Searching for an explanation that doesn't exist

[Reefrookie220]

I'd like to start off by saying that there are countless warriors and survivors that have slain or defeated the beast called cancer.

There are also countless that have lost the battle.


In the past 8 months I've lost my mother, and my boss who was like a sort of father figure. Today was my grandfather's first chemo treatment. The strong stuff. He's in stage 4 lung cancer. They say we must stay optimistic but the only hope would be a great and immediate reaction to treatment.

I'm a blubbery friggin mess. And it kills me!

I'm always that guy that jumps in with reassurance to people that get sick, tell them to keep their chin up, and hold the hands of the soliders next to them. As a man of God, I recommend prayer and I pray for victims of I know them or not.

It bothers me that as I've been the rock for people to lean on, that I can't seem to hold myself together these past few days. It makes me question things I shouldn't and fear the future.

I'm a young man of 27, i have 3 beautiful children with a 4th on the way. I worry about the medical history of my family and their medical future, i worry about my medical future for their sake.

Other than the obvious causes of this disease I start to wander why it chooses victims that it does. And is something science or
religion will never understand.

If you managed to read my huge rant, thank you for taking the time. I say to everyone, hug your family, speak with them often, take that unnecessary trip to the in-laws, because our time is limited and nobody knows the day or the hour.

 

[Lionfish Lair]

Sometimes I stress over my family's medical history and it's compounded by the fact I avoid the doctor. I figure by the time I go I'll be in the last stage of whatever it is. I thought my family history was sort of benign until about 8 years ago at a family reunion. Seems all of my Grandmother's brothers and sisters had some sort of GI cancer (7 siblings). Nanny herself had uterine. The only sibling of hers that didn't have cancer drowned when he was a teenager. Of her kids, 3 of 7 have already had cancer. Brain, lung and colon at age 42 and the others in their 60s. My mother was one of them.

My Dad had malignant melanoma.

The same time my Mom was fighting cancer, my mother-in-law was diagnosed. She's still doing chemo some 3 years later. I'm in my 40s and 4 of my friends had breast cancer within a three year span. Friends I shared secrets with, not just mild acquaintances. Two different states, so it's not "environment".

I feel like I'm surrounded. You just have to deal with the emotions as they come and try not to dwell too long on the probabilities of the future or they'll weigh so heavy they will rob you of the good days.

I'm sorry about your Pops :-/

 

[e572]

I'd like to start off by saying that there are countless warriors and survivors that have slain or defeated the beast called cancer.

There are also countless that have lost the battle.


In the past 8 months I've lost my mother, and my boss who was like a sort of father figure. Today was my grandfather's first chemo treatment. The strong stuff. He's in stage 4 lung cancer. They say we must stay optimistic but the only hope would be a great and immediate reaction to treatment.

I'm a blubbery friggin mess. And it kills me!

I'm always that guy that jumps in with reassurance to people that get sick, tell them to keep their chin up, and hold the hands of the soliders next to them. As a man of God, I recommend prayer and I pray for victims of I know them or not.

It bothers me that as I've been the rock for people to lean on, that I can't seem to hold myself together these past few days. It makes me question things I shouldn't and fear the future.

I'm a young man of 27, i have 3 beautiful children with a 4th on the way. I worry about the medical history of my family and their medical future, i worry about my medical future for their sake.

Other than the obvious causes of this disease I start to wander why it chooses victims that it does. And is something science or
religion will never understand.

If you managed to read my huge rant, thank you for taking the time. I say to everyone, hug your family, speak with them often, take that unnecessary trip to the in-laws, because our time is limited and nobody knows the day or the hour.

My sister is currently still in treatment from liver cancer. She had 4 large tumors on her liver and I think 2 in her colon. She has dropped down to 100 pounds. She has survived the treatments so far and the tumors are rapidly shrinking. I worry about her but don't know what to do. We just try and keep in contact as best we can. I think love prayer and support is the best approach. Dont dwell on the what ifs like what if I get it or what if my family gets it. All that does is make you worry and I feel worrying can lead to major stress and stress causes ick as we all know lol. I just try and stay positive and remember, you don't always have to be the rock. [emoji16]

 

[Reefrookie220]

I feel worrying can lead to major stress and stress causes ick as we all know lol

I needed the smile you just delivered my friend. I don't think I'll ever forget it.

feel like I'm surrounded. You just have to deal with the emotions as they come and try not to dwell too long on the probabilities of the future or they'll weigh so heavy they will rob you of the good days.

