Paul B
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I got a call this morning from my credit card company telling me to cut up my credit card because of fradulant activity. So I have no credit card now.
I was asked to go to my Grand Son's school today in Manhattan to give a talk about Sea Creatures. My Grand Son Teddy is 3
Even though I worked in Manhattan for 39 years I cringe at the thought of going there and there is nothing that would get me there except for my Grand Kids and of couse of all the places in the world they could live, my Daughter chose Manhattan.
My wife went in the day before to spend time with our Daughter because my Son N Law is out of town so they wanted to have a Mother Daughter day together going to Spa's and whatever Mother's and Daughters do. I had a relaxing day to myself doing fish stuff and making Steam Punk gadgets.
I need a prop to show the kids so I went to a supermarket and buy a live lobster. The sales girl grabs a lobster and immediatly drops it on the floor where his claw breaks off. I don't want that one. So she catches another one and I throw it into a bag with an ice pack and go to the Long Island Railroad station which is near my house.
My train was the 9:05 so I stand on the platform waiting for the train and I hear an announcement that says
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING 15 MINUTES LATE"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be a little late.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING ON TIME"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be on time.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING 15 MINUTES LATE"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be late.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING ON TIME"
This went on 10 or 12 times so I had no idea when, or if I would get there.
So the train eventually comes 5 minutes late and I get on. Of course even though it is kind of late for rush hour, I still don't get a seat. In the 39 years that I took the 6:01 am train every day, I think I got a seat twice and once was when a lady dropped her mascara and fell off her seat.
There is really only about 13 minutes a day when you can ride the Long Island Railroad and get a seat. That is between 3:09 and 3:22 on Sunday morning two weeks after Lent.
Two million people a day ride the thing and virtually all of them are always on the same train as I am.
So I get to Penn Station with my live lobster, which was making noises in the bag causing too many people to look at me kind of oddly. Remember, if you see something, say something, so I had visions of the bomb squad escorting me and the lobster off the train at the station.
But nothing happened so I ran to the turnstyles to get on the down town #1 Subway train to the school.
I swipe my Metro Card and try to rush through the turnstyle and almost break my rib because it doesn't turn. A guy behind me crashes into me and a lady crashes into him.
I swipe my card again and a message comes up that reads "SWIPE YOUR CARD AGAIN AT THIS TURNSTYLE"
I swipe my card again and it reads:
"YOU JUST USED THAT CARD AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE IT AGAIN"
There is a time limit between swipes because I have a Senior Citizen card and they don't want you letting someone else through with your card. God forbid they lost two bucks.
OMG, Now I have to go to the "Information/ticket booth" which has a comatose looking a guy in a bulet proof plexiglass cage which looks like a Hang On Back filter from the 60s.
There are 40 or 50 people on line. Oh No! I NEED T GET MY LOBSTER TO SCHOOL.
I look around for a ticket machine thinking I will just buy another Metro Card. Then I realize, my credit car doesn't work. I panic looking at that line but there is nothing I can do. People are running around me, yelling, pushing, screaming, texting trying to get through the 30 turnstyles. I jump out of their way and get on line holding out a $20.00 bill.
The line is moving so I start to relax, then all of a sudden, I hear. "Good Morning".
Yikes, there was a TOURIST on the line. No New Yorker would say Good Morning to a ticket agent on a line, that gums up the entire works and slows everything down. You don't talk! You are supposed to rush past his little window and without slowing down slip in a 20 dollar bill, he grabs it and in one quick motion, throws you out a new Metro card and you quickly get out of the way for the next person.
But a TOURIST not only wants a card, even worse, DIRECTIONS!!!!.
No one asks Directions, ask a cop, Google, Twitter someone, but don't ask directions on a line in Penn Station.
Then the tourist lady smiles at the guy and seems like she wants to make small talk.
The information guy probably never saw anyone smile and didn't know what to do.
Are you Freeking Kidding ME!!!!!.
Just get off the line before I have a heart attack, This is New York City, we don't ask directions, we would rther get lost, die and get eaten by rats.
She gets the card and is looking at both sides of it. AAAAAAHHHHHH, She doesn't know what to do with the card and is asking the guy how it works. LIKE REALLY!!!!
