I received a box of rocks today.

[crusso1993]

Who's huh? I've never seen Brian mention him.

You know, that actor that got caught with the nasty lady of the night, Huh Grant. ;Hilarious

 

[Heavymman]

Hello friends. I am going to be serious for a moment. After being very active on the site for some time, I have been sporadic in my participation on R2R since Christmas. I have taken several breaks and virtually disappeared of late. I wanted to let all of my friends here know I am doing well. What is not well is my marriage. In fact, after 15 years, it is over. I just secured an apartment this week and I am moving out of my home in May. It came very sudden and unexpected to me and it has taken time to digest this reality. I know it may seem petty to some, such as those dealing with serious health issues, but it is mine to bear. It is very likely my participation will not resume for some time as I am in transition. Life has to come first.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me here and through conversation. I also wish to thank #ReefSquad for understanding my inactivity. When I joined ReefSquad in the fall, I was very excited. Too soon after, my life changed a great deal and I felt a bit guilty that I was not helping the team. I know you all understand, of course. It is not an obligation, but something I care deeply about. After all, I love R2R. It is my community, my church.

I know what you are all really wondering, though, is what happens with my reef. I have thought long and hard about breaking it down. It does seem to be what I should do. I am not going to though. It is so early in the tank’s life, and I have invested so much, it would be heartbreaking to dismantle it. I am going to move it with me and try to keep it going. It will not be easy. Frankly, it is not easy even to maintain it now with everything going on, but I do my best. I am not going to upgrade to a larger tank. I am going to try to make this current tank work even if I have to pare down. If it just will not work in my new place, I may sadly have to tear it down.

Here is a parting, pre-move FTS
(uglies and all)

I hope you all are well. I really am fine and I feel confident about the life ahead of me. My only real concern is the impact on my girls. They are strong little women and just like me, they will adapt.

If anyone ever needs me or just wants to say hello, I continue to monitor my conversations even when I am not posting. Your best bet to get my attention is there (I am not actively scanning Alerts for quotes or mentions).

Thanks for listening and be well.

-Brian

#HonestyInReefing
#HonestyInLife

I’m sorry you’re going through this right now but like everything it will be temporary and you will look back at it some day. Stay strong

 

[saltyhog]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this Brian. Your positive out look and lack of anger and bitterness bodes well for your family. That is a difficult path to take but it is definitely the right one for you and your family! Praying that God gives you strength and comfort during all the details and difficulties ahead!

 

[dantimdad]

Sorry to hear this Brian.

If you need to talk, I am here for you. Been through this before and it was a shock the first time to me as well.

God bless brother.

 

[Why-Me]

Sorry to hear this. Keep your head up and focus on the girls and keeping them level headed.
I've been through an ugly divorce and have my daughter 50/50 split custody. It took awhile but in all honesty things are as good or better than before, no tension, resentment, fighting. We both get along great now (especially since we don't have to live together)
like @dantimdad said if you ever need someone to talk with lemme know. I'm here for ya too.

 

[KC V.]

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Sending positive thoughts your way for you and your girls.

 

[Flippers4pups]

Brian, brother, I went through this many moons ago with my two kids. Grown adults now. Your children will need you to be strong and be there for them. It's tough at first, but in time it will get better.

Stay strong and if you need to talk, anytime, I'm here. You and your girls are in my prayers.

 

[jsker]

I came by for a little light reading, reach out any time.

I happy to hear that you are going to keep your system, It does help that your mind off of things for the good

 

[JoshH]

I came by for a little light reading, reach out any time.

I happy to hear that you are going to keep your system, It does help that your mind off of things for the good

Me as well and the last update was certainly not a light one

@NY_Caveman So sorry for you and your girls. I hope that all of you can pick up from here and are all stronger for it. I'm really glad to see you are keeping your tank up and running. If you ever need to talk about anything I'm usually not far away staring at my dry, empty tank

Best Wishes for you and your girls

 

[norfolkgarden]

The tank is a wonderful distraction.

Your girls are everything.

Best of luck to you 3.


It's impossible to say this without being a . But it may be helpful in the long run.

If it was a complete surprise, then you weren't paying attention.

After messing up 1 marriage and then messing up a second marriage, I try to keep that in the front of my mind when dealing with my current marriage. :-/

19 years of trying not to screw up one more time...

 

[NY_Caveman]

If it was a complete surprise, then you weren't paying attention.

This is wise. In my continuing honesty I will admit I am empathy challenged. She knew that for 18 years, though. She tends to hold things inside and only expresses herself when completely saturated. I guess with that combination there was always looming doom.

 

[norfolkgarden]

I'm still 'not perfect'. :-/

We both have a tendency to shut down during disagreements.
We see a marriage counselor every other week. Been doing it for years. Cancel a lot but keep it running on the calendar.

Now, it's mostly to touch base again with a friendly ref.
It helped tremendously in the beginning. Probably helped us stay married.

A few months ago our councelor brought the subject up of not going at all any more.
I said I wanted to continue because the visits are honestly friendly and usually fun at this point. (Translation = yeah, neither one of us is likely to change too much beyond what we have. Just gotta remember to not change back!)

I look forward to them. If we ever stopped and had to start again, it would most likely be my fault.
Never want our visits to seem like straight up punishment because I screwed up again. :-/

 

[Wrangy]

Well that was a really unfortunate update to have read there mate. I really do wish you and your family the best moving forwards and as you can see there's plenty of love from the R2R family coming your way!!

