How did you convince your spouse???

[meir]

Well, considering I'm only 14 I didn't have this problem but I did have to convince my parents. :D
Basically, I did a lot of research and did a lot of around the house chores for 2 years and my mom finally gave in. My dad was all for it in the beginning which helped :)

I went thru the same process, but I'm not so sure @corey.nolta wants to wait two years to start his build

 

[Sierra T]

I gave the wife a 180 for her puffer fish and all the other things she likes that will eat my coral.

So not true. I've been involved since we've been together. But giving me a 180 certainly helps

 

[Radman73]

I started small, a 29gal biocube, and we agreed if I could keep things alive I could upgrade. The trick was not telling her what I wanted to upgrade to lol! I had a 135 in hand, and in place actually, at one point but the timing just wasn't good. Shortly after got a good deal on a 60 cube. When we moved to Florida, she knew I was going to want a bigger tank. So now I have a 220gal waiting for a few more things before I fill it up. Namely plumbing, rock, and sand.

I'm fortunate that my wife not only tolerates but encourages this hobby. She and the kids love the fish and corals. She doesn't do any of the work, but she understands the expense involved and helps budget for it. I don't need to keep anything a secret. She realizes there are worse, more expensive, or both types of hobbies that I could get into. At least this one the whole family can enjoy. I also gave up pretty much all of my other hobbies to focus on this one. So it's my "one thing" that I do and enjoy.

So, is there any part of the hobby that she enjoys? Particular fish, sea horses, or types of coral that you could accommodate in a larger tank? My wife LOVES anthias. I told her we could get a large harem of them in a 220. Or two harem's of a different species even. Honestly, that sold her. Find something she likes, and then fit it into what you want to do.

 

[bsfmaximus]

I typically plant the seed, "we really need ______, it will look so much better with our space," and then bring it up daily. When the time comes and I am ready to execute, she is either desensitized and ok with the idea, or actually mildly excited about it.

 

[Daniel@R2R Verified Admin]

Show her some really nice large tanks (ROTM, etc.) and then when she asks why your tank doesn't look like that. Tell her it's bc you need a bigger tank to make it look like that. :D:D:cool:

 

[Lowstorm]

I'm the woman of my relationship.

He's going through the car phase at the moment (rebuilding a z28) so he can't complain. And he built me a stand that will both hold my current tank AND a 240 in the future...
Yup.

 

[meir]

So not true. I've been involved since we've been together. But giving me a 180 certainly helps

You @JaimeAdams are married? Well that's a ***** awkward for him being that he just posted how he "played you".......well ain't that interesting

 

[JaimeAdams]

You @JaimeAdams are married? Well that's a ***** awkward for him being that he just posted how he "played you".......well ain't that interesting

What?

Yes, I am married, to my awesome wife Sierra. As she said she has been involved to the point of wanting to add invasive coral to "my" tank. Or wanting to toss a dog face puffer into my reef or pointing at a tank and saying "I like that, make it happen" or dumping copious amounts of food into the tank or telling me that everything pretty in the tank is hers and I can't give anyone frags of it. Granted she is awesome because she lets me do it and doesn't complain that we have tanks all over the house or the amount of time I spend doing tank stuff or hobby related activities.

 

[Bob E]

Like anything couples do together or have to deal with while the other does what he/she likes. Take account for their opinions and likes, If they take part or just have some input also makes the project part of their own. During construction, if a mess is an issue make sure to clean up often and stay organized and if they are willing to help they may enjoy seeing the finished product that they helped build. And last, bribes always seem to help

 

[DarkSky]

She likes it just as much as I do, I just have to do the testing and most of the maintenance. She feeds and picks out the fish. ;)

 

[meir]

What?

