Jokes, play along!
- Thread starter BigBadZoaDaddy
- Start date
- Tagged users None
One wish to each
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.
OP
OP
BigBadZoaDaddy
Orange ya gonna Frag it!
OK OK nobody has good jokes! MY B-day is the 31st of may!!!!!! SPread the word I will GIVE a FRAG away to what ever joke I like the best! I will pick 5 people on the 31 or real close to it, they have 1 more chance to get me rollin'!
You pay for shiping ONLY!!!!
I have lots of SPS frags and Zoas/Palys? Maybe some Blast merleties?
At any rate post as many time as you like! But keep this thread at the top for all to see!!
Lets Rock!!!!
What did the leper say to the lady with the oldest womens profesion?
please tell me you know what I mean?
Gotta PM for the punch line, (Rev would not let that one fly I am sure!)and you have to know what a leper is If I have to explain it it ain't worht it!!
You pay for shiping ONLY!!!!
I have lots of SPS frags and Zoas/Palys? Maybe some Blast merleties?
At any rate post as many time as you like! But keep this thread at the top for all to see!!
Lets Rock!!!!
What did the leper say to the lady with the oldest womens profesion?
please tell me you know what I mean?
Gotta PM for the punch line, (Rev would not let that one fly I am sure!)and you have to know what a leper is If I have to explain it it ain't worht it!!
Last edited:
ecotoxlady
Perpetual student
Three ducks are sitting at a bar. The bartender, trying to make pleasant conversation asks the first duck,
"What is your name?"
and the duck responds "My name is Louie"
So the bartender asks him "So Louie, how was your day?"
Louie responds, "It was GREAT, I was in and out of puddles all day long!"
So the bartender asks the second duck, "What is your name?"
and the second duck says "My name is Larry."
So the bartender asks "So Larry, how was your day?"
Larry responds, "My day was also great, I was also in and out of puddles all day long."
So the bartender turns to the third duck who is looking quite miserable and asks "What is your name?"
The third duck responds, "My name is Puddles and don't ask me how my day was"
"What is your name?"
and the duck responds "My name is Louie"
So the bartender asks him "So Louie, how was your day?"
Louie responds, "It was GREAT, I was in and out of puddles all day long!"
So the bartender asks the second duck, "What is your name?"
and the second duck says "My name is Larry."
So the bartender asks "So Larry, how was your day?"
Larry responds, "My day was also great, I was also in and out of puddles all day long."
So the bartender turns to the third duck who is looking quite miserable and asks "What is your name?"
The third duck responds, "My name is Puddles and don't ask me how my day was"
Reef Pets
Bioprospector
Chinese Sick Leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really
sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at work soon.
You got nice house!
Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really
sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great.
I be at work soon.
You got nice house!
akabryanhall
2500 Club Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2009
- Messages
- 2,925
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- 179
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "what the heck was that all about?"
BayCorals
Well-Known Member
No joke, but how about funny commercial?
YouTube - ATT internet commercial
YouTube - All Milwaukee's Best Light Commercial
Or even songs?
Saturday Night Live - Digital Short: Motherlover - Video - NBC.com
YouTube - ATT internet commercial
YouTube - All Milwaukee's Best Light Commercial
Or even songs?
Saturday Night Live - Digital Short: Motherlover - Video - NBC.com
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]While walking through the Boulder Colorado woods a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"You gotta be kiddin' me."[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"No, would you like to give it a try?"[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "what the heck happened to you?"[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "Man, this just ain't gonna be your day..."[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"You gotta be kiddin' me."[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]"No, would you like to give it a try?"[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this the other guy, slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "what the heck happened to you?"[/FONT]
[FONT=ARIAL,Helvectica]He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "Man, this just ain't gonna be your day..."[/FONT]
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
akabryanhall
2500 Club Member
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2009
- Messages
- 2,925
- Reaction score
- 179
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
guppychao
Active Member
why do golfers wear 2 pants?
just in case they get a hole in one
this ones hiliarous, not sure if its true:
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant. Longer bursts would do more. I ' m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ' don' t do it stupid, ' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ' mug ' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
P.s ... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
just in case they get a hole in one
this ones hiliarous, not sure if its true:
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant. Longer bursts would do more. I ' m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ' don' t do it stupid, ' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ....!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ' mug ' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
P.s ... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
I
inactive
Guest
I painted an S on a snail's shell so when I race him against others hi performance snails people will be like OMG LOOK AT THE S CAR GO!!!
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