Toxic reefers

[sk8ter20art]

In this hobby you meet all kinds of people, many different backgrounds, ages, etc. And many experienced hobbyist love sharing there knowledge/experiences with new to the hobby people. I know many experienced reefers that will even give free frags to people just starting out.

So how do you feel when you come across a "toxic reefer". Someone that is quick to bash a brand, a lfs, another reefer, even if they have never had any direct experience. Ones that want everything for next to nothing. Asks your advice, but never trusts/follows any of it. Complains forever there is no LFS and then complains when one does open and they hold it to a standard of a 20+ year old shop in the big city. The ones that are always negative? And I'm not talking about the "keyboard commandos ", the Internet is full of those trash talkers.

This thread is just to share experiences on how you deal with this type of person. It sucks, but these people exist in every hobby.

 

[Shaddow_wolf169]

Wish them the best.

 

[Mason Rice]

I bite my tongue and continue to try and educate them as much as possible with a smile to the point its overwhelming for them.

 

[Stigigemla]

I used 1.5 hours the other day trying to convince a potential customer that a big canister filter can not replace a skimmer in a 260 gallon tank.
The next day a heard from a customer that i really had kicked the guys rump.
Well I told the customer what we was talking about and he just said: Totally normal for him.
But thats about one of 50 customers.

 

[sk8ter20art]

The tough one to convince people is that they don't need to worry about dosing there tank when they have 2 fish and 3 coral frags.

The Internet is great for finding information, but it's also a burden when it comes to the basics. More worried about CA, Mg, alk than the nitrification cycle. Or tank chemistry basics like salinity and pH.

 

[JBradford]

Drives me nuts. We have a bigger SW/reef population in my town than I ever expected. A lot of really cool people I've met in this hobby, and some like you mention. What really chaps me is when one LFS owner bashes another LFS owner. Yes they are competition, I get that entirely.

But in this case the guy being bashed would do anything for anybody. I've watched him loan a T5 fixture from his shop off a display tank to a customer who needed right then and couldn't afford to buy a new fixture till the coming weekend. He's a hobbyist trying to help out and other LFS bash him for it. I shop at both stores, however the second LFS I consider a friend since I've gotten into this hobby the other is a shop owner.

I just bite my tongue and go on. As many times a day I get called a meanie face or a jerk, I try to not get into it with people.

 

[Humblefish]

Best thing you can do is disassociate yourself from a "toxic reefer".

 

[Shep]

I would just like to remind members that vulgarity or masked vulgarity in not allowed on R2R, we try our best to keep the forum as family friendly as possible and appreciate your help in doing so. We will be editing all the posts to remove the vulgarity, please avoid using it in the future as it could result in a warning.

 

[Gator1970]

In this hobby you meet all kinds of people, many different backgrounds, ages, etc. And many experienced hobbyist love sharing there knowledge/experiences with new to the hobby people. I know many experienced reefers that will even give free frags to people just starting out.

So how do you feel when you come across a "toxic reefer". Someone that is quick to bash a brand, a lfs, another reefer, even if they have never had any direct experience. Ones that want everything for next to nothing. Asks your advice, but never trusts/follows any of it. Complains forever there is no LFS and then complains when one does open and they hold it to a standard of a 20+ year old shop in the big city. The ones that are always negative? And I'm not talking about the "keyboard commandos ", the Internet is full of those trash talkers.

This thread is just to share experiences on how you deal with this type of person. It sucks, but these people exist in every hobby.

Toxic reefers are probably just toxic/unhappy people in general. Sad, really. I typically just back away, nodding and smiling. Life's too short to let people bring you down.

 

[DracoKat]

I bang my head with my dad. He's a fresh water keeper- and I am a reefer. He keeps trying to give me advice on my reef that are geered to fresh water, and i keep telling him that it's a reef tank, not planted tank. Eventually I just learned to nod and say "uh huh, dad"

 

[Maritimer]

Drives me nuts. We have a bigger SW/reef population in my town than I ever expected. A lot of really cool people I've met in this hobby, and some like you mention. What really chaps me is when one LFS owner bashes another LFS owner. Yes they are competition, I get that entirely.

But in this case the guy being bashed would do anything for anybody. I've watched him loan a T5 fixture from his shop off a display tank to a customer who needed right then and couldn't afford to buy a new fixture till the coming weekend. He's a hobbyist trying to help out and other LFS bash him for it. I shop at both stores, however the second LFS I consider a friend since I've gotten into this hobby the other is a shop owner.

I just bite my tongue and go on. As many times a day I get called a meanie face or a jerk, I try to not get into it with people.

How is it that I've never been in your state, yet think I've been in both of those shops?!

Sad commentary on the common-ness of toxic folk ... and fortunately, on the common-ness of good, kind-hearted ones as well.

~Bruce

 

[Masedaddy]

I've worked in LFS in the past, mostly to supplement my Coral addiction... I've met many potential hobbyists that refuse to take advice even though they come in and ask for it... They complain that they can't keep fish or Coral and then they want to buy some product for a quick fix. In this age of fast food, fast Internet, fast everything and TV addicted society; people can no longer wait for anything...

They would come back week after week and complain that this or that wasn't going right. I would ask did you try: x,y,z from our last conversation... Answer was always no or some long winded explanation why they didn't (wouldn't) etc etc.

So in that case, I would just say "You come back when you're ready to get serious." Most would either disappear or would come back and really jump in with both feet.

 

[Masedaddy]

Then the other types (I think are even worse) are the people that have been in the hobby for a long time and they still want to beat you up on the prices of corals etc. It's like look you know what these things are going for and the price of equipment etc. If you don't like my prices then go somewhere else. Don't badger me into giving away corals or equipment for less than what it's worth.