Our medical history it's so simular it scary. Thanks for your kind words.

 

[Reefrookie220]

Call it selfish, but I worry I'll miss out on my children's 20s and 30s. They are probably the only thing in my life I've done right lol.

 

[Scorpius]

Being a man of God also I can say I feel you're pain. It sometimes feels things are crashing in and God is no where to be found. But fear not God engineers all our circumstances whether good or bad. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for those who are called according to his purpose.

You may not understand why God is putting you through these things, but remember God only gives you what he knows you can handle. In the end you'll look back on these circumstances and see God's hand in all of them. Fight the good fight my friend!!!

 

[Reefrookie220]

You may not understand why God is putting you through these things, but remember God only gives you what he knows you can handle

Thank you for you're words of encouragement, I've said those words to people before and they laugh. He must think an awful lot of my these days, and it cant be a bad thing!

 

[Humblefish]

I don't really know what to say, except keep your head held high and deal with the outcome as best you can.

I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer, so I know the feeling. :(

 

[Reefrookie220]

I don't really know what to say, except keep your head held high and deal with the outcome as best you can.

I lost my grandfather to prostate cancer, so I know the feeling. :(

Tank you @Humblefish , your sentiment it's greatly appreciated.

 

[ReeferMaddness843]

Sorry for your losses and the burden of the future. My mother passed going on 5 years from pancreatic cancer, not a smoker (used to be but quit when pregnant with me and I'm 33), not a drinker, active and healthy life. My father was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Heart attacks with different root causes are leading causes of death in my family. So I fully relate to the stress of personal medical future and what that means for my children and my role in their life. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy the day you are given. Treat every day like your last. I never hang up the phone with any of my family without saying "I love you", I never walk out the door without doing the same as well. You just never know.
I myself am not a religious man, but know the value of faith regardless. Speaking into existence is a reality in my heart as well. The burden of being the rock is a heavy load to carry and every time I've made it through one situation it has made me stronger and given me the ability to pay it forward to someone else that needs a boost more than myself. Best wishes your way from my family and myself to you and yours. You can do this, and if given tomorrow, it will be a brighter day than the one before.

 

[Reefrookie220]

Sorry for your losses and the burden of the future. My mother passed going on 5 years from pancreatic cancer, not a smoker (used to be but quit when pregnant with me and I'm 33), not a drinker, active and healthy life. My father was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer. Heart attacks with different root causes are leading causes of death in my family. So I fully relate to the stress of personal medical future and what that means for my children and my role in their life. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy the day you are given. Treat every day like your last. I never hang up the phone with any of my family without saying "I love you", I never walk out the door without doing the same as well. You just never know.
I myself am not a religious man, but know the value of faith regardless. Speaking into existence is a reality in my heart as well. The burden of being the rock is a heavy load to carry and every time I've made it through one situation it has made me stronger and given me the ability to pay it forward to someone else that needs a boost more than myself. Best wishes your way from my family and myself to you and yours. You can do this, and if given tomorrow, it will be a brighter day than the one before.

My deepest condolences about your dear mother, I'm sure 5 years seems a week still to this day.

I appreciate your kind words, I'm lucky to be a part of this community because of folks like you and the above.

 

[ReeferMaddness843]

Not a day goes by she doesn't cross my mind. Thank you as well. As much as it sucks anyone having to go through it, it's nice to know it's not a road traveled alone.

 

[JBradford]

Sorry to hear about your looses and the current situation and I understand how it's hard to stay positive. I'm not a person of faith, at all really, but I can respect people who are. Since you are, use it. Use your friends here just like you did. I don't know you from anyone else on this thread but you posted and we listened. Don't be afraid to do that, don't be afraid to lean on someone because you have always been the strong one.

