I'm having the WORST day
- Thread starter Seawitch
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Geebs19
Give me all the Euphyllia
What did the fish say when he posted bail? "I'm off the hook!"
Why don't fish like basketball? Cause they're afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why don't fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
Why don't fish like basketball? Cause they're afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why don't fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
Brew12
Electrical Gru
I used to know one. It got away.
swebb
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Three guys are hiking through the woods and they find a lamp.
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
"Guys, I think I messed up."
(stolen from reddit but is a great joke)
One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
"Guys, I think I messed up."
(stolen from reddit but is a great joke)
ReefTeacher
Active Member
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me too!
After walking home in the snow, I put on my slippers and made myself a cup of tea. I drank it in front of my aquarium.
I feel better already!
After walking home in the snow, I put on my slippers and made myself a cup of tea. I drank it in front of my aquarium.
I feel better already!
OP
OP
Seawitch
Water, water everywhere,
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How about fish poetry?
"I never lost a little fish--yes, I am free to say
It always was the biggest fish I caught that got away." Eugene Field
"I never lost a little fish--yes, I am free to say
It always was the biggest fish I caught that got away." Eugene Field
JoshH
Tank Status: Wet...ish, growing things....
No Jokes here but we can still be silly! Hope your day gets better!!!
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Coralreefer1
Valuable Member
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Why are fish so smart? They swim in schools.
Why are Lysmata Amboinensis, Lysmata Debelius, and Lysmata Wurdemanni, so small? There shrimps!
Did you know that you can tune a a piano, but you can’t tuna fish?
What do you call a Damsel in distress? A Ladyfish
If you had 5 Firefish in your tank on a Tusday Morning. How many would you be left with come Tuesday night? Maybe a couple, because all the others would have jump out.
If a fish were sick...where would you take it? To see a Nurse Shark of course.
If you had three Crevalle Jacks, would that beat three Queen Triggers? Nope, a Queen beats a Jack
Why are Lysmata Amboinensis, Lysmata Debelius, and Lysmata Wurdemanni, so small? There shrimps!
Did you know that you can tune a a piano, but you can’t tuna fish?
What do you call a Damsel in distress? A Ladyfish
If you had 5 Firefish in your tank on a Tusday Morning. How many would you be left with come Tuesday night? Maybe a couple, because all the others would have jump out.
If a fish were sick...where would you take it? To see a Nurse Shark of course.
If you had three Crevalle Jacks, would that beat three Queen Triggers? Nope, a Queen beats a Jack
Flippers4pups
Fins up since 1993
Did you hear about the fish that got in a fight at the restaurant?
He got battered!
He got battered!
Flippers4pups
Fins up since 1993
Don't let a bad day be a bad life. Me.
One step at a time!
One step at a time!
Coralreefer1
Valuable Member
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One fish...
Two fish...
Red fish...
Blue fish...
Care to read? Reading usually cheers me up! Has to have a lot of pictures and very few words...
Two fish...
Red fish...
Blue fish...
Care to read? Reading usually cheers me up! Has to have a lot of pictures and very few words...
ReefTeacher
Active Member
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when I was keeping goldfish in the 90's I had 3 beauties in a tank: a pure white Ryukin, a deep Red Ryukin and a gorgeous Blue Oranda. When people would ask me what their names were I would say, "I call the white one 'One Fish Two Fish'".
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