Our 400 Gallon In Wall Natural Sun-Lit Reef
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Breadman03
Valuable Member
The tank is as beautiful as ever. Nice to see you pop in!
Glad to see this tank is not only still up and running, but looking great.
Glad to see you here ... and thrilled to know that you and the tank are doing as well as the tone in your voice and the bloom on those corals & fish!
(Cockatiel sounds pretty happy too!)
~Bruce
(Cockatiel sounds pretty happy too!)
~Bruce
RICH'S REEF
New Member
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2018
- Messages
- 22
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- 65
I've never cried reading a thread post, anywhere on any forum...but this brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing. This story touched me in a way I will never forget. Thank you.
OP
OP
Welcome back Joe, it's looking a lot better, I hope you are doing well as well.
But how dare you insult my blue lights.
Look forward to more updates.
Derek
Thanks for the great welcome back, it feels good to be doing things on my own terms again and not letting the grief run my life any longer.
OP
OP
I am a widower – Year Four. It’s the beginning of the Memorial Day weekend and I’m packing the last few items in the car for Stella and me, we’re about to hit the open road for a fun filled weekend of new happy memories with people that I love. It was only a moment ago that Kelly and I were doing this same thing, scrambling to grab that last item before catching that little prop plane to a sunny destination. So many memories fill my mind of the life we shared, most are happy, some I wish I could forget. I can’t help remembering those times, so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. It’s my life of contradictions.
Into the 4th year, such a long time yet so very short. A moment ago, Kelly said she loved me, just a moment ago, 4 years ago. When your spouse dies, you must somehow find the strength to inhabit a world in which the one you love no longer resides. Some people think one should be over the grief of losing their spouse by now. They have not lost one yet you see so they have no idea, no idea that the loss is forever. There will be no new memories, I hold on to the ones I have, I now have to forget the future we had hoped for, and for the happiness we brought to each other. Now, all I have are photographs and memories. It that all that is left? Yeah, it is, but it’s better than nothing.
I am now into my 4th year and I still want someone, anyone to tell me it was just a nightmare, that it never happened. The loss of Kelly weights heavy on my heart every day. Some days it is not as severe, but then there is the day that is as raw as it was the moment it happened. Grief never really leaves—not as long as you remain on this earth. It gets easier to live with, they say, but at any time, even years down the road when I feel as if I’ve finally gotten on with life, it will step in front of you like a linebacker. Its sudden appearance, for whatever reason, has caused me to fall to my knees in agony. It has snuck up behind me, causing me to struggle out of its clutches leaving me weary and depleted having to pull myself together in ways I never expected to go through again.
When you first loose someone you love, confusion comes to live in your life. The deeper you loved them the stronger the confusion is and longer lasting. I have been through Four years of confusion. Time makes a difference for as it goes along, the overwhelming senses of hurt, loss and pain change. I still feel the confusion, but it has softened a little. Its little things like when you know you did something but you go back and find out it is not done. Times like those I start to wonder if I am losing my mind. I think that loss in death changes the pathways our thoughts travel and closes off other paths. Some are for my own protection, others are for our lessons in life, yet still others are teaching me new ways to live without those I love. Such a hard, unending, process. The wheels of healing in any form are slow and agonizing.
The gifts that loss has brought me are a closer, deeper understanding of my family and friends. It gifted me with many people that love me for who I am and would help me on a moment’s notice. It gave me a greater appreciation of those around me, a deeper love. In the beginning, I did not want love. Love hurts, so does loneliness and living only in your head and your memories. I find I can love now with complete honesty. I speak the truth no matter how hard it is for others to hear it. My interests have changed and that is good too, yes I still love Disney.
I do smile more, laugh more and enjoy others company where once that seemed impossible. It is not a betrayal of the one you love, for they are right there with me, smiling, laughing and enjoying what I am doing. I take my grief out once a day and look at where I’ve been and wonder where I am going. There will always be times, at odd moments when I cry for Kelly, but at the same time she left me the gift of her unconditional love. I have the gift of so many others, friends and relatives alike. So I think what I am trying to say is: I am accepting the gifts that grief brings. They will not make up for my loss, but they will help me along my new pathways. Share your love.
With love,
Forever a Husband
Into the 4th year, such a long time yet so very short. A moment ago, Kelly said she loved me, just a moment ago, 4 years ago. When your spouse dies, you must somehow find the strength to inhabit a world in which the one you love no longer resides. Some people think one should be over the grief of losing their spouse by now. They have not lost one yet you see so they have no idea, no idea that the loss is forever. There will be no new memories, I hold on to the ones I have, I now have to forget the future we had hoped for, and for the happiness we brought to each other. Now, all I have are photographs and memories. It that all that is left? Yeah, it is, but it’s better than nothing.
