Jokes

[Crabs McJones]

I'm having a bit of a rough day. So to cheer me up I thought I'd share one of my all time favorite jokes, and have others chime in with theirs.

A guy walks into a hardware store and walks up to the man behind the counter and says "hello, I'd like to purchase some 2 by 4's"
The guy behind the counter says "no problem sir, we have plenty. How long do you need them?"
The customer replies "oh for quite some time, I'm building a shed"

 

[Opus]

Never trust an atom, they make up everything!

 

[Crabs McJones]

Thanks everyone!

 

[nautical_nathaniel]

About the only thing I know is "What's brown and sticky?" - A Stick :)

 

[Tahoe61]

I'm having a bit of a rough day. So to cheer me up I thought I'd share one of my all time favorite jokes, and have others chime in with theirs.

A guy walks into a hardware store and walks up to the man behind the counter and says "hello, I'd like to purchase some 2 by 4's"
The guy behind the counter says "no problem sir, we have plenty. How long do you need them?"
The customer replies "oh for quite some time, I'm building a shed"

Sorry you're having a bit of a rough day. ;Shy

Just a reminder for you comedians, jokes should be family friendly for all ages.

Hope your day turns around crabs_mcjones. :)

 

[Crabs McJones]

Sorry you're having a bit of a rough day. ;Shy

Just a reminder for you comedians, jokes should be family friendly for all ages.

Hope your day turns around crabs_mcjones. :)

Sorry about that!

 

[xjiang7]

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. One piece of string asks for a drink for himself and one for each of his friends. And the barman says, ‘We don’t serve pieces of string here.’ To one of the pieces of string. So. It goes back to its friends and says, ‘They don’t serve strings here’ the middle one does it too, get the same answer. then the last one, he ties himself around the middle and he pulls the end of him all out. And he orders three drinks. And the barman says, ‘here, aren’t you one of those pieces of string?’ And he says, the piece of string, he says, ‘No.’I'm a frayed knot.’

 

[Krzydmnd]

Three pieces of string walk into a bar. One piece of string asks for a drink for himself and one for each of his friends. And the barman says, ‘We don’t serve pieces of string here.’ To one of the pieces of string. So. It goes back to its friends and says, ‘They don’t serve strings here’ the middle one does it too, get the same answer. then the last one, he ties himself around the middle and he pulls the end of him all out. And he orders three drinks. And the barman says, ‘here, aren’t you one of those pieces of string?’ And he says, the piece of string, he says, ‘No.’I'm a frayed knot.’

This is one of my all time favorite dad jokes.

 

[Tuffyyyyy]

 

[Crabs McJones]

If I had a nickel for every time I heard this from my wife...I could buy more coral!

 

[SDReefer]

What's a fish's favorite type of music?

Live rock!

 

[Tahoe61]

What do you call a Mushroom that likes to party???

Drum rollllllllll please. ;Singing;Singing

A Fungi to be with.....


;Bookworm

 

[budau18]

What’s the difference with America and a memory stick?

Ones USA and the other is USB

 

[Sipec]

Nemo? Dory?

 

[Sipec]

Here’s another one:

 

[Jason mack]

A horse Goes into a bar ... barman says ..” why the long face “

 

[Greybeard]

Any parrot keepers around here?

Old lady buys a parrot to keep her company.
Parrot has a bad vocabulary, cusses all the time.
Lady calls her vet, asks if he can help.
Vet says, next time the parrot cusses, place him in your freezer for a few minutes.
Lady tries it...
Parrot comes out shivering.
Lady asks, 'you done cussing now?'
Parrot says 'Sure, I just got one question...'
What did the chicken do?