Reef or Relationship?

[southernreefer]

I know that this is sort of different, maybe a little lame, and totally something that a girl would bring up. But in light of recent issues regarding the aforementioned topic, I thought that it might prove interesting to hear others' input on the subject. Now obviously I do not think that the two (reef and relationships) are mutually exclusive, but it does seem to prove more difficult to build a thriving relationship when the partners have varying loves of the hobby.

So my question here is, how do you make it work? It is clear that the participants on this site are definitely some die-hard reefers among varied levels of hobbyists. Do your significant others, should they not share equal passion, get frustrated with your due diligence to the hobby? I know that mine have been on more than one occasion. Perhaps create a ReefersOnly.com? Haha!! [emoji3] [emoji12] Only kidding on that last part.

 

[steve&mari]

Ours works out great. Mari loves to travel to swaps and stores to find nice corals and fish. I am the diehard that builds and maintenance fall on my plate. I manage the money so as long as bills are paid n she has what she wants she doesn't mind my spending on reefing. She will even say bag it when I'm debating if I really want to spend on something lol. She gave the ok for a 300 dollar lightning maroon clown when I was saying it's too much lol. So we have a great balance between us. I wanted a dslr for corals shots she said no problem just when we can get me a tablet for her games n books. So it's working together so both persons needs and wants are met within a budget.

 

[WilRams]

It works pretty well. My gf has always been awesome throughout the hobby and has enjoyed it herself. She goes to meets/shows with me and has a good time helping me pick corals. Usually I pick up a piece or 2 she really likes to call her own. I just make sure to take extra care of it! I never hear the end of it if I kill one of "hers"! Now on big purchases I do start catching flak that she needs to be *ahem* upgraded herself. So yeah gotta do that...

I work hard make sure the house and everything is taken care of first and foremost. She lets me be.

 

[Mike in CT]

My wife loves the fish, but her eyes start glazing over if I start getting reef geeky on her! She is definitely not interested in the different nuances of skim mate! lol. She WOULD though drive 5 hours if it meant getting medication or something or the like for fish. So pretty much, keep the big purchases on the down low, and change the subject if you can tell she is tired of you hearing you talk about the differences of T5 vs LED VS Halide.... Haha

 

[redfishbluefish]

Wife does nothing for the tank, short of wanting to show it off when we have company. It works out just fine, because I have no interest in going to yard sales every weekend. Did I mention every weekend!

You don't need to be in total sync with your partner for everything to work out.

 

[steve&mari]

Wife does nothing for the tank, short of wanting to show it off when we have company. It works out just fine, because I have no interest in going to yard sales every weekend. Did I mention every weekend!

You don't need to be in total sync with your partner for everything to work out.

Exactly I go fish geek out with buddy at lfs for few hours without her she's happy not listening to us forever lol. I'm more then happy to say have fun getting nails done n hitting thrift stores while I watch football or do maintenance without interruption lol.

 

[pelphrey]

Cars were my hobby before marriage, after marriage I took up tanks. A lot less expensive! My wife does enjoy it, she likes going on road trips to different stores and looking at coral and fish. I also know to plan time on our road trips to accommodate her and visit outlet malls or whatever else she may want to do. Typically she just's wants to get out of the house and enjoy a day away. We have a 3 month old and my wife will take our daughter out of the house every week or 2 to give me time to do fish tank work. It's all give and take, I participate in activities she wants to do and I get left alone for mine!

 

[Duke4Life]

I think like everyone else said its a matter of give and take. My wife has been totally supportive with me getting back into the hobby, she's even feed my eel on a few occasions and visited numerous local fish stores. Since she likes the coral I have been diving deeper into that side and will let her pick out some just to keep her interest and to make her feel more a part of this. She let me route our vacation last year and I just had what disc golf course in what state we would visit next allowing time for her to see any sights and shop she wanted. If she's ever talking about something she wants I always encourage her to get if it doesn't break the bank. Now sometimes if there's something coming up, such as a swap or something I want, I'll have the house looking like we had 10 maids come in and have all her laundry done just for the extra brownie points. Gotta love those brownie points. Btw don't bore them with all the minor stuff, that's what we have sites like this for lol

 

[MrDJeep123]

Kayla and I have zero interests maybe with the exception of going canoeing, and I still doubt that she enjoys that. She is indifferent to the tank.

