Reef or Relationship?

[theblackpearl]

I was tempted to get out of the hobby twice now....each time she said "no, keep the tank. We will make everything work out.". I now have a $4000 tank in the foyer. I just chose to ignore her when she says I love the fish more than her

 

[sromero287]

At home my reef is the king, I'm just a slave trying to keep it immaculate, simple or in a few words "I'm crazy about it " and the relationship goes ok because since the first day I make it really clear "you meet me with my reef so if you can handle it great" if no it's been a pleasure. Guys don't let your possessives wife's dictates your hobby!!!!!! There's tons of comments like: my wife won't let me have this or do that... Whattttttttt??? We work so freacking hard to accep it PERIOD!!!
To avoid confusions make it clear since beginning and cero tolerance.
[emoji225][emoji245][emoji226][emoji389][emoji818]️

 

[Brandon Chi]

Yea I live by that motto "happy wife happy life" but for reals she's really supportive of my hobby and she thinks it's fantastic because my 2 year old son loves the tank. His first word was "fishy!" But me I always been a big reef tank only tank but my wife started to love the hobby and wanted fish so I pick the corals and she picks the fish and she knows the hobby because she always checks if it's reef safe lol she has names for all our fish and that's what keeps our relationship going great because we always bend over backwards for each other's hobbies and interest.

 

[lyrical]

He doesn't have to love it... he just has to pay for it

 

[knukles55]

Just don't go adjusting plumbing on the tank at 10 at night when you wife wants to be plumbed first give her a quick pipe so she falls asleep than your free to watch your actinic lit coral till you fall asleep lol

 

[cvicente]

I've been in the aquarium hobby since I was 6 years old, setup my first saltwater tank back in 1983. When I got tired of hearing my wife complaints the decision was simple, I hired a lawyer and got divorced. My current wife loves the hobby and even buys livestock for me, I can't ask for more !! Don't give up your dreams for anyone, just find a person who is willing to dream with you.

 

[tjnorthdakota]

its give and take, a lot of time they forget they have their own rather costly hobbies, of course we are usually gracious enough never to bring those up til they forget. Just remind them that you've still spent less on your aquarium than it cost to build a barn and house their horses in it. or that the new coral or fish you just bought, even though it cost a little more than getting your nails done, it still is way less than your trips to the hair salon. usually there isnt much arguing after that.

 

[ps2cho]

At first during the learning phase when everything was brown she was not impressed....now it's starting to color up and grow she's a little more accepting.

She doesn't ask about cost like I don't ask how much her new boots were

 

[VFR_Mayday]

It would appear you have a plethora of responses but here's my tip. Let them set up a tank of their own with a fish or coral that they really want. For us it was a porky puffer. Set up the tank but have them so the maintenance. Either they love it and get involved or they hate it and you end up taking care of it but they understand the work that goes into it. I. Our case she loved it and now loves to look at Ht main tank even more. Porky outgrew his 30 gal and had to go back to the store. She's too busy now to have one but almost 10 years later she loves it even more.

 

[don_chuwish]

It was her idea, as a Christmas gift for our daughter. Now it's my passion and they appreciate it, but don't participate too much. Wife has ideas & suggestions for livestock, but leaves the 'infra' to me.

 

[Bayou City Reefer]

^^^ EFFORT!!! Same here, wife isn't a big fan of all the attention, money and time I spend on the aquariums.

Learned this the hard way at first when all my passion, $ and time went towards my first reef set up.
Then I got wise , kissed and hugged her as soon as I get home ,spent some time chit chatting catching up with her about our day first then checked on the tanks.

I started to refer to the aquariums as "Our tanks" ,because now she loves to show them off on periscope and instagram to all her followers.

I would also recommend that when you make a big purchase ,lets say and highend coral or skimmer make sure she gets something too!
I have a friend that his wife really likes his tanks but gets jealous of the amount of money he spends on his hobby!

 

[chad vossen]

Met my wife at MACNA in 2013. The biggest issues we have is deciding who gets the next tank... I got her a 150 gallon setup for her big angelfish, and she got me a new 75 setup in return.

