Awkward social situation

[Humblefish]

Ok I need some advice, and this is totally a serious post. Wife & I have a friend/neighbor (older lady in her mid-50s) who we sometimes have a meal with (BBQ) or hang out & talk. Lately we have been getting into the habit of watching TV shows with her as we eat, and here is where the problem comes in...

She drops food all over our couch/floor when she eats. Doesn't even realize it, we have to clean up after she leaves. This is very strange to us, as she is the sort of person who seems very considerate & has good manners. Lately I have been insisting that we eat at the table (or outside on the back patio), but I can tell she doesn't understand why we don't eat on the couch like we used to. :eek:

How do I handle this? My wife doesn't think there is any way we can talk to her about this without embarrassing her or hurting her feelings. But I can tell the lady is getting more & more aggravated with me because we don't watch TV while we eat anymore. What to do? :p

 

[Cyclist]

Buy a TV for outside?

 

[TwelveL16]

clean it up in front of her maybe she will volunteer to do it and be more careful next time

 

[4FordFamily]

This is where sometimes I am glad I am blunt (and by some people's standards a three letter word for a buttocks). It's not that I try to be but its just easier for me to be honest, I'm lazy, and I get away with saying what's on my mind because "that's just me". People expect it. Once you have that reputation, it's pretty great... I only realize this when I hear similar stories to this. At best, I would make a joke like "what, did the Cookie Monster eat here?" Then laugh and find a way to relate or say something nice - "You should see me eat Christmas cookies, it looks like someone tossed a grenade in a box of graham crackers"

Her attention was drawn to it, she doesn't feel alone, she may well remember next time to actually eat her food instead of feed the couch.

My true temperament would be to ask when she became the cookie monster and hand her a dirt devil.

 

[pugcrush]

Usually they forget to eat, but I haven't encountered forgetting how to eat. Do you think she might have Alzheimer's? Have you been to her place lately? Food on the floor?

 

[Humblefish]

My wife is worried because this lady kinda has a tough life sometimes and she seems to get her feelings hurt easily.

My wife wants me to drop some food on the floor, so she can yell at ME and hopes our neighbor gets the hint that way. :p

 

[Humblefish]

Usually they forget to eat, but I haven't encountered forgetting how to eat. Do you think she might have Alzheimer's? Have you been to her place lately? Food on the floor?

Her apartment is immaculate. Very clean & organized. She doesn't like you to step on certain area rugs with your shoes on. :eek: That is what makes this so puzzling.

 

[jsker]

Don't invite her over any more.

 

[TwelveL16]

That is a good idea, I definitely wouldn't try to hurt her feelings it's not something worth losing a friend over.

Worse comes to worse the next time you eat outside say well "I'm so messy when I eat i have been getting crumbs all over and we noticed some ants in the house the other day so we are trying to eat outside more often" just shift the blame on you and maybe it will result in her to being more careful.

 

[Humblefish]

Don't invite her over any more.

She just kinda shows up at our front door. :p

 

[bubbaque]

You said she doesn't notice she is making a mess, so I don't think you dropping food and your wife telling you to clean it up will help. If it were me, I would clean up her mess in front of her without saying anything or making a big deal about it but she might catch on if you do it often enough.

 

[jsker]

My wife is worried because this lady kinda has a tough life sometimes and she seems to get her feelings hurt easily.

My wife wants me to drop some food on the floor, so she can yell at ME and hopes our neighbor gets the hint that way. :p

There are victims in life, there are rescuers in life, and there are persecutor in life. You have to ask were you are in this situation and then walk away. I can go into the whole physiology of the issue, but it is best for both of you to walk away.:)

 

[Humblefish]

You said she doesn't notice she is making a mess, so I don't think you dropping food and your wife telling you to clean it up will help. If it were me, I would clean up her mess in front of her without saying anything or making a big deal about it but she might catch on if you do it often enough.

This is probably what I'm gonna do.

There are victims in life, there are rescuers in life, and there are pursacurers in life. You have to ask were you are in this situation and then walk away. I can go into the hole physiology of the issue, but it is best for both of you to walk away.:)

We are her only friends, so wife isn't gonna let that happen. She hasn't lived here that long.

 

[bubbaque]

Do you enjoy having her over?

 

[Lionfish Lair]

I like the ant thing. We actually eat in front of the TV, except during ant season.

 

[Humblefish]

Do you enjoy having her over?

Honestly, I get aggravated because she just repeats herself over & over. She gets locked onto something (happening at work) and won't let it go. So, I sorta walk over to the computer while my wife just listens to it. Many of R2R's fish disease questions get answered while this lady is over. ;)

 

[Lionfish Lair]

Oh no Humble.

 

[jsker]

Last thought, who is the child? Who is the parent, who is the adult. Your neighbor is behaving like a child and thus so need to be treated so. Ask yourself what you would do with a bad child that wants to be rescued? good reading https://www.amazon.com/Games-People-Play-Transactional-Analysis/dp/0345410033. ;)

 

[TwelveL16]

Lol as I read on I'm starting to think you are looking for a good reason to not have this lady over anymore. It would annoy me beyond belief if someone just showed up at my door uninvited.

 

[Humblefish]

I begged my wife not to answer the door today because dinner (pizza) was almost out of the oven. We invited her to eat with us, but she had already had supper. An hour later, we finally got to eat. :mad: So yeah, I guess I'm getting fed up and since I know she would never come on here this is where I'm venting.