How to know if you want kids

[Fezbearer]

If I had the yard for them, I would totally have kids.

 

[jaganshi066]

This one is going to pretty good.... Little background... im 34 with one daughter that I had at a very young 20 years old. It was a very negative experience and a very brutal time because of issues with my girlfriend at the time. I have been with my now wife who is 33yrs old for going on 7 years now. Ive always said I didn't want anymore kids and was all done and she's been understanding up until recently. Baby fever for his is coming on pretty strong, she wants to be a mother more than anything. So here's the issue I am so torn whether I want to have a family that we are actually a family or just stay just us two and the two dogs.
Being a firefighter I dont make a ton of money, actually I struggle to pay my bills. She's an ER nurse and does make decent money, so there's also the fear of not being financially comfortable. I enjoy just having my time to myself, days off getting up whenever I feel like it, saying screw it and going on a cruise or spending the day riding my dirt bike or street bike. But then there's the other side of me that wants a family, to be a parent to a child that actually has a married not hating each other mom and dad, teach them how to ride motorcycles and play sports and all that fun stuff. Go away as a family.
Thats my dilemma, obviously I wont be making my decision based off of this and its something me and her will have to really think about. Just wanted to hear some of you guys stories and what made you decide, kids or no kids

I understand your situation a little bit but if you’ve been with her for 7 years I think that’s already a good sign. Nowadays being married that long is rare. To chime in I understand or I think a lot of people do about bad relationships in the past, but now I’m 32 and my girlfriend has a kid. I never imagined myself being with someone who has a kid cause of the way my parents taught me and how I grew up (conservative christian), but even though I’m not married I can tell you it’s a lot of money and even more time consuming than I imagined. I definitely feel like I don’t have a relationship with my girlfriend anymore it’s all about the kid and sadly I probably have to leave. Off topic but she went through my phone and saw my stock portfolio and now expects me to help her with rent and helping out her whole family. I have my own place, but I’m saying all this because it seems like you have been with someone for 7 years and found a good girl. I think you both have great jobs and maybe later on you might regret not having a kid. Just my humble opinion

 

[Zionas]

I really want to have kids of my own and hopefully reefing will have made significant advances by then. Honestly though, this sounds like a downer but there are many things where I don’t disagree with when it comes to pessimistic predictions later into the century. There are days where euthanasia’s in some little corner at the back of my mind, not kidding. Sorry if this depresses you guys. It’s like I’m caught between “the future will have better things” and “all looks bleak.”

 

[Zionas]

For a while I was a pretty hardcore Christian as well, and I’m currently in the same situation as you when it comes to my girlfriend though I’m a bit younger.

I look at some marriages of older people that have lasted decades and are going strong and that’s what I want for myself, but I can’t see myself being a stepdad and always see myself having kids of my own.

We do get along well most of the time and I’m afraid I’ll never someone better (if at all) in the worst case scenario. I’m 24 turning 25 and this gives me lots of anxiety I just don’t let everyone know.

 

[jaganshi066]

Other than the financial part, you will never come first or even second in her life or i lm talking in my experience. I’ll send you a YouTube video later it’s so accurate. And then when you try to teach the kid she will get mad, she will want the good things like helping to pay for things, watching the kid but you’ll never come first

 

[Zionas]

So you think that’s gonna be the case even if she’s not outright bad to me huh. I’d hate the feeling of being 2nd or not even second place.

I had nothing to do with this kid for the first 6-7 years of her life.

 

[josephxsxn]

I wasn't sure if I wanted kids of not. I talked to alot of old guys who both had and didn't have kids in thier lifetimes... The theme I got was all the guys that didn't have kids regretted it, and the guys that did have kids didn't regret it in the end (doesn't mean it was easy of course.) Has that feel of somthing you may miss out on. Best of luck to you mate!

 

[jaganshi066]

So you think that’s gonna be the case even if she’s not outright bad to me huh. I’d hate the feeling of being 2nd or not even second place.

I had nothing to do with this kid for the first 6-7 years of her life.

I’m just saying from my experience then after looking at this guy’s YouTube channel I was like he’s right

 

[Zionas]

I’ve even made a “vow” of sorts to have at least some of my fish witness me starting a family.

 

[Snuggs]

We raised 5 kids thru all the struggles that usually happen with life.
The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is grandchildren.
I adore my grandkids and am blessed to have 3 of them 5 mins away from us.
They have been the greatest blessing of my life and have taught me more about love and innocence than you can imagine.

Also raised five children. It was difficult at times. Of course it was also expensive. Ultimately it has been more fulfilling than any vacation or fancy car could ever be. And you are right, my grandchildren are also five minutes away. They bring such joy and happiness. There are no words for it

 

[Zionas]

I’d rather invest into my kids (when I have them) than a luxury car or vacation. I want to be able to protect them from being someone’s wage slave.

