akabryanhall
2500 Club Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2009
- Messages
- 2,925
- Reaction score
- 179
Feel free to add your own:bigsmile:
1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work
that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to
his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my
grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's
still on the list.
6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
7. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in
public.
9. War does not determine who is right - only who is
left.
10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is
not putting it in a fruit salad.
11. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To
steal from many is research.
13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station
is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
15. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good
for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
16. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of
captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and
throw them fish.
17. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming
you.
18. Why does someone believe you when you say there are
four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
19. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run
for president and 50 for Miss America ?
20. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the
fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
21. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
memory.
22. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.
23. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have
some good ideas!
24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't
expect it back.
25. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
26. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at
home, even if you wish they were.
27. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
28. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others
whenever they go.
29. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that
the Fire Department usually uses water.
31. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
32. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
call whatever you hit the target.
33. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
34. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
35. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you
are after it as when you are in it.
36. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why
do some people have more than one child?
37. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work
that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to
his level and beat you with experience.
3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my
grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's
still on the list.
6. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
7. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in
public.
9. War does not determine who is right - only who is
left.
10. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is
not putting it in a fruit salad.
11. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
12. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To
steal from many is research.
13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station
is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
15. Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good
for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
16. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of
captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and
throw them fish.
17. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming
you.
18. Why does someone believe you when you say there are
four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
19. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run
for president and 50 for Miss America ?
20. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the
fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
21. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
memory.
22. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.
23. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have
some good ideas!
24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't
expect it back.
25. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
26. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at
home, even if you wish they were.
27. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
28. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others
whenever they go.
29. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that
the Fire Department usually uses water.
31. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
32. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
call whatever you hit the target.
33. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
34. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
Others have no imagination whatsoever.
35. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you
are after it as when you are in it.
36. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why
do some people have more than one child?
37. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