Yes, I am married, to my awesome wife Sierra. As she said she has been involved to the point of wanting to add invasive coral to "my" tank. Or wanting to toss a dog face puffer into my reef or pointing at a tank and saying "I like that, make it happen" or dumping copious amounts of food into the tank or telling me that everything pretty in the tank is hers and I can't give anyone frags of it. Granted she is awesome because she lets me do it and doesn't complain that we have tanks all over the house or the amount of time I spend doing tank stuff or hobby related activities.

Couple goals, seriously, if and when I get married, Ima put "you need to love my fish the way you love me" on my résumé. What I was saying was that everyone is saying how they tricked their spouse into a bigger and better tank......and your wife just read yours.....

 

[Sierra T]

Couple goals, seriously, if and when I get married, Ima put "you need to love my fish the way you love me" on my résumé. What I was saying was that everyone is saying how they tricked their spouse into a bigger and better tank......and your wife just read yours.....

It's all good. I'll admit I don't enjoy it on the same level as he does and we have very different tastes as to what we like in our tanks, but we make it work.

It's surprising and impressive the amount of dedication and commitment it takes for the hobby and to see one put that in. I do zero of the maintenence, except hold a hose in the tank or turn on pumps etc, I just pick out the things I like and put them together. He's the one that really makes it happen.

 

[meir]

It's all good. I'll admit I don't enjoy it on the same level as he does and we have very different tastes as to what we like in our tanks, but we make it work.

It's surprising and impressive the amount of dedication and commitment it takes for the hobby and to see one put that in. I do zero of the maintenence, except hold a hose in the tank or turn on pumps etc, I just pick out the things I like and put them together. He's the one that really makes it happen.

It's a mans hobby [emoji849][emoji6][emoji6]

 

[cdmckinzie]

I'm the wife and have wanted a saltwater tank for a long time. My hubby and kids got me a 90g used set up for Christmas, then one of my daughters found a 140g so we are going to set that one up first. My hubby and I do everything together but he is going one that will be doing all the plumbing and set up and maintenance on it

 

[cdmckinzie]

I hit the wrong button. He also really likes the corals and I like the fish so we will be getting things that go together. I'm going to set up the 90g later for maybe an octopus or ray or triggers, but that will be when we really know what we're doing. Can't wait!

 

[Breadman03]

When I told hubby I was going to get back into reefing, he made his usual gripe about spending too much on a hobby. I then just went and opened up his 2 overflowing gun safes and let him know I found the three new rifles he bought last week. Checkmate!

Just so long as it's fair both ways. :)

So not true. I've been involved since we've been together. But giving me a 180 certainly helps

Welcome! The family that (insert common interest here) together, stays together!

It's a mans hobby [emoji849][emoji6][emoji6]

Easy there! Though it does seem as if the hobby is dominated by males, there's quite a contingent of ladies with....purple thumbs. :)

 

[Tahoe61]

Easy there! Though it does seem as if the hobby is dominated by males, there's quite a contingent of ladies with....purple thumbs. :)

^^^^ This female have been at this hobby for over 30 yrs. :rolleyes:

And for me it's a package deal. No tank is a deal breaker and that has never changed.

 

[Customride0105]

Hide it... that's what I do my wife couldn't tell you what I have in my tank or what's spent on it :)

Told her I was getting a frag tank just leave it at that come home with a 8ftx4ft tank lol she hasn't seen it but its almost ready to be set up. Not letting her know or waiting to find out still feels like all he'll is going to break out. Like others said just do it and let her find out on her own. When she does say something tell her it was smaller in the pics..

 

[meir]

Just so long as it's fair both ways. :)



Welcome! The family that (insert common interest here) together, stays together!



Easy there! Though it does seem as if the hobby is dominated by males, there's quite a contingent of ladies with....purple thumbs. :)

You're right , let's not upset our awesome other halves of this hobby

 

[meir]

^^^^ This female have been at this hobby for over 30 yrs. :rolleyes:

And for me it's a package deal. No tank is a deal breaker and that has never changed.

Of corse, isnt it this way for all is reefers