THE BLAME GAME: Are we too quick to blame others? Maybe we should look in the mirror.

[revhtree]

Now don't get mad at me on this one. I've thought about this one for a while, put it on a list, but never posted it because I didn't want it to go off the rails so to speak! But I think we're all adult enough to discuss this topic without it getting personal. So let me preface this with that. Let's keep names, company names, political affiliation, political terms etc. out of this topic please. Ok here we go...

I'm guilty first and foremost. When something goes bad in life that the first reaction is often to look for blame outside of ourselves. Now let's apply that to reefing. Something goes bad, tank crashes, algae takes over, fish dies, whatever it may be, we look to blame. We look to blame the vendor, we look to blame the product, we look to blame the equipment and seldom does it dawn on us that we may be the one to blame. Maybe you went to fast, maybe you didn't buy the right equipment, maybe you didn't acclimate properly, maybe your light settings are terrible, maybe you missed a step, etc! Maybe, maybe, maybe...

WARNING: Before you read the next line, PUT YOUR BIG KID PANTS ON!

Let's talk about this today and hopefully learn to take a look in the mirror before we go blaming others for mistakes that may very well be our own. It's unhealthy to always blame others and live with a victim's mentality. Maybe we can grow from this discussion! So the question is this.

In this hobby are we too quick to blame others, or other things when something goes wrong? What are your thoughts?

 

[AZMSGT]

This topic is more about society than reefing IMHO. People don’t want to be responsible for their own actions.

In my tank, if and when something goes bad I investigate. Depending on the results of my investigation I find what the cause was to my problem.

Apart from equipment failure, most problems would be my fault. I just need to figure out what I did wrong and fix it. Also to add, some equipment failure might just be my fault as well. If I didn’t do preventive maintenance, the failure is on me.

 

[andrewkw]

I was going to say I've seen more people suggest credit card charge backs for crazy things here then anywhere else. BUT I don't spend my days on other forums even a fraction as much as I do here.

A lot of times people act like stores manufacture their live goods when in many cases they aren't even the importer.

 

[Humblefish]

IMO; Vendors should provide hobbyists with a good starting point. This means equipment not prone to failure, accurate test kits, salt/chemicals/supplements subject to Quality Control measures, healthy livestock, etc. After that, it's up to you.

(Unfortunately, a good starting point is probably an unrealistic expectation in this hobby. Thus all the constant griping and complaining.)

 

[Indytraveler83]

I think this hobby is sort of interesting:

We want to aquire animals from far off lands that frequently do not reproduce in captivity (yet).

We want to keep very fragile animals and ecosystems intact in our living room using specialized, sometimes scientific equipment.

We do not wish to pay much for either of these things, as for most of us it's a hobby.

These points put a lot of strain on every step of the way, trying to do very advanced things for a very low price. Lots of blame gets thrown around (I am not innocent either) when in reality we are trying to do something very, very hard.

 

[ImGoingCoastal]

Super ironic, I literally just googled how to stop the "blame game", as I need to do that in my own life. Its hard to accept responsibility for your own actions sometimes.

 

[themcnertney]

Their is information, then their is false information. Sorting that out is the challenge in this hobby. I probably blame myself to quickly sometime before investigating what went wrong. Blaming someone else or yourself, regardless of what you chose, whats done is done and what you do to fix the issue is where you become a better person.

 

[WVNed]

I put it all together and put all the stuff in it. Who would I blame?

It is 100% my problem if something goes wrong. Fault rarely matters

 

[Menamese]

+ 1. It’s all karma and timing. Everything was fine until you got the new piece of equipment or that new frag and your tank went south.

 

[revhtree]

I put it all together and put all the stuff in it. Who would I blame?

It is 100% my problem if something goes wrong. Fault rarely matters

I see your point but there are rare times when the results of something going bad could be the responsibility of someone else. Do you agree with that?

 

[Mical]

This one of those "maybe" questions. Sometimes you CAN place blame - a mfgr for cutting corners, rushing things to market before testing. Or a vendor who sells you something and you find there's a problem w/it and they tell you to call the mfgr.

As many have said above, decisions on your tank fall onto you & you're the only one to blame in that case.

 

[Brew12]

I tend to only blame myself when something goes wrong. I have gotten plenty of bad advice, but shame on me for not having done more research to figure out it was bad. Research can help weed out unscrupulous companies and sellers. A simple concept like if it is too good to be true it probably is will help keep me out of trouble.

Especially when it comes to trying a change or something new on my tank, the final decision is mine. I need to own it.

 

[Tahoe61]

Case in point:

Ordered an ATO and ca test kit. Both scheduled for delivery, both marked delivered per tracking.
Nope only the test kit was delivered, I was disappointed. Thought about communicating my dissatisfaction to vender.
Went back to tracking and discovered that the ATO had been placed in my mailbox.
Glad I took a second look before reaching out to vendor.