Now the guy is showing her how to use the card and the line is half way to Brooklyn. People are getting frantic, spilling their Starbucks and one girl even stopped texting.
JUST GET ME THROUGH THE TURNSTYLE!!!!.
She finally leaves and the line again moves. Nice and smoothly people are sliding by the window, slipping in twenty dollar bills and getting their card.
It's my turn. I realize I can't just give the guy twenty bucks and slide away because my "Old People" card doesn't even work. OH Freekin NO! Now I have to talk to the guy and gum up the works. Every body is looking at me hoping I don't have to say something. Even the people in the back of the line two blocks away notice. Sweat is starting to rundown my bald head and the comotose agent notices so he thought fast. He didn't take my money, he just pointed to the turn style and said:
"GO THROUGH THE TURNSTYLE WITH THE RED LIGHT".
I didn't have to pay, he just opened the thing for me and I ran through without looking back in fear of the dirty looks I was probably getting.
I get to Teddy's school with Lester (Thats what the kids named the Lobster)
We go inside just at 10:30, exactly when I was supposed to be there and after the kids cleaned their hands, put their toys away, went to the bathroom and almost started to look in my direction I gave my talk. It wasn't exactly MACNA (Marine Aquarium something, something)
I asked the kids if anyone knew what kind of animal ate lobsters. This little boy comes up with a plastic lion and says Lions eat lobsters, ROAR. another little boy comes up with a snake and says snakes eat lobsters. HHHHHSSSS Finally a little girl comes up and says octopus eat lobsters.
Now I had something I could work with but I doubt that after hearing my disortation any of those kids will be marine biologists any time soon.
Then the other teacher from the two year old class comes in and asks me If I would talk to her class.
Two year olds. I go in and after they adjust theit diapers, wash their hands and clean the drool from their mouths I start my talk. I could have said anything, it realydidn't matter but I think some of them enjoyed it and will soon enroll in a marine biology course at NYU.
http://i258.photobucket.com/albums/hh270/urchsearch/Me%20ans%20Lobster_zpsfn93yjrf.jpg
I was asked to go to my Grand Son's school today in Manhattan to give a talk about Sea Creatures. My Grand Son Teddy is 3
Even though I worked in Manhattan for 39 years I cringe at the thought of going there and there is nothing that would get me there except for my Grand Kids and of couse of all the places in the world they could live, my Daughter chose Manhattan.
My wife went in the day before to spend time with our Daughter because my Son N Law is out of town so they wanted to have a Mother Daughter day together going to Spa's and whatever Mother's and Daughters do. I had a relaxing day to myself doing fish stuff and making Steam Punk gadgets.
I need a prop to show the kids so I went to a supermarket and buy a live lobster. The sales girl grabs a lobster and immediatly drops it on the floor where his claw breaks off. I don't want that one. So she catches another one and I throw it into a bag with an ice pack and go to the Long Island Railroad station which is near my house.
My train was the 9:05 so I stand on the platform waiting for the train and I hear an announcement that says
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING 15 MINUTES LATE"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be a little late.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING ON TIME"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be on time.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING 15 MINUTES LATE"
I call my Daughter and tell her I will be late.
Then:
"THE 9:05 TRAIN TO PENN STATION IS OPERATING ON TIME"
This went on 10 or 12 times so I had no idea when, or if I would get there.
So the train eventually comes 5 minutes late and I get on. Of course even though it is kind of late for rush hour, I still don't get a seat. In the 39 years that I took the 6:01 am train every day, I think I got a seat twice and once was when a lady dropped her mascara and fell off her seat.
There is really only about 13 minutes a day when you can ride the Long Island Railroad and get a seat. That is between 3:09 and 3:22 on Sunday morning two weeks after Lent.
Two million people a day ride the thing and virtually all of them are always on the same train as I am.
So I get to Penn Station with my live lobster, which was making noises in the bag causing too many people to look at me kind of oddly. Remember, if you see something, say something, so I had visions of the bomb squad escorting me and the lobster off the train at the station.
But nothing happened so I ran to the turnstyles to get on the down town #1 Subway train to the school.
