes I’ll type a whole post and just delete it because it’s too abrasive towards someone who I think has been rude. I guess I just want some people to filter themselves a little better. But then again I do understand that what I want doesn’t matter.
The ignore button can be a good solution for those who continually annoy you. No point in letting some stranger on the internet ruin your day :)

Congrats on the new frag :p
 

blstravler

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I have noticed in the last few days on a lot of threads that there is a level of passive aggressiveness that I’m not comfortable with. I have read numerous posts that seem insulting and then when someone responds, the person backs off. Is it unintentional? Is it that people don’t read their posts to see how it can be interpreted. I noticed this when members have opposing views on things. Maybe it’s not even passive aggressiveness. I just know I was sitting up all night last night (we are in the hospital, my wife gave birth to our second daughter) and I was getting angry at the way some members “speak” to others on the forum. Maybe I’m wrong and I’m just interpreting things incorrectly. Does anyone else feel this way?
First - Congratulations! Second I agree and this is the reason I don’t post to often on touchy subjects. It’s just not worth my time.
 

scriptmonkey

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So I know from experience that with text it usually depends on mindset how some including myself interprets tone of an text based message/post. I try to give people the benefit of a doubt if it could go either way. But usually unless someone is using sentence enhancers I just let it go like Elsa.
 
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Alex Sadowsky

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I blame the Neptune Systems Trident, it cause all civility to cease on reef2reef the day it was released. Shame. :)
That’s funny.

I find that most of these instances arise on threads about issues with certain products. The fritz issue, the Red Sea cracking/blowouts, and in particular the thread from the summer with the gentleman that rescued the sick Petco fish. Then it’s always blaming the person for mistakes or suggesting lack of experience that I don’t think a seasoned reefer would make or have because it’s apparently not possible that a product could be bad or have a design flaw. People share their experiences and make assertions which is what a forum is all about. But then I noticed when some disagree they go on the attack. Does this hobby produce intense brand loyalty that people feel the need to defend the slightest mention of a question about “their” brand?

Then I notice people get aggressive ( my interpretation of the conversation) even when it’s not “their” brand. I guess maybe some people are just confrontational. I know I’m rambling but there isn’t much else to do. I have the baby in one arm and the phone in the other.
 

scriptmonkey

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That’s funny.

I find that most of these instances arise on threads about issues with certain products. The fritz issue, the Red Sea cracking/blowouts, and in particular the thread from the summer with the gentleman that rescued the sick Petco fish. Then it’s always blaming the person for mistakes or suggesting lack of experience that I don’t think a seasoned reefer would make or have because it’s apparently not possible that a product could be bad or have a design flaw. People share their experiences and make assertions which is what a forum is all about. But then I noticed when some disagree they go on the attack. Does this hobby produce intense brand loyalty that people feel the need to defend the slightest mention of a question about “their” brand?

Then I notice people get aggressive ( my interpretation of the conversation) even when it’s not “their” brand. I guess maybe some people are just confrontational. I know I’m rambling but there isn’t much else to do. I have the baby in one arm and the phone in the other.
Congratulations!


I agree with those types of post leads to usually polarization. People take gear seriously and they forget everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings (screw you Aquamaxx!)
 

Bleigh

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"The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. Its FINE."


Sorry, I can't help myself.


52598398_718919015170633_5949520918987407360_n.jpg

I've seen several posts as of late on this / similar matters - my approach is to view everyone's post in the best possible light (even if its clearly not). We have to remember we don't get any non verbal cues here, and there are some awesome people out there that just happen to speak/type in an abrasive manner. There are some folks that like to debate too, and take their position very seriously. Gettin' heated, both sides looking for truth. Good stuff.
I do the same thing. And I always assume it’s mean to be funny and witty but just missed the mark a little if it’s not too nice.

I will say... I enjoy debating. Use to thethe president of the club in high school. ;Happy
 

scriptmonkey

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I do the same thing. And I always assume it’s mean to be funny and witty but just missed the mark a little if it’s not too nice.

I will say... I enjoy debating. Use to thethe president of the club in high school. ;Happy
I really think that is what is wrong with society, we cannot debate/talk anymore without having to fill out a hurt feelings report.
 
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Bleigh

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I really think that is what is wrong with society, we cannot debate/talk anymore without having to fill out a hurt feelings report.
Now... I was never a spelling bee winner. Never even got close... ;Hilarious
 

scriptmonkey

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I haven't seen this personally but sometimes people get a little passive aggressive when people ignore advice about a fish that could be perceived as animal abuse for e.g. a dog in the equilivant situation
"Hey, I think something is wrong, my tang is floating sideways in my 2 day old 10gal tank"
 

Bleigh

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"Hey, I think something is wrong, my tang is floating sideways in my 2 day old 10gal tank"
Yeah. In those cases though, I kind of blame the store. I think a lot of people see fish similar to plants until they really get into the hobby. A lot of people eat fish so a dead fish may not seem so terrible.

My grandpa was a beef cattle farmer. And we regularly ate cows that I loved. I never thought anything about it until I got older and people would ask. Still doesn’t bother me. But I didn’t even know to be bothered cause it was normal. Someone who sees a fish in a tank as no different than a fillet of salmon may honestly not have the same Initial appreciation for them as animals as we do. I can roll my eyes that they didn’t do any research... but at least they’re reaching out somewhere, even if it’s too late for the first fish. Im tankful they’re not cycling through tons more.
 

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