I am now into my 4th year and I still want someone, anyone to tell me it was just a nightmare, that it never happened. The loss of Kelly weights heavy on my heart every day. Some days it is not as severe, but then there is the day that is as raw as it was the moment it happened. Grief never really leaves—not as long as you remain on this earth. It gets easier to live with, they say, but at any time, even years down the road when I feel as if I’ve finally gotten on with life, it will step in front of you like a linebacker. Its sudden appearance, for whatever reason, has caused me to fall to my knees in agony. It has snuck up behind me, causing me to struggle out of its clutches leaving me weary and depleted having to pull myself together in ways I never expected to go through again.
When you first loose someone you love, confusion comes to live in your life. The deeper you loved them the stronger the confusion is and longer lasting. I have been through Four years of confusion. Time makes a difference for as it goes along, the overwhelming senses of hurt, loss and pain change. I still feel the confusion, but it has softened a little. Its little things like when you know you did something but you go back and find out it is not done. Times like those I start to wonder if I am losing my mind. I think that loss in death changes the pathways our thoughts travel and closes off other paths. Some are for my own protection, others are for our lessons in life, yet still others are teaching me new ways to live without those I love. Such a hard, unending, process. The wheels of healing in any form are slow and agonizing.
The gifts that loss has brought me are a closer, deeper understanding of my family and friends. It gifted me with many people that love me for who I am and would help me on a moment’s notice. It gave me a greater appreciation of those around me, a deeper love. In the beginning, I did not want love. Love hurts, so does loneliness and living only in your head and your memories. I find I can love now with complete honesty. I speak the truth no matter how hard it is for others to hear it. My interests have changed and that is good too, yes I still love Disney.
I do smile more, laugh more and enjoy others company where once that seemed impossible. It is not a betrayal of the one you love, for they are right there with me, smiling, laughing and enjoying what I am doing. I take my grief out once a day and look at where I’ve been and wonder where I am going. There will always be times, at odd moments when I cry for Kelly, but at the same time she left me the gift of her unconditional love. I have the gift of so many others, friends and relatives alike. So I think what I am trying to say is: I am accepting the gifts that grief brings. They will not make up for my loss, but they will help me along my new pathways. Share your love.
With love,
Forever a Husband
OP
OP
I am a Widower – Year Five. Do I still hurt? Yes. Is the hurt the same? No. Have I healed? Yes and no.
Grief is not a hurdle. It is not a line in the sand. It is not a door you can close. Grief is an endless path. A never ending lesson. Grief is a part of who you are.
Grief is a silent passenger, a constant companion, and it is a reminder that long after we are all gone, love will always remain.
It has been 5 years since Kelly’s death and I can still say not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I still miss her, and I still miss being known in the way only time with someone allows. But these tend to be silent thoughts, in the back of my head. Time has moved on, as have I.
And then Mariah Carey will come on, and I remember Kelly singing & dancing around to “Emotions” and out of nowhere I am crying as if she just died. I am back to being a puddle of memories and a being made of nothing but aches. I remember everything, her last touch, her last kiss, her last breath, the nurse dressing her in her favorite pajamas, then, the funeral home taking her body away. I can't believe how callus I am to have let my life move on, to have the nerve to exist without her, the audacity to look for joy again. Then, suddenly I laugh out loud, remembering the glee on her face when she’d call me for dinner waiting for my reaction to the new creation she had just made from the last episode of Giada at Home. The ache dulls and I am overcome with the reality of luck I had in sharing life with her in the first place.
That's what grief is. A reminder of what has been lost, and what has been gained.
The ache never ends. It becomes part of you. It is always there, but with a quiet presence. A presence that bears witness to new comforts, new losses, new loves, new heartaches, new choices, and new mistakes – the list is endless. Everything is new. Even what you remember is new because it will now have a new life, a new color, a new insight. It is a new and different you experiencing the memory. Life will go on and happiness will find you again, and who you are will be greater because of the lessons you have learned.
That's what grief is. Grief is a teacher.
We are always in the midst of becoming more than we have been. More than we expect. More than we believe we are capable of. We are the sum of all that has come before, and in a way I don't fully understand, we are also the sum of what will come after. In the end, nothing is ever so lost, that it cannot be found again, and no tears have ever been cried, that weren't worth the joy that came before.
