Rock and a hard place

feh · Oct 13, 2013

Ok, so hmm. How do I discuss this. So I met a girl and for 10 years I had my heart on marrying her. She was my college sweet heart and for long time I stuck with her (10 years). Sad story really and a kid was involved. Bust out the tissue if you think you might need it. Long time ago say 2001 I was a daddy. Little boy. Er so I thought. Long story short. Kid didn't make it. Her family was quite rude and overlooked my feelings in this event. I stuck around for a year despite the lack of concern for what I might be going through. So 12 years later I'm kinda freaking out and really not sure why. My grandmother has been bugging ever since about it. Always "That girl loved you" and things like that. Its been VERY long time. I tend to to listen to my elders and maybe its finally setting in "Did I make a mistake?" if so "Can I fix it?". I have not spoken to her in 11 or 12 years. I haven't even tried to look her up. Maybe the scare with my grandma and cancer kinda made me a little more aware or maybe I'm just more mature. Just turned 40 last month. I dunno. I'm not even sure why this is bugging me so much lately. I can not visit my grandmother without this girl getting brought up. I've been single since so ya know that doubt kinda annoys me. Anyone ever found themselves in this situation? I'm not really looking to dig up old things without a happy ending. And just not sure why this is bugging me lately. But no kidding... my grandmother has bugged me about this for the past 12 years or so. I mean whats to say she hasn't moved on. Married etc. Ya know? Besides that painful situation and to be honest. Last time I set foot in a church was with that girl. *shrugs* I dunno. Any ideas why this is bugging me now?

RogerWilco357 · Oct 14, 2013

free status

I think your just coming to grips with your mortality hitting the big 40 is A huge step I still think I am 35 not 45..Just start dating and take life day at a time enjoy your single status ..I have been with my wife all my life so it seems from 16 to present I wouldn't know what to do with the single or free status
(and all the extra money)..whats that like? What do you enjoy doing?

Velodog2 · Oct 14, 2013

Well, to sum up, you were with her for over 10 yrs and you both suffered a major trauma - losing your kid - and somehow that drove you apart and resulted in ending the relationship. You haven't had a relationship since, you are newly 40, and your grandmother won't let you forget this woman. It doesn't appear that you have moved on in your life past this situation. Furthermore, your grandmother who is apparently an important person in your life, won't allow you to. So now you are finally realizing that you have tread water as long as you can, life is moving on without you, and you need to do something one way or another. Really, it doesn't matter what direction you take, you just have to take a direction. If you want to contact her to bring closure or whatever, then do it. Whatever happens may or may not be pretty, but it won't kill you. Unfortunately, to me this sounds like the easy path, regardless of how difficult it may seem. My strong suggestion is to find an alternative to this person, to let someone else into your life. I'm guessing this would be actually the more difficult thing for you to do. But once you have done it and when she no longer seems like your one and only option, you can better decide if you want to reopen that old wound.