THE BLAME GAME: Are we too quick to blame others? Maybe we should look in the mirror.

[ReefGeezer]

I try to be a critical thinker, but It seems like I get fooled more often in this hobby than in any other activity in my life. I had to adopt a "fool me once" principle just to keep the hobby fun. I just use the experience as a lesson so I don't get fooled a second time... and boy, have I had a lot of lessons!

 

[Js.Aqua.Project]

Maybe I am a rare one, unless a product comes out of the box defective, I only blame myself.

Pump stopped working? I didn't clean it often enough.
Coral died? I didn't give it the best chance at survival (nutrition/parameter stability)
Fish died? I must have missed something - disease, diet, bullying etc

 

[dstevenstn]

I always blame myself

 

[BuBBly FiSh]

When your to big to admit wrong. So many companies do this. How many times has a company grown big and earned a good reputation then ran on that reputation while products became garbage, customer service started to stink and people at the top got greedy and started shortchanging everyone. I think this would have been a better topic. I know some companies like the original thread especially if the screwed up enough and are tired of getting chewed out by people for it. Definitely would need big boy pants to admit that though.

 

[JimFuller]

Well, I usually blame me, myself, or I, first. Then "nobody" is next. Lastly, I might look at a manufacture, with reasonable evidence. But I have found it is often me to blame

 

[ChadmRoman]

IM new at this reefing thing and don’t blame, just learn lessons and move on. It’s pretty satisfying this way.

 

[Reefman71]

There’s a million answers to this question? My only blame would be bad vendors. I see a lot of people get ripped off and go to Facebook to vent or say whatever happened and then see multiple vendors shoot that person down then the Facebook thread deleted by the admin. You have to be careful!

 

[brandon429]

this is how my logic works regarding tank invasions: if a giant thread exists on how to stop your invasion, and you read it and not apply it, you want the invasion and are killing your reef on purpose. no middle ground, the hesitation ongoing is the cause.

it is a very painful logic at times....to be totally accountable for our boxes or vases or jars- really stings at times.

if there isn't a huge proof thread, then experiment away. if there is one and you skip it after seeing the turnarounds, you're guilty of substrate killing lol or corals or whatever you are about to throw out by digging heels in further.

I have come to the painful conclusion that the least qualified people to critique an invasion fix method are the actual owners, time to give the wheel over for a spell for having arrived there as the sum total of one's reefing choices. nice thread, I believe strongly in internal locus of control reefing. its part of successful reefing psychology

we must stop wasting so much substrate, corals and fish as aquarists. we must increase efficiency in reefing. tough love time

 

[Mhart032]

I thought about this for roughly 30 seconds... Its absolutely my fault if something goes wrong in my own tank, which i only touch. its cause and effect, If a heater goes out, tank gets cold, a pump, the power, feed to much, feed to little, don't do water changes don't test my tank parameters, its all my fault, Either i chose to not setup redundancies or battery backups on pumps, didn't test my alk. Got red bugs, didn't dip the corals, Killed the tank with Velvet, chose not to quarantine properly. We all know things fail, we as reefers get lazy and put things off, its natural. this is a hobby and for most of us it really is just that. but i read a lot of posts where people blame others and vendors, equipment manufactures for issues or problems that they have caused themselves. I mean we chose to use that pump, we chose that heater, we chose to buy from that vendor. This recently happen to me, My DDR cracked, i was like, not good. Well i didn't read the paperwork before i used it and i wasn't supposed to put a solvent in it and ran NOPO4X in it, well dummy me, that's my fault, i shouldn't and do not expect Neptune to replace it cause i made a mistake. just my .02

 

[PurpleMonsterSlayer]

It’s hard to blame your self when your positive it’s not your fault. With that being said
He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halway there. He who blames no one has arrived

 

[Kcaspo]

Stuff happens

 

[Bruce Burnett]

Not sure how anyone can blame someone else for their problems in a hobby. If a piece of equipment fails and you don't have a back up that is your fault not manufacturer or supply.

 

[brandon429]

everything Ive ever typed harsh to another person about their invasion is born of my own self frustration for watching my first pico reef die in 2003 as red gelidium algae took it over and I sat right there watching it...dumping random this and that until it took over my prized brown acros lol, devastation in the name of passivity. I threw out rocks and invaded corals.

Im so against it now having been bitten, I can see the lead behaviors in another reefer ten miles away now by the pics they post.

at the time I searched all forums, they didnt give any other permission other than to lose it. No crazy man was spouting that we should take tanks apart and clean the filth feeding the invasion, along with killing the invasion, because deep cleaning a tank will not cause a cycle if you do it right. they just didnt tell me that option, it had to be forged by the hard loss. never again, can bet on that.

a reefer can absolutely 100% positively develop the resolve to not lose another tank to a biological failing. *hardware isn't rated the same, a big power outage or equipment shorting or child poisoning with some random additive in the sump I dont rate the same way as a willing fail, hardware issues will eventually kill every reef... even when the biology has been mastered. a matter of time for everyone, in my household nerf is banned for a reason.

