Re-Visiting Hawaii for my Anniversary

Paul B · Oct 21, 2013

Last week was my 40th wedding anniversary and for our Honeymoon we went to four of the Hawaiian Islands. So this time we wanted to go back to the Islands we liked best so we went to Maui and Kauai. The last time we were there the Island of Lanai was not open to tourists and was owned or leased by Dole to grow pinapples and you couldn't go there so we also went there.
Kauai changed so much in those 40 years that we didn't recognize the place. In 1973 there was only one traffic light and a McDonalds on the Island.
We landed in Oahu and took a plane to Kauai. You don't want to stay on Oahu, trust me. Oahu is Manhattan with palm trees. There is also no real Hawaii five 0. No such thing but the last time we were there we watched them film it.
Anyway we get to Kauai and rent a car with a GPS. But the GPS isn't like your normal GPS. The thing comes with a tour guide, but you can't shut it off or you have to re set the thing and you get lost. But there were many signs that commercialism has taken over the Islands. For instance we are following the GPS and all of a sudden some guy starts talking. I looked in the back seat thinking the car rental guy came along, but no one was there. It was the GPS. So besides the girl telling you where to turn, this guy is telling you about the history of the place you are passing. He said something like, "Coming up on the left is a large stand of royal palm trees, each individually and lovingly planted by King Kamahama (I can't spell the Kings name)
So if you look to the left, thats where they were. Of course we bulldozed them down to make room for that lovely Island K Mart where you can find ash trays imported all the way from Tai Wan made from immitation coconut shells that have a realistic, pink plastic palm tree right in it"
Every where you look there is a Home Depot, Walmart, Starbucks, Subway, Macys, Lord & Taylor, everything but Hawaiian things. I remember seeing the beautiful Hawaiian girls all over the place and real Luau's. On our first trip there we met a girl I know who lives there. (I used to date her when she lived in NY) I will call her Sue. No, thats her real name so I will call her Mary to protect her identy. At that time "Mary" took us to a Luau that her friends made for us. In the morning they dug a deep hole in the damp sand on the beach, then they filled the hole with hot rocks that they just took out of a fire, they put a pig in the hole and filled it with the hot rocks and covered it in palm leaves and left it for 10 hours. Then at night, They light torches on the beach and swim out into the ocean to light floating torches. We all had Island drinks and sweet fruits. Then they uncover the pig with the Hawaiian music playing while beautiful girls danced. And it is the best pork you ever tasted.
That is what I expected. This time we met that same girl and she gave us a bottled water and took us to KFC. It just wasn't the same.

stunreefer · Oct 21, 2013

Glad you were able to re-visit for your anniversary, Paul! Sorry the commercialism ruined much of it for you, however. Great shot of the coast.

calvo15290 · Oct 21, 2013

My sister moved there about 2003 and when we whet there was so much to do her husband was in the Air Force and stationed there it was so cool I still have the valcano rock and the coral(dead) my dad gave me when he went diving

Paul B · Oct 22, 2013

On Maui there is this road that is about 20 miles long and is one lane but it allows two way traffic. It snakes up the side of a volcano to about 3,000' (I didn't measure so I am guessing. Anyway the road is about as wide as the car and if you veer a little to far to the left you plunge 2 or 3 thousand feet down to the rocks and sea below. The other side of your car, inches from your mirror is a sheer cliff that goes straight up. If you encounter a car coming the opposite direction, one of you, the smaller one I assume, has to back down maybe a mile until you find a place wide enough so that you can pass. It is all hairpin turns and our car just about turned sharp enough to make it. The car rental company tells you not to go on that road because if you get stuck, a tow truck can't make it there so I guess they just push the car off the cliff, I don't know. So after about an hour inching up this cliff we find a place a little wider than the car to stop and take a picture. We are looking off into the sea and we hear this voice. I turn around and there is this guy about 70 or so on a bicycle wearing a lycra bikers outfit with a helmit on. He starts telling us not to go close to the edge because a tourist fell off last week and he is going on about something until I say, Wait a minute, how the Heck did you get up here with that bicycle? He had to ride about 20 miles, most of it up a steep incline. And the guy was old. He had to be going as fast as I was because there is no roads intersecting this precarious path. He told us he rides up there every day for banana bread. It's the best banana bread on the Island. I said where can you find anything, much less banana bread here? He said that 6 miles ahead is Julie's banana bread shack. He said he eats half of it and brings the rest to his wife. He must really love this woman.
His body suit had Italian names and writing all over it so I asked him if he was Italian. He said, no, I'm a Jew. A jew from the Bronx who moved here years ago. (I guess he really likes banana bread) He told me to tell Julie that Marty the Martian was coming for his bread. Then Marty the Jewish Martian rode off up the mountain but only after he took a picture of us there.
Here is the road I am talking about: deadly cliffs and one lane narrow dirt roads at north west maui. - Review of Highway Route 340, Maui, HI - TripAdvisor