Awkward social situation

[ReeferBob]

I was going to suggest a TV tray also, or you could just lay some newspaper down around where she sits, she'll get the idea.:D I did that to my friend who has a tendency of spilling things.

lol - bib perhaps? Bucket bib like toddlers use?

 

[ecam]

Honestly, I get aggravated because she just repeats herself over & over. She gets locked onto something (happening at work) and won't let it go. So, I sorta walk over to the computer while my wife just listens to it. Many of R2R's fish disease questions get answered while this lady is over. ;)

Sorry humblefish... if that is the case... R2R cannot afford for you to unfriend this woman.... ;)

 

[NeptuneGarden]

I think I know what the problem might be
your neighbor is probably an Asspie, aka somewhere on the spectrum, aka High Functioning Autism - psychologist are arguing over what to call it.

So her social centers and self perception and empathy centers of the brain are cross wired a little.

She will not take your "hint" ....... that's one of the main symptoms, lack of empathy. She's not being dense, her brain literally just doesn't clue into this stuff.

She probably talks at you and not with you ?
Problem with eye contact sometimes or unnatural ?
weird mix of OCD and messiness ?
Lots of interest that come and go, but she gets into them 1000% when she is in to them ?

This is the kind of annoying stuff comes from her core socialization instincts being mis-wired, this is why she just comes over, stays too long, doesn't seem to have any other friends, and just plain doesn't seem to "get it" ..... because she doesn't it. A life time of rejection makes anyone overly sensitive and lord knows women don't need any help with that (ducking incoming frying pans).

Asspies respond better to direct communication than the subtle hints that everyone else clues into. Maybe try good nature teasing one time, than have the wife mention, "you know trays might be nice to use, lets give them a try...."

 

[Rpujol85]

It sounds pretty apparent she does have some sort of mental deficit. Whether it's some sort of early onset dementia or an Autism Spectrum Disorder, who knows.

As mentioned by several others, you are best off being very direct with her. If she had any ability to "take a hint" she wouldn't be so socially awkward/annoying to begin with.

Also, (not offense intended) but you really need to stand up to this lady and your wife. Internet forums and fish tanks will only get you by for so long. The sooner you take control of this situation the better.

 

[Tanked_Life]

The only logical answer to your predicament is to devise a couch that shocks her every time she spills food. It works with dogs and fences! :D

 

[Humblefish]

She probably talks at you and not with you ?
Problem with eye contact sometimes or unnatural ?
weird mix of OCD and messiness ?
Lots of interest that come and go, but she gets into them 1000% when she is in to them ?

You've got the talks at you part right, but she's also old school and has no problem making eye contact. :p No OCD (but she is a hoarder), and she has hobbies but procrastinates & lacks the time/money to do them to her satisfaction. I will say she is awesome when it comes to taking care of my tanks when the wife & I go out of town. I should have mentioned that before. So I guess I have a selfish reason for not wanting to tick her off and burn any bridges here. :D

The other thing you need to know about this lady is that her mom is dying (Alzheimer's), and she is desperate to find a job closer to home so she can help take care of her mother. But she's stuck here because this is where her job is, and my wife & I can both commiserate with that because we are in the exact same boat. Tied to a city because of our jobs, not because we like living here.

Everybody gripes, but at least I can say my wife & I keep it varied. ;) Once this lady gets upset about something (usually someone she works with), you are gonna hear about it for a week non-stop. o_O

 

[4FordFamily]

The only logical answer to your predicament is to devise a couch that shocks her every time she spills food. It works with dogs and fences! :D

A little pavlov? I guess that's different I forget my remedial psychology classes haha

 

[Reeflogic]

I highly recommend cooking bland, mushy food. You know, something a dog wouldn't eat... Then she will refuse to eat your food and just hang out :) She'll probably grab some McDonalds prior to coming over and say she isn't that hungry but appreciates the offer. Problem solved!! Your food is too good!! :D

 

[Flashy Fins]

I will say she is awesome when it comes to taking care of my tanks when the wife & I go out of town. I should have mentioned that before.

This changes everything. You can never lose this woman. Embrace those crumbs!