 

[ClowinRound]

My wife was the one that got me into it when we first moved in together, she had a 29 nano. Now she says I’m the one that has the "problem" lol. My experience has been the same like some of the others, as long as bills are paid and she gets her shopping money. Balance is key I think

 

[pelphrey]

My wife was the one that got me into it when we first moved in together, she had a 29 nano. Now she says I’m the one that has the "problem" lol. My experience has been the same like some of the others, as long as bills are paid and she gets her shopping money. Balance is key I think

My wife started this all for me. She wanted a tank a few years ago, just something simple and nice. I realized there was a lot to learn and a challenge involved and have taken it to a new level! My wife actually decorated our daughters room in a "Fish" theme and my daughter was a goldfish for Halloween. That was all my wife!

 

[PedroYoung]

My wife has her garden outside and I have mine inside. We both help each other out, but neither of us have the same level of interest in the other's domain. She feeds the fish when I'm gone, I help her weed the okra or whatever. We each understand the others passion, just don't share it on the same thing, but it works out great. My hobby takes more $$$$$, hers takes more advil.

 

[XocyrusX]

It's funny that I bumped into this thread as I just got married 2 weeks ago. In my wife's vows she said she "promised never to take my fish away from me and support me no matter what". I knew she was the one the day my RO line broke and flooded the house she just laughed and told me I didn't need to mop that week... Hahaha got to love those fish loving spouses.

 

[tjnorthdakota]

Look at it this way there is much worse things your significant other could be into.

 

[bobman]

HAHA my girl used to complain about me working on the tank and the money I spent on it. Used to tell me I loved the tank more than her. Now its all set up and running she messages me everyday with hey babe what about this coral or looks whats floating in the sump in a bag for you. She is now addicted in a major way. I have not mentioned it to her but I think she now loves the tank more than me lol.

 

[Gamma]

My husband complains sometimes about the money I spend but shows it all off to visitors. He thought I was nuts when we were planning a trip from Austin, TX to Aspen, CO for a wedding and I got a footlocker loaded up with a 5g tank, led, heater, thermostat, powerhead, frag rack and plugged it in suv so we could pick up frags along our journey...must say we found some nice ones in Lubbock, TX area. He has his work, running and wine so it all works in the end!

 

[knukles55]

It's all a balance you just need to make sure she's on the pedestal first and the tank 2nd. You can tell how a person will be in the long run about your tank by the conversation length when they first see the tank everrrrr. My wife fell in love with my bio cube when I first met her she ended up getting a 55 gallon from her old boss free and set it up. Needless to say at swaps I point at the coral I want and she haggles with the vendor for the best price she's good at that crap and I love her for it lol.

 

[stunreefer Verified Sponsor]

Reefing has ended three of my relationships over the years. Literally, ended them.

I once heard, "You love your ******* fish more than me!." To which I replied, "It's fishes, and they were here first."

However, I'm in the industry (for 12 years), so not only my free time but my work life is surrounded by this world. I don't have much else to talk about :rolleyes:

My current girlfriend is amazing, and she's fully supportive of my lifestyle/work/hobby. With that said she just thinks everything's pretty and could care less past that. Although she feeds everybody when I'm traveling for work... [HASHTAG]#keeper[/HASHTAG]

 

[Diesel]

LOL, I send her on vacations, got her a beach house and a Audi.
I clean house, make dinner, do the landscaping, and all kinds of things like painting the house, replacing the roof.
Don't ask me if I still have time for reefing............ plenty of time ;)
Oh yeah I forgot I run a construction company too.
No she doesn't complain.
Fact the Matter is that she's now with a bunch of her friends at a "Hunger Games" movie marathon, started at 2 pm and shows all Hunger Games movies and at the end the new Premier of the Hunger Games.
I just got in from Dallas where we have a large job going, need to drive to Austin in the morning.
Yes, my Wife is wonderful and she loves to watch the tank too.
Shows it off to her friends and point out that awesome rare fish nobody has........... Yellow Tail Damsel.
The other day she mentioned that one fish was really sick, as it has lots of spots, that ain't never good.
I knew she was talking about the Gem, LOL.
Don't you love those comments :rolleyes:

 

[pciscott]

The key to relationships is effort, if you do not put any in the relationship it will fail. I have reef friends who do not figure this simple fact out and they end up looking at the tank alone. I am lucky that my wife enjoys the hobby as much as me and feeds the fish at least twice a day. We have met many great friends in the hobby and have not missed a Macna in 6 years. I like the coral, but she loves the fish. As far as hiding expenses it hurts a relationship when money gets tight. I do not hide what I spend, and neither does she. Funny how I get an expensive coral and she gets three new pairs of shoes;)