I swipe my Metro Card and try to rush through the turnstyle and almost break my rib because it doesn't turn. A guy behind me crashes into me and a lady crashes into him.
I swipe my card again and a message comes up that reads "SWIPE YOUR CARD AGAIN AT THIS TURNSTYLE"
I swipe my card again and it reads:
"YOU JUST USED THAT CARD AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE IT AGAIN"
There is a time limit between swipes because I have a Senior Citizen card and they don't want you letting someone else through with your card. God forbid they lost two bucks.
OMG, Now I have to go to the "Information/ticket booth" which has a comatose looking a guy in a bulet proof plexiglass cage which looks like a Hang On Back filter from the 60s.
There are 40 or 50 people on line. Oh No! I NEED T GET MY LOBSTER TO SCHOOL.
I look around for a ticket machine thinking I will just buy another Metro Card. Then I realize, my credit car doesn't work. I panic looking at that line but there is nothing I can do. People are running around me, yelling, pushing, screaming, texting trying to get through the 30 turnstyles. I jump out of their way and get on line holding out a $20.00 bill.
The line is moving so I start to relax, then all of a sudden, I hear. "Good Morning".
Yikes, there was a TOURIST on the line. No New Yorker would say Good Morning to a ticket agent on a line, that gums up the entire works and slows everything down. You don't talk! You are supposed to rush past his little window and without slowing down slip in a 20 dollar bill, he grabs it and in one quick motion, throws you out a new Metro card and you quickly get out of the way for the next person.
But a TOURIST not only wants a card, even worse, DIRECTIONS!!!!.
No one asks Directions, ask a cop, Google, Twitter someone, but don't ask directions on a line in Penn Station.
Then the tourist lady smiles at the guy and seems like she wants to make small talk.
The information guy probably never saw anyone smile and didn't know what to do.
Are you Freeking Kidding ME!!!!!.
Just get off the line before I have a heart attack, This is New York City, we don't ask directions, we would rther get lost, die and get eaten by rats.
She gets the card and is looking at both sides of it. AAAAAAHHHHHH, She doesn't know what to do with the card and is asking the guy how it works. LIKE REALLY!!!!
Now the guy is showing her how to use the card and the line is half way to Brooklyn. People are getting frantic, spilling their Starbucks and one girl even stopped texting.
JUST GET ME THROUGH THE TURNSTYLE!!!!.
She finally leaves and the line again moves. Nice and smoothly people are sliding by the window, slipping in twenty dollar bills and getting their card.
It's my turn. I realize I can't just give the guy twenty bucks and slide away because my "Old People" card doesn't even work. OH Freekin NO! Now I have to talk to the guy and gum up the works. Every body is looking at me hoping I don't have to say something. Even the people in the back of the line two blocks away notice. Sweat is starting to rundown my bald head and the comotose agent notices so he thought fast. He didn't take my money, he just pointed to the turn style and said:
"GO THROUGH THE TURNSTYLE WITH THE RED LIGHT".
I didn't have to pay, he just opened the thing for me and I ran through without looking back in fear of the dirty looks I was probably getting.
I get to Teddy's school with Lester (Thats what the kids named the Lobster)
We go inside just at 10:30, exactly when I was supposed to be there and after the kids cleaned their hands, put their toys away, went to the bathroom and almost started to look in my direction I gave my talk. It wasn't exactly MACNA (Marine Aquarium something, something)
I asked the kids if anyone knew what kind of animal ate lobsters. This little boy comes up with a plastic lion and says Lions eat lobsters, ROAR. another little boy comes up with a snake and says snakes eat lobsters. HHHHHSSSS Finally a little girl comes up and says octopus eat lobsters.
Now I had something I could work with but I doubt that after hearing my disortation any of those kids will be marine biologists any time soon.
Then the other teacher from the two year old class comes in and asks me If I would talk to her class.
Two year olds. I go in and after they adjust theit diapers, wash their hands and clean the drool from their mouths I start my talk. I could have said anything, it realydidn't matter but I think some of them enjoyed it and will soon enroll in a marine biology course at NYU.
http://i258.photobucket.com/albums/hh270/urchsearch/Me%20ans%20Lobster_zpsfn93yjrf.jpg