Personally I think social media makes it too tempting for some to bash vendors because an individual did not get their immediate gratification need assuaged quickly enough. Human nature sure, but most grievances can be settled with patience and without all the drama.

Life happens.

 

[DeniseAndy]

Well, I have a good one for this. Unfortunately for my fish and me. I bought a fish from a lfs that was brought in by another reef keeper who had it for years. This fish was put into the lfs show tank and looked great. I decided to buy it. Something kept nagging at me, but I went ahead anyway. Edit, it was at the store for at least 2 months.
Within a month all my fish are dead, including new one. Now, I did have the new fish in an observation tank for 2 weeks, no issues. No medications either.
Do I put blame on the lfs? Do I blame myself?
In the end, I let the lfs know what happened in case they wanted to consider treating their fish in the show tank. I did not ask for refund or anything of the sort. They were nice enough to tell me anything I order next will be reduced in price for my losses. Kind.
Did I blame myself, yes to some degree. I had a nagging thing in the back of my mind I ignored. I did observe for 2 weeks, but did not treat. My mistake. Could I have predicted that a captive raised fish would kill all my fish in less than 1 month, no.
Stuff happens in the hobby that even seasoned reefers do not see coming. Will I now qt everything? Yes.
I would say, mostly my fault. Partly, though, just part of life in this hobby. A latent disease cannot be spotted and can be very deadly.

 

[WVNed]

I see your point but there are rare times when the results of something going bad could be the responsibility of someone else. Do you agree with that?

It's not even that rare. I have always had clean up duty after other people make the messes. Perhaps that has affected my outlook. I just fix it and go on.

 

[Greybeard]

I suppose this isn't hard to believe in today's world. My daddy would have tanned my hide if I'd have blamed others for my troubles. I'd like to believe that I taught the same sense of self responsibility to my four daughters.

If I loose a fish, it's my fault. I'm the one that bought the fish, it was my choice of vendors... if I got a sick fish from the vendor, still my fault. I won't make that mistake again. If I over estimate my own abilities in caring for an animal, still my fault.

This relates directly to the problem I have with the 'quarantine everything' crowd... how 'bout, instead of accepting the fact that virtually all the fish we purchase are going to be sick, we quit buying from vendors that sell sick fishes!

I don't really care if it's going to cost me double. Putting a sick fish into a healthy aquarium can cost WAY more than paying double for a healthy fish. Let's tell the industry that, in no uncertain terms. NO. I WILL NOT ACCEPT that selling sick fish is 'normal'.

 

[SunshineNinja]

The only true "blame" I would put on people would be the LFS that take advantage of newbies. When you are new and researching you tend to believe someone who works at a LFS more than your own research. So when you go to the LFS with a plan that you've researched and gone over and over and they tell you, "actually you really need this and the stuff online about this creature is ALL WRONG and you can totally take care of this thing that all your research told you not to get in a new tank", a newbie would believe them... Because they don't have the experience. And I think that's wrong.

Other than that though, you are pretty much in control of almost every parameter. So the blame game doesn't really provide solutions or matter most of the time.

 

[Humblefish]

A latent disease cannot be spotted and can be very deadly.

And this is why prophylaxis is the lesser of two evils. If an experienced hobbyist, such as yourself, cannot spot a latent disease in observation... What chance does a newbie have??

Better to lose a new fish in QT because he cannot tolerate the meds than it is to wipeout your DT. Losing a fish in QT is bad, but still better than the alternative.

 

[mtfish]

I am not really sure I even follow the thought process. I don't see anyone making me take part of this hobby. I have been keeping fish all my life and saltwater tanks since the late 70's. Although I also keep some corals now (since maybe 2000), I am a fish guy. I am a science guy and research until the chickens come to roost (and then some). I rarely post things as most topics are covered by other folks. I do post when I think it is helpful. The world owes me nothing. I learn from my mistakes. I have taken advice of others and sometimes that advice was not good, but I learned from it. To me, my tank is beautiful (beautiful mess, more like it). I wake up each day and try to be the best person I can be. If I mess something up with my tank, I did it. Period. I am old and rambling on this post, but life is what you make of it. Maybe because I have been on this earth for awhile longer than a lot of the folks here, I can see the big picture. Good or bad, you are who you are because of your experiences. Enjoy the journey, take a breath. Take responsibility for your actions. And...., what was the question again?

 

[Rilo]

I believe most of the problems that occur in our reef tanks are user error with a slim chance of it being the fault of the product. Like the red sea tank incidents that occurred.

Many of us here have made the mistake of blaming product x for being the cause of the problem. Then later we go back and look at the issue and go "Oh! I overdosed!".