The worst is when people you've known for a long time or people that are in your reef club etc try this stuff. Just because we're buddies doesn't mean I'm going to give stuff away. I'll cut you a deal or work out a trade but I'm not giving stuff away and I don't think you should be expected too.

I sell frags on occasion at frag shows or local swap meets and sometimes I sell things online.

Online it's crazy because you don't see the person directly so they think they can strong arm you with the threat of a bad review etc. Or they low ball you and say I can get it here for this price, blah blah blah. I say well then go buy it from them...

At frag shows/meets, it's laughable when people you know or are friends with, will approach you interested in a Coral. They will haggle you or low ball you to death then walk away. You see them later bragging about the same Coral frag they bought from someone else for more money.... It's frustrating and humorous at the same time.

Sorry for the rant, just my thoughts on things I see everyday in the Reefing Community.

 

[Salty1962]

Positive Re-enforcement.

 

[sk8ter20art]

Then the other types (I think are even worse) are the people that have been in the hobby for a long time and they still want to beat you up on the prices of corals etc. It's like look you know what these things are going for and the price of equipment etc. If you don't like my prices then go somewhere else. Don't badger me into giving away corals or equipment for less than what it's worth.

The worst is when people you've known for a long time or people that are in your reef club etc try this stuff. Just because we're buddies doesn't mean I'm going to give stuff away. I'll cut you a deal or work out a trade but I'm not giving stuff away and I don't think you should be expected too.

I sell frags on occasion at frag shows or local swap meets and sometimes I sell things online.

Online it's crazy because you don't see the person directly so they think they can strong arm you with the threat of a bad review etc. Or they low ball you and say I can get it here for this price, blah blah blah. I say well then go buy it from them...

At frag shows/meets, it's laughable when people you know or are friends with, will approach you interested in a Coral. They will haggle you or low ball you to death then walk away. You see them later bragging about the same Coral frag they bought from someone else for more money.... It's frustrating and humorous at the same time.

Sorry for the rant, just my thoughts on things I see everyday in the Reefing Community.

Bieng a shop owner I have run into this a lot. My shop is in a new market area for saltwater. There are other "pet shops" that dabble in saltwater, but I'm the only strictly saltwater fish store.

Many of my customers are beginners, so they want cheap, easy, and colorful corals. Most have never heard of Jason fox, reef raft,WWC, etc. They would scoff at $20 per polyp pricing, no matter how pretty. So I carry a lot of common zoas, hammers, Duncan's, etc. I am working on tank space and my collection of mother colonies, so I can grow out my own stock. Even with wholesale accounts I can't just order collector zoas, etc at any given time, shops that have them grow there own collection out.

Or someone comes in with an issue, asks your advice, you give them an answer. If it's not the answer they are looking for they rephrase it. Or they go home and ask online, but only paint half of the picture to get an answer they prefer to hear. Then come back and make it out that your answer is wrong.

 

[Masedaddy]

Exactly

 

[Gator1970]

Bieng a shop owner I have run into this a lot. My shop is in a new market area for saltwater. There are other "pet shops" that dabble in saltwater, but I'm the only strictly saltwater fish store.

Many of my customers are beginners, so they want cheap, easy, and colorful corals. Most have never heard of Jason fox, reef raft,WWC, etc. They would scoff at $20 per polyp pricing, no matter how pretty. So I carry a lot of common zoas, hammers, Duncan's, etc. I am working on tank space and my collection of mother colonies, so I can grow out my own stock. Even with wholesale accounts I can't just order collector zoas, etc at any given time, shops that have them grow there own collection out.

Or someone comes in with an issue, asks your advice, you give them an answer. If it's not the answer they are looking for they rephrase it. Or they go home and ask online, but only paint half of the picture to get an answer they prefer to hear. Then come back and make it out that your answer is wrong.

I never haggle a price, or look for a deal. What I look for in a shop is not prices, but selection, healthy stock and quality dry goods. As far as taking advice from aquarium store proprietors, some are excellent sources, some not so much. I think the answers to most questions can be found online, if you are careful and do your research.

 

[Masedaddy]

I never haggle a price, or look for a deal. What I look for in a shop is not prices, but selection, healthy stock and quality dry goods. As far as taking advice from aquarium store proprietors, some are excellent sources, some not so much. I think the answers to most questions can be found online, if you are careful and do your research.

I agree, in my newbie days of reefing I got one terrible advice from Store Owners and I got some good advice as well. Online and forums are a great resource. I think it can be overwhelming to some new people though.

 

[sk8ter20art]

I never haggle a price, or look for a deal. What I look for in a shop is not prices, but selection, healthy stock and quality dry goods. As far as taking advice from aquarium store proprietors, some are excellent sources, some not so much. I think the answers to most questions can be found online, if you are careful and do your research.

Yes I agree that the quality of info from a store can vary greatly. But it's amazing how some people will re word a question 6 times looking for the answer they "want" to hear, even though it's not the truth. So they turn to the Internet where they can ask, but leave out import info to get the answer the want to hear. Then they feel empowered that somebody has there side.

I don't mind some haggling, especially if they are buying more than one item. If it's livestock I have more wiggle room to come down on price vs let's say a brand new aquarium. Besides it never hurts to ask. Also if somebody wants to "trade" something in like a fish or coral. I make an offer that is fair to me (for resale purpose), then it's there choice to take that offer or not.

 

[reeferfoxx]

We all have a little toxicity in us.