Awkward social situation

[Humblefish]

My wife knows this lady is an "emotional vampire" but she has so many things going wrong in her life right now. So, I guess we feel sorry for her. :( Not a reason to be friends with someone I know, but whatcha gonna do?

 

[Shep]

Just say you are getting ants and so you are noi longer eating anywhere but outside or at the table

 

[jsker]

My wife knows this lady is an "emotional vampire" but she has so many things going wrong in her life right now. So, I guess we feel sorry for her. :( Not a reason to be friends with someone I know, but whatcha gonna do?

You and your wife are very kind folks:)

 

[Humblefish]

You and your wife are very kind folks:)

Thank you. We realize not everyone is as fortunate as us, and I am very aware at all times that: "The one who thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall." ;)

 

[Agamerce]

You and your wife are very kind folks:)

If the link works, here is jsker's book recommendation online for free

https://archive.org/stream/TheGamesPeoplePlay/TheGamesPeoplePlay_djvu.txt

 

[rock_lobster]

Honestly, I get aggravated because she just repeats herself over & over. She gets locked onto something (happening at work) and won't let it go. So, I sorta walk over to the computer while my wife just listens to it. Many of R2R's fish disease questions get answered while this lady is over. ;)

If thats the case, it would be a disservice to R2R if you dont continue to have her over for lunch! crumbs or not. But my vote is to have your wife clean it up right in front of her and like block her view of the television so that she has to pay attention.

 

[BNUTTHEHUT]

Are you using TV trays? My 2 year old does the same thing without a tray.

 

[Salty1962]

You could let her know that you or your wife's schedules have changed and you like to spend time together at the table! Our world keeps us away from our family enough as it is without someone else taking more away. Let her know that in a casual way so maybe she'll get the message. Maybe start having your visits cut shorter by life's necessities until she realizes that you have a life with your wife. Just a couple of thoughts, tough situation to be in. At least you're trying to keep her feelings in mind!

 

[FarmerTy]

Alright, you got me! I've been paying your neighbor to keep coming by and annoying you so you would hide in front of your computer and answer all my fish disease questions! I'm a terrible human being! I only did it for the greater good... you have to believe me!

 

[FDAWG]

Get a dog.

 

[L.A.]

Tell your wife not to clean for a few days and tell her to ask for cleaning tips from your neighbor and how she keeps her apartment so immaculate right before you start eating so it's the topic of discussion to make everyone more aware of what's falling on the couch and the surrounding area. Just act like you've been so busy lately and haven't had the time. THEN when you're done eating, either you or your wife clean up everyones messes, including hers. If she still doesn't get it after a week or so i'd say she's taking advantage of the fact she doesn't have to clean while she's at your house. People tend to be more aware then we give them credit for especially when they're over-emotional over little things.

 

[Flashy Fins]

Usually they forget to eat, but I haven't encountered forgetting how to eat. Do you think she might have Alzheimer's? Have you been to her place lately? Food on the floor?

:p This "older lady" is estimated to be in her 50s. If she is losing her mind that young, she could probably get her own reality TV show about it and leave Humblefish and his wife alone. ;)

 

[Lowell Lemon]

@Humblefish ,
Relationships are complicated and often we need to look outside of ourselves to see the needs of others. Your wife has the right inclinations here. I remember a homeless man that I worked with for over a year trying to get him stabilized and into a good living situation. He laughed at me one time as he watched me interact with someone else in need and said "you have lots of friends in low places". I take that as a complement nowdays. He passed away from cancer but he did find a home before he passed. I believe we are here to help others even if they are difficult at times. Jeff was a homeless Marine with at least a Purple Heart and possibly a couple of Bronze Stars. He was difficult at times when he was stoned or drunk but he was my friend. Sometimes I am the difficult person that needs a friend. Then I remember I have lots of friends "in low places" and it makes me smile.

Keep up the good work Humblefish and find something in your neighbor to smile about. Perhaps you will be blessed by a couple of friends "in low places".

 

[Tahoe61]

Just putting it out there that older is no longer in mid 50's.

Any who I have worked with an older population in a nursing setting, also as a waitress. You'll not change these behaviors, that is not going to happen.
You must set boundaries, such as you're only available one weekend a month or whatever you feel comfortable with, communicate a set schedule and stick to it.

I am so in awe of your kindness, but you can continue to be kind and set some limits, such as eating at the table and revising the visiting schedule. In the long run she either find other company because she is unable to modify her social skills or she'll realize the value of your friend ship and comply.

Do not get sucked into poor such and such. I live in an retirement area with age restrictions, at 50 well into the 70's she could be doing volunteer work and still be competent and competitive in the work place, she choices not to and that is her burden not yours.

 

[adestafi]

In the famous words of Elsa- let it go. Just not worth worrying about. I have I laws who do the same thing including tracking mud in on my brand new cherry hard wood floors, breaking nice wine glasses, chipping collector coffee mugs I obtained while deployed.... The list goes on. After awhile you realize the relationship is more important than the stuff and to just kiddie proof everything.... And it's too exhausting to stay upset.

 

[reefwiser]

I have this issue all the time with friends of my wife. She has friends in a support group that will call her when they are having problems. An she will listen to them for hours everyday as they talk about the same problems over and over and over again. She finally has to stop answering the phone when they call as they will not stop calling as it has become a way of life to them. It would be hard for you to stop her talking about the same things over and over as people will get suck on a topic.
As far as the dropping food the next time it happens just say "Oops let me help clean that up for you" continue doing that and she will finally get the point.:) Or get a dog. We have two dogs and no food ever stays on the floor or any where else long.:)

 

[4FordFamily]

You guys are so nice, I am so selfish with what little time I get to spend with my family. It's really maybe one hour each day with all of us together with work (we work full time and somewhat opposite schedules) exercise, all of the pets, etc.

I just say it that way to people though. If they're upset by it I don't lose much sleep my immediate family is my priority.

I'm glad not everyone is like me though!

 

[ReeferBob]

Ha! You describe my gf to the "T"! She is a TOTAL slob when she eats. her head never moves. As soon as she sits, she pushes her plate about 6" away from the edge of the table. She then takes a fork full and spills food the entire way from the plate, on the table, on her, to her mouth. Sometimes she even leans back in the chair and spills more food. I say something all the time but she just doesn't seem to get it. When I do say something, she puts her hand under the fork and catches about 75% of it. It is like she never learned how to eat. I told her the fork should never go over the plane of the edge of the plate. Move her head and the fork at the same time to meet in the middle so to speak. Her son eats exactly the same way! She actually yelled at him one night for doing it and I looked at her and said are you serious? You do THE SAME THING!

Like your friend, my gf is very clean, very anti-germ, very NOT like this! But I have all but given up. She spills food all over the kitchen too while she is making a meal. She uses every GD pot in the house too. It is very aggravating and she doesn't seem to get how much this bothers me. I have an ant problem too so she is just making it worse.

Oh lol I almost forget - Her son will not allow her to eat or drink anything in his car since she is such a slob.

 

[Humblefish]

Are you using TV trays? My 2 year old does the same thing without a tray.

Thank you all for the suggestions, but I think this ^^^ is what I'm going to try first. I bet she will get the message if I just set all our plates on TV trays. I would prefer to just eat at the table as well (good manners), but this lady doesn't have cable TV so this is her only chance to watch certain shows that my wife records.

Thank you all for the good vibes! :)

 

[jd371]

I was going to suggest a TV tray also, or you could just lay some newspaper down around where she sits, she'll get the idea.:D I did that to my friend who has a tendency of spilling things.