 

[Deitta]

My hubby has actually was the one to buy 2 of the 5 tanks I have owned with him, b-day gifts. I also bring up ideas, mention how the fish/coral/expensive thing-a-majig will help make the tank "happy", let him absorb the info then hit with the cost. If he still says ok, a purchase is made. Buying personnel for the tank, he is right there with me, if he helps pick them out, he's more invested emotionally. Over the last 15 years, he has become a hobbiest-lite, he understands most of the biologics, temperaments of most common fish, etc. just don't ask him Latin names! Since the tanks are in the family room, going to the lfs is a family event. We usually have a short list of what we are thinking about before hand, see what the lfs has, ask a few questions to confirm research, buy, then out in unusually under an hour.

As the wife, always say hi to her before the tank. Fair is fair, expect to provide equal cost and time or whatever is "her" desire. Happy wife, happy life also works for husbands too!

 

[cdness]

My wife enjoys the fish side of the hobby and I enjoy the corals. We have a large enough tank for both to enjoy what we like. Most of the fish in there are hers. She gets annoyed on occasion but don't we all?

 

[Betty1964]

It started out as my hobby until I introduced my husband to the engineering side of it. I started with asking him to help me with the plumbing...now he is into it as much as I am. He is into the technology but even more into inverts and fish. He likes the corals but not as much as his fire shrimp and his tangs. Our daughter, on the other hand, thinks we're both insane and says she loves us despite our obvious fishy flaws.

 

[socalswtanker]

My wife may not have the same 'passion' as I do when it comes to fish tanks, but she's been understanding and supportive. Before we married, she had her own freshwater systems, so I always knew she shared some appreciation for aquatic life.

I laughed at some of the comments here -- apparently I'm not the only one that's heard it about spending more time with the tank than with the wife! My wife's exact words were "You spend more time with your arm in that tank than you do with me" to which I laughed like crazy.

Years back I purchased my first 150G tank and in my ignorance (paired with a lack of funds) it wasn't setup right. Filtration was underwhelming, not enough flow, etc... I dealt with algae on a constant basis and eventually the one thing I did have going for me (healthy fish) took a turn for the worse when I introduced a Yellow-eye Tang and had a major Ich outbreak. I lost a Copperband that would literally lay in the palm of my hand while I fed it -- I was crushed! My wife took it upon herself while I was at work to catch EVERY fish (had about 15) and brought them to the LFS and rented a tank to have them treated. As if that wasn't enough, she then talked to the owner and had him come checkout my system, identify it's weaknesses, and recommend a pathway for an overhaul. I will admit that at this point I was pretty broken, felt defeated, a complete failure as a caretaker of my fish/corals, and didn't like the idea of using a 'band-aid' on my existing system to simply limp by. I decided I was going to just throw in the towel. My wife however, REFUSED to let me walk away. She told me that she knew I would regret it and that I cared for it too much to let it go. She went so far as to work out an arrangement with the LFS owner to make payments on a new all-in-one system.

While I can't always convince her to go with me to pick out new corals, I'm always careful to ask for her input on what type of coral she'd like in the system and where she'd like it placed. We have a really fun time with this because I'm color blind so often times I come home with a super colorful coral only for her to tell me it's green or brown like everything else I purchase. Hahaha... She's also left a standing order with the employees at the LFS that I'm not allowed under ANY circumstance to buy a fish unless she's with me, because she doesn't trust me not to come home with another tang.... LOL.

 

[stunreefer]

Met my wife at MACNA in 2013.

Yeah you did

 

[chefjpaul]

Mine used to care less about the hobby, tank(s), etc.

She has always been supportive as It's my money anyway. And was alway proud to show it off.

But-
After I took her diving on the GBR everything changed for the better.
Now she's into all the fish, corals, inverts etc. picks out corals and understands what corals are habitable in which tank.

I still have to pay for it though.

 

[billwill]

My ex wife didn't support my saltwater hobby. I had to keep it at the low end because of the expense to purchase good equipment. I didn't get metal halides until I was newly single 11 years ago. Now I've got a beautiful reef that my daughter and I both totally geek out on.

 

[clee36]

i have a lot of hobbies, reefs, bikes, parrots, and i realized, that usually, the fiance is not interested in all of them.
she does support it though.
just have to find the happy medium.
also it helps that she is going to school, so while she studies her books i can study the tank.