 

[PurpleMonsterSlayer]

I thought about this for roughly 30 seconds... Its absolutely my fault if something goes wrong in my own tank, which i only touch. its cause and effect, If a heater goes out, tank gets cold, a pump, the power, feed to much, feed to little, don't do water changes don't test my tank parameters, its all my fault, Either i chose to not setup redundancies or battery backups on pumps, didn't test my alk. Got red bugs, didn't dip the corals, Killed the tank with Velvet, chose not to quarantine properly. We all know things fail, we as reefers get lazy and put things off, its natural. this is a hobby and for most of us it really is just that. but i read a lot of posts where people blame others and vendors, equipment manufactures for issues or problems that they have caused themselves. I mean we chose to use that pump, we chose that heater, we chose to buy from that vendor. This recently happen to me, My DDR cracked, i was like, not good. Well i didn't read the paperwork before i used it and i wasn't supposed to put a solvent in it and ran NOPO4X in it, well dummy me, that's my fault, i shouldn't and do not expect Neptune to replace it cause i made a mistake. just my .02

While all this is true whose fault is it if a certain piece of equipment fails do to loss of internet connectivity. You have it wired straight to the modem nothing else loses connection why does this piece of equipment always lose connection? And while it loses connection it automatically shuts off equipment , ends up crashing you tank and their is no settings you can change to stop it. Would this be your fault or the equipment?

 

[waterskiguy]

I found that every problem I've had with my reef tank originates from between my ears. I have been lucky enough to not have equipment cause a catastrophic event. Usually any equipment malfunctions center from the same place, for the most part, due to maintenance issues and things of that nature.

Every time I hear someone blame a tank crash on something, i think of people that have tanks going for the last 10-15 years without any major problem. The major problems that I see people that have not educated themselves blame on anything but the actual source.

 

[Oldsalt]

It's not so much the blame itself - it's the manner in which (some) others blame someone for the problems they seek help in alleviating. I've seen people getting belittled, scorned and ridiculed in other forums just for seeking help.

 

[Dan_P]

Now don't get mad at me on this one. I've thought about this one for a while, put it on a list, but never posted it because I didn't want it to go off the rails so to speak! But I think we're all adult enough to discuss this topic without it getting personal. So let me preface this with that. Let's keep names, company names, political affiliation, political terms etc. out of this topic please. Ok here we go...

I'm guilty first and foremost. When something goes bad in life that the first reaction is often to look for blame outside of ourselves. Now let's apply that to reefing. Something goes bad, tank crashes, algae takes over, fish dies, whatever it may be, we look to blame. We look to blame the vendor, we look to blame the product, we look to blame the equipment and seldom does it dawn on us that we may be the one to blame. Maybe you went to fast, maybe you didn't buy the right equipment, maybe you didn't acclimate properly, maybe your light settings are terrible, maybe you missed a step, etc! Maybe, maybe, maybe...

WARNING: Before you read the next line, PUT YOUR BIG KID PANTS ON!

Let's talk about this today and hopefully learn to take a look in the mirror before we go blaming others for mistakes that may very well be our own. It's unhealthy to always blame others and live with a victim's mentality. Maybe we can grow from this discussion! So the question is this.

In this hobby are we too quick to blame others, or other things when something goes wrong? What are your thoughts?

I base my “NO” answer on R2R posts. The site’s behavior guidelines seem to tamp down on over the top ranting and manufecturer bashing. The posts that I have read mostly seek answers to the mysteries of maintaining salt water aquariums.

 

[Nep2nRevision3]

I can only speak for myself of course. I see almost everything related to the hobby (and also on a much broader scale) as someones personal opinion or observation. Be it written in a book, article or thread or spoken directly in conversation. Be it about the best way to start a tank, best combination of fish or best piece of equipment it's all based on a limited, personal realm of experience. "I think light A is best"! Fact of the matter is I only have personal experience with a very limited number lights and even then, only under the conditions within my systems. My opinion is just that. I'll be happy to share it with you but I can't promise you the same results.

I've seen successful tanks that don't follow ANY of the conventional schools of thought. Had someone described to me a particular tank set up and if asked if I thought it would work (I have one in particular in mind), I wouldn't have hesitated to say "NO WAY"! But you know what, it's working for this individual.

I guess what I'm getting to is it's really all on me. From how I run my tanks to the equipment and animals I put in them. If I'm attempting to ascertain how or what I need (or need to do) in a given situation, I NEVER take a single sources word for anything. It's up to me to do the research and draw a conclusion based on my personal experiences and what seems to make the best since from having accessed MANY sources. If I make a decision and it doesn't work out for me there are a multitude of possible reasons why. I never assume that someone intentionally led my down the wrong path. All animals have different reactions to others. All equipment is working under different conditions and set up regiments. All processes are implemented differently under a wide array of differing conditions.

To lay blame is deny responsibility and robs me of the opportunity to learn. I haven't always felt this way but getting older has had a way of changing my perspective.

 

[Big G]

Great question. Truth is best. Here's a quote that I struggle to apply daily.

“If someone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action, I shall gladly change. I seek the truth, which never harmed anyone: the harm is to persist in one's own self-deception and ignorance.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

 

[siggy]

You can blame me if you like. My Wife does it all the time.