We, I believe everyone would agree with me, hope the transitions going forward for you are smooth and at least straight forward to some degree. Keep strong matey and remember that those fish and coral will love you no matter what as well haha

 

[Janci]

Sorry to read this Brian.
Your positive attitude and honesty in this difficult time will help you overcome and get back on track soon.
All the best

 

[Brew12]

This is wise. In my continuing honesty I will admit I am empathy challenged. She knew that for 18 years, though. She tends to hold things inside and only expresses herself when completely saturated. I guess with that combination there was always looming doom.

I'm empathy challenged and my wife is very similar.

My wife also served in the USMC. I'm thinking my looming doom will be an acutely shorter experience than you will be going through. I can picture her thought process.... do I serve him papers or lead... papers or lead.... ;Wideyed;Nailbiting

Hmm... I may not sleep tonight now but its ok, I'll still be pulling for you and can't wait to see what you can do on the other side of this challenge. Reef tank and personal.

 

[hdsoftail1065]

I'm sorry to hear the news my friend. Been there myself. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

 

[mshonk]

Hello friends. I am going to be serious for a moment. After being very active on the site for some time, I have been sporadic in my participation on R2R since Christmas. I have taken several breaks and virtually disappeared of late. I wanted to let all of my friends here know I am doing well. What is not well is my marriage. In fact, after 15 years, it is over. I just secured an apartment this week and I am moving out of my home in May. It came very sudden and unexpected to me and it has taken time to digest this reality. I know it may seem petty to some, such as those dealing with serious health issues, but it is mine to bear. It is very likely my participation will not resume for some time as I am in transition. Life has to come first.

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out to me here and through conversation. I also wish to thank #ReefSquad for understanding my inactivity. When I joined ReefSquad in the fall, I was very excited. Too soon after, my life changed a great deal and I felt a bit guilty that I was not helping the team. I know you all understand, of course. It is not an obligation, but something I care deeply about. After all, I love R2R. It is my community, my church.

I know what you are all really wondering, though, is what happens with my reef. I have thought long and hard about breaking it down. It does seem to be what I should do. I am not going to though. It is so early in the tank’s life, and I have invested so much, it would be heartbreaking to dismantle it. I am going to move it with me and try to keep it going. It will not be easy. Frankly, it is not easy even to maintain it now with everything going on, but I do my best. I am not going to upgrade to a larger tank. I am going to try to make this current tank work even if I have to pare down. If it just will not work in my new place, I may sadly have to tear it down.

Here is a parting, pre-move FTS
(uglies and all)

I hope you all are well. I really am fine and I feel confident about the life ahead of me. My only real concern is the impact on my girls. They are strong little women and just like me, they will adapt.

If anyone ever needs me or just wants to say hello, I continue to monitor my conversations even when I am not posting. Your best bet to get my attention is there (I am not actively scanning Alerts for quotes or mentions).

Thanks for listening and be well.

-Brian

#HonestyInReefing
#HonestyInLife

Sorry to hear, I hope all transitions are as smooth as they can be. I feel that this is as important as health issues and requires one's full attention and focus.

 

[ngoodermuth]

I’m sorry about your marriage ending. But... you know what they say, for every door that closes another one opens. It’s hard to feel that way now, but maybe with time you will realize it was for the best, and your children deserve two happy parents.

Good luck with your move, we are thinking of you and your family as you navigate this huge adjustment!

 

[YHSublime]

Hello friends. I am going to be serious for a moment. After being very active on the site for some time, I have been sporadic in my participation on R2R since Christmas. I have taken several breaks and virtually disappeared of late. I wanted to let all of my friends here know I am doing well. What is not well is my marriage. In fact, after 15 years, it is over. I just secured an apartment this week and I am moving out of my home in May. It came very sudden and unexpected to me and it has taken time to digest this reality. I know it may seem petty to some, such as those dealing with serious health issues, but it is mine to bear. It is very likely my participation will not resume for some time as I am in transition. Life has to come first.

Sorry to hear this, but I have also been down the same road. I did shut my tank down and actually went without a tank for a little while, and took some time to figure out the changes ahead. I think having some sort of consistency, be it topping off your top off, or feeding fish, will be good. My local club was a huge support, and I'm glad to see that you've gotten that from R2R as well.

And since real talk gets me kind of nervous, I'll leave you with a random, but maybe strangely appropriate quote from Joe Dirt, "Life's a garden, dig it!"

 

[Ron Reefman]

Brian, you have my sympathies and I hope you get through this OK. And allow me to share some information with you (and however many followers you have)!

I was married for 7 years and divorced in my early 30's. That was hard even though it was a mutual decision and there were no hard feelings. After a fairly long time I married again. This time it took about 14 years before my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I was caught very much by surprise and tried to work things out, but she wasn't willing to try. She was sure I didn't love her anymore. She was wrong. After quite a few years of being single again, I moved to Florida at the age of 50. Here I met and eventually married again. I consider myself a very lucky man. She and I see eye to eye on most things, she had been married twice before (4 years and 20 years) and we enjoy many of the same pleasures. She was slow to fall in love and is more conservative than I am, but we share a lot in common and we allow each other to go do our own thing went that's what one of us wants to do. But we've been in an exclusive relationship for nearly 20 years now and our 14th anniversary will be this summer. But because we have better communication than we've had in previous relationships, we both openly agree that we are more in love today than ever and are having the time of our lives as a retired couple just taking advantage of everything life has to offer.

The point of all that is, don't give up and don't hold a grudge, It only holds you back. Life is what you make of it. I was 51 when I met her and my life turned around from mediocre to extremely happy. If it can happen for me, it can happen for anybody!