Remembering you today and every day, My Love. I miss you dearly. – Forever a Husband
Grief is not a hurdle. It is not a line in the sand. It is not a door you can close. Grief is an endless path. A never ending lesson. Grief is a part of who you are.
Grief is a silent passenger, a constant companion, and it is a reminder that long after we are all gone, love will always remain.
It has been 5 years since Kelly’s death and I can still say not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I still miss her, and I still miss being known in the way only time with someone allows. But these tend to be silent thoughts, in the back of my head. Time has moved on, as have I.
And then Mariah Carey will come on, and I remember Kelly singing & dancing around to “Emotions” and out of nowhere I am crying as if she just died. I am back to being a puddle of memories and a being made of nothing but aches. I remember everything, her last touch, her last kiss, her last breath, the nurse dressing her in her favorite pajamas, then, the funeral home taking her body away. I can't believe how callus I am to have let my life move on, to have the nerve to exist without her, the audacity to look for joy again. Then, suddenly I laugh out loud, remembering the glee on her face when she’d call me for dinner waiting for my reaction to the new creation she had just made from the last episode of Giada at Home. The ache dulls and I am overcome with the reality of luck I had in sharing life with her in the first place.
That's what grief is. A reminder of what has been lost, and what has been gained.
The ache never ends. It becomes part of you. It is always there, but with a quiet presence. A presence that bears witness to new comforts, new losses, new loves, new heartaches, new choices, and new mistakes – the list is endless. Everything is new. Even what you remember is new because it will now have a new life, a new color, a new insight. It is a new and different you experiencing the memory. Life will go on and happiness will find you again, and who you are will be greater because of the lessons you have learned.
That's what grief is. Grief is a teacher.
We are always in the midst of becoming more than we have been. More than we expect. More than we believe we are capable of. We are the sum of all that has come before, and in a way I don't fully understand, we are also the sum of what will come after. In the end, nothing is ever so lost, that it cannot be found again, and no tears have ever been cried, that weren't worth the joy that came before.
Remembering you today and every day, My Love. I miss you dearly. – Forever a Husband
Fudsey
Jack of all trades, Master of none ;-)
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My Tank Thread
Glad to hear you and see your tank is still thriving. Sad to remember with you and feel your grief. I will forever remember reading this thread and feeling completely over whelmed and weeping for your wife and you. I hope you find the good memories filling you with happiness and never forgetting.
Well I have been reading through the thread the last couple of days, and like other people have mentioned on here thinking it would be the standard run of the mill progress thread.
There are no words that can describe what you have been through.
Your a great human being and you pretty good at creating great reef tanks too!
Kelly will be more than proud.
There are no words that can describe what you have been through.
Your a great human being and you pretty good at creating great reef tanks too!
Kelly will be more than proud.
Nano man
Well-Known Member
Glad to see you back on here Joe, the minute I got the email for the natural sunlit tank I knew I had to look instantly! Heck your the reason for my in wall build tank minus the natural light!
I been following your thread since day one and know that It wasn’t an easy journey. One thing for all of us to remember is to enjoy the moment now and do not keep anything pending for tomorrow! No one knows the future so please live life to its fullest and have no regrets. And Joe, I’m glad you kept up with the tank, I feel that is a reminder of your loved one who will always be with you no matter what.
Bless!
I been following your thread since day one and know that It wasn’t an easy journey. One thing for all of us to remember is to enjoy the moment now and do not keep anything pending for tomorrow! No one knows the future so please live life to its fullest and have no regrets. And Joe, I’m glad you kept up with the tank, I feel that is a reminder of your loved one who will always be with you no matter what.
Bless!
OP
OP
and this is why I love the Reef2Reef family! I'll try to post more frequently, more pictures and 4k video to come soon.
OP
OP
While I'm here I need a few suggestions. I am thinking about changing out my pumps I am currently using Reeflo pumps they are getting a bit old. I'm running two Super Dart Golds for circulation with a gph of 4300 each. On my - My Reef Creations MRC MR-6R Recirculating Protein Skimmer I am using a Reeflo Hammerhead Gold gph of 6000. I'm looking for suggestions for less power hungry pumps but I don't want to give up my current GPH. Are my Reeflo pumps still the best choice? I've had a few of them start leaking and getting in touch with reeflo can be challenging with the amount of emails you have to send.
I would look at getting rid of the closed loop. Those new powerheads esp the gyres are way more energy efficient. Plus you can sync many powerheads together and make them do very strong push pull or async waves.
OP
OP
How are those powerheads compared to my EcoTech MP60's?
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