My dad, thankfully, thus far is a survivor. It was scary times for sure. I hear peoples opinions that science has a cure but treatment makes to much money to release it. I hope that really isn't the case. For your sake, my dads sake which risks it coming back every day, and for everyone in this thread who has dealt with it. As I said I'm not a man of faith, I'm a man of science. And if what I just mentioned were true I would be highly, highly disappointed in mankind. I don't know why something that affects so many people can't be figured out.

I wish you luck and a positive outcome.

 

[Reefrookie220]

Sorry to hear about your looses and the current situation and I understand how it's hard to stay positive. I'm not a person of faith, at all really, but I can respect people who are. Since you are, use it. Use your friends here just like you did. I don't know you from anyone else on this thread but you posted and we listened. Don't be afraid to do that, don't be afraid to lean on someone because you have always been the strong one.

My dad, thankfully, thus far is a survivor. It was scary times for sure. I hear peoples opinions that science has a cure but treatment makes to much money to release it. I hope that really isn't the case. For your sake, my dads sake which risks it coming back every day, and for everyone in this thread who has dealt with it. As I said I'm not a man of faith, I'm a man of science. And if what I just mentioned were true I would be highly, highly disappointed in mankind. I don't know why something that affects so many people can't be figured out.

I wish you luck and a positive outcome.

I appreciate your kind words, and I'm very much into science my self.

Gallileo was a man of faith and an innovator.

 

[Oldreefer44]

As a cancer survivor myself, I can tell you that it is hard to describe the feeling when you get the news. It is one of those things that you cant imagine until it happens to you. I will say that the one thing that it did for me was to put everything in its proper perspective. I had been a 'successful" business person that controlled hundreds of millions of dollars with the usual sacrifices that go along with it. Now my priorities are family and reef tank. Not necessarily in that order.

 

[Reefrookie220]

As a cancer survivor myself, I can tell you that it is hard to describe the feeling when you get the news. It is one of those things that you cant imagine until it happens to you. I will say that the one thing that it did for me was to put everything in its proper perspective. I had been a 'successful" business person that controlled hundreds of millions of dollars with the usual sacrifices that go along with it. Now my priorities are family and reef tank. Not necessarily in that order.

Great to hear from a warrior. Makes me feel terrible for complaining about my woes

 

[Maritimer]

Call it selfish, but I worry I'll miss out on my children's 20s and 30s. They are probably the only thing in my life I've done right lol.

If you're only going to do one thing right, it might as well be the most important thing you can do . . .

You can't always be "the rock". Sometimes, you've gotta cut loose and be human for a while, and _that's_OK_.

I remember reading something years ago by Leonard Nimoy, best known for playing Mr. Spock in the original Star Trek series. Playing the part of a Vulcan, devoid of emotion, took a toll on his human side, and he'd periodically be discovered in a closet, little more than a "blubbery friggen mess". Way I figure it, you've got every bit as much right - and probably a lot more cause - to let your human side show, and lean on others for a while. Your family, your co-workers, therapists, fellow reefers - whoever.

There's a time to be the Rock of Gibraltar, but there's a time to be the sopping wet seaweed at its base, too.

~Bruce

 

[Reefrookie220]

If you're only going to do one thing right, it might as well be the most important thing you can do . . .

You can't always be "the rock". Sometimes, you've gotta cut loose and be human for a while, and _that's_OK_.

I remember reading something years ago by Leonard Nimoy, best known for playing Mr. Spock in the original Star Trek series. Playing the part of a Vulcan, devoid of emotion, took a toll on his human side, and he'd periodically be discovered in a closet, little more than a "blubbery friggen mess". Way I figure it, you've got every bit as much right - and probably a lot more cause - to let your human side show, and lean on others for a while. Your family, your co-workers, therapists, fellow reefers - whoever.

There's a time to be the Rock of Gibraltar, but there's a time to be the sopping wet seaweed at its base, too.

~Bruce

Thanks Bruce, I've been following Zoey's reef for some time!