 

[jaganshi066]

Also raised five children. It was difficult at times. Of course it was also expensive. Ultimately it has been more fulfilling than any vacation or fancy car could ever be. And you are right, my grandchildren are also five minutes away. They bring such joy and happiness. There are no words for it

I understand my mom has 5 and I couldn’t be more grateful of how she did everything for us. Right now I’m trying to get her a house next to me

 

[DucatiGtr]

This one is going to pretty good.... Little background... im 34 with one daughter that I had at a very young 20 years old. It was a very negative experience and a very brutal time because of issues with my girlfriend at the time. I have been with my now wife who is 33yrs old for going on 7 years now. Ive always said I didn't want anymore kids and was all done and she's been understanding up until recently. Baby fever for his is coming on pretty strong, she wants to be a mother more than anything. So here's the issue I am so torn whether I want to have a family that we are actually a family or just stay just us two and the two dogs.
Being a firefighter I dont make a ton of money, actually I struggle to pay my bills. She's an ER nurse and does make decent money, so there's also the fear of not being financially comfortable. I enjoy just having my time to myself, days off getting up whenever I feel like it, saying screw it and going on a cruise or spending the day riding my dirt bike or street bike. But then there's the other side of me that wants a family, to be a parent to a child that actually has a married not hating each other mom and dad, teach them how to ride motorcycles and play sports and all that fun stuff. Go away as a family.
Thats my dilemma, obviously I wont be making my decision based off of this and its something me and her will have to really think about. Just wanted to hear some of you guys stories and what made you decide, kids or no kids

To each their own, i have 4 and would want more... I love kids and only thing that I see that’s real..
i have some pretty nice toys and a dream tank, I could really give a crap about... family is everything and only thing that really matters imo.

 

[DucatiGtr]

This one is going to pretty good.... Little background... im 34 with one daughter that I had at a very young 20 years old. It was a very negative experience and a very brutal time because of issues with my girlfriend at the time. I have been with my now wife who is 33yrs old for going on 7 years now. Ive always said I didn't want anymore kids and was all done and she's been understanding up until recently. Baby fever for his is coming on pretty strong, she wants to be a mother more than anything. So here's the issue I am so torn whether I want to have a family that we are actually a family or just stay just us two and the two dogs.
Being a firefighter I dont make a ton of money, actually I struggle to pay my bills. She's an ER nurse and does make decent money, so there's also the fear of not being financially comfortable. I enjoy just having my time to myself, days off getting up whenever I feel like it, saying screw it and going on a cruise or spending the day riding my dirt bike or street bike. But then there's the other side of me that wants a family, to be a parent to a child that actually has a married not hating each other mom and dad, teach them how to ride motorcycles and play sports and all that fun stuff. Go away as a family.
Thats my dilemma, obviously I wont be making my decision based off of this and its something me and her will have to really think about. Just wanted to hear some of you guys stories and what made you decide, kids or no kids

To each their own, i have 4 and would want more... I love kids and only thing that I see that’s real..
i have some pretty nice toys and a dream tank, I could really give a crap about... family is everything and only thing that really matters imo.
My wife and I are the type we get upset when. We have to go somewhere without them. We always want to be w them.

 

[jaganshi066]

To each their own, i have 4 and would want more... I love kids and only thing that I see that’s real..
i have some pretty nice toys and a dream tank, I could really give a crap about... family is everything and only thing that really matters imo.

Good to hear, I mean I love my girlfriends kid but the only thing is she hates when I help other kids. I love helping kids but she gets really possessive so it’s hard

 

[DucatiGtr]

Good to hear, I mean I love my girlfriends kid but the only thing is she hates when I help other kids. I love helping kids but she gets really possessive so it’s hard

I understand and it’s situation is different, I’m also not trying to make it all wonderful, there are always crazy moments and money issues. We had life hit us hard and we had day care issues and other but we made it work. Life can truly suck but I think it’s like that for everyone, we just have to not think too much and keep
Going.
I truly hope it works out for you

 

[Phildago]

You’re super overthinking it and going to be miserable if you don’t just let go.

humans are made to have families. You shouldn’t punish yourself and your wife in an effort to punish yourself for bad decisions you made when you were young and dumb.

Having a kid isn’t a big deal. It’s not that expensive. It doesn’t require planning.

All it takes is two people that will be there for each other. The rest is natural, and easy.

 

[Zionas]

Thanks. This gives me encouragement. And yes I agree it’s perhaps the most natural desire ever.

 

[Revnobody]

My story goes like this. I had no desire to have children. In fact, I never really liked being around children. What I did enjoy were motorcycles, hot rods, reef tanks, parties, etc. I liked my toys.

Well 18 years ago that all changed when my son came into my life. First I sold the cars, then later the motorcycles. (I did manage to keep the reef tank.) Financially things were rough at times. But we pushed through. This sounds miserable, right?

Not at all! I find myself quite sad that he is about to leave home and journey out on his own. I wouldn't trade the memories for all the hot rods, motorcycles, and reef tanks money can buy.

Sometimes the best things in life are those we never knew we wanted.

 

[Zionas]

I’m glad you have experienced these joys in your life. For me it would be hard to imagine a life where I never had kids. It’s one of those things that I’d place at a special, higher level than a hobby like this one.