 

[jgvergo]

This is easy. Set up some cheap folding chairs in front of the aquarium and eat there instead. It's much more interesting than TV and it's easy to clean up.

 

[Humblefish]

I highly recommend cooking bland, mushy food. You know, something a dog wouldn't eat... Then she will refuse to eat your food and just hang out :) She'll probably grab some McDonalds prior to coming over and say she isn't that hungry but appreciates the offer. Problem solved!! Your food is too good!! :D

She claims I make the best BBQ she's ever eaten. Looks real nice on the couch throw too. :D Of course, she might just be saying that. But she does bring over boneless chicken breasts for me to BBQ for her to bring home, so I must be doing something right. :p

 

[donnievaz]

Is she hot? (Somebody had to ask..) :D

 

[Darryl]

if she takes care of your tank well then she's a keeper!
maybe she doesn't have TV
or you should set up a small nano tank at her place

 

[Lionfish Lair]

This changes everything. You can never lose this woman. Embrace those crumbs!

bahahahahahahaha!

 

[Humblefish]

Is she hot? (Somebody had to ask..) :D

Oh, no. :p My wife is the jealous type and she doesn't even care if this woman stops over while she's not home.

 

[fab]

How about an "Oops, you dropped something! Here let me pick it up for you." Do that a couple of times per meal. After the first time add "again," as in "Oops, you dropped something again."

Get your wife to say it once. Then reply with, "Hmm, maybe that is why we seem to be getting mice. We better watch for food on the floor, don't you think so Mrs. xxx?"

Every time she comes I've say the "Oops" bit a could of times.

If that doesn't work within 3 or 4 visits. Then tell her outright to please be careful about dropping food on the floor and remind her about the mice problem.

Meanwhile, thank your wife for covering for you while you get quality time with your fish who probably do have a CUC to take care of their detritus.

 

[Sistawolf]

Just try and "notice" her when she drops something and say nicely "oh you dropped something" and maybe she will notice the rest of the mess she's making and make a mental note to stop eating like a slob

 

[Sistawolf]

Actually.. If you answer r2r fish disease questions while she's over.. I suggest inviting her over for all three meals

 

[kingdog22]

It's just a coach!

 

[mibwb]

Humble, just put a sheet on the couch. I do and just shake the crumbs off or if dirty just change it. A lot of people are just messy...oh well, that's why there are vacuums. You can pick friends ( sometimes you don't pick right on that either or it just happens they end up a friend unintentionally ) Remember a friend is someone you only call once and they show up. Remember, she does care for your tank...does she do this because she wants to help you or do you pay she? Regardless, she doesn't have to do this for you. But you can't pick family or neighbors. You say the woman has nobody else but a Mother with Alzheimer. I know personally about Alzheimer...You know the person but they get to not know you or the past or present. It's a bad way to be and hard as hell to be around. No one really wants to be a personal custodian and caretaker at the same time. My Mother struggles with it everyday and cries about it on her good days. She gets upset and says "she's sorry for living so long to be a bother" How do you answer that??...but you do what you can. Sounds like you and your wife are the woman's only (friends in her eyes) or maybe her only social outlet. She comes over and visits and vents....you doesn't?? What is it post? Just you venting? Or are we all? Just remember you'll get to that "age"..."old is anyone born the last Millennium" as told to me by (I swear, a twelve year old) store clerk. If your lucky to get OLD...you never know when your time is up. As my Mother used to say " Life is like a garden...you plant flowers...you get some weeds...you pull some and some you miss pulling...But in the long run...you only remember the flowers. But sometimes a weed turns out to be a flower.....won't it have been a shame to have pulled it without a second thought?...and missed the chance to enjoy it?" Another thing she used to say "Being cynical...leaves you alone...being alone leads to loneliness" and "Being a friend....makes friends." "Life is too short, so smile...if you can't smile, fake one and it'll turn into a real one". You have so much good going on in your life...what if you didn't? How would you feel in her shoes? Just Saying... Put things in perspective. And thanks for putting up with her. I wish I was lucky enough to have neighbors who showed a little compassion like your wife (your better half)...Venting on my part....people don't come around..I think, they think they'll catch Alzheimer's if they do....I do think I'm catching it...now what was I saying?