Divorce rates in this hobby

[WVNed]

We got married in 1982. She told me right up front. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine.

I told her I was going to go find a younger woman and she told me as long as she sweeps, dusts and does the laundry.

She is very involved in my tanks. She always wants to know where the red fish is. She loves that thing. I have never had a red fish.

 

[VermontReefs]

I’m recently married going on two years now however when I met her I was on a 10 year sabbatical from the hobby due to my growing business.

She saw all my old equipment packed in the garage and I’ve told her stories of the reef club (MASC) I was involved in Colorado. She knew I’d eventually get the bug again.

Fast forward Oct 2020 we’ve purchased 70 acres in Vermont with renovated post & beam Farmhouse built in 1779.

Together we picked the spot for the tank. I let her choose the tank to some degree therefore we have no issues. I can’t say I’ve been totally transparent on the dollars spent on equipment but she doesn’t ask lol!

My wife knows my love of the ocean and supports my hobbies. Cars, Home Audio, Reefing! I guess I got lucky. It’s all about compromise plus she’ll love the tank a year from now if all goes well.

 

[fish farmer]

It’s not a trend here, it happens on every hobby board. Guns, RC, boat, Auto... etc.. people overspend on “hobbies”. Our society is well known to go to far into debit so we can keep up with the Jones’.

Also don’t believe everything you read. People tend to tell sob stories to get sympathy so they can sell items.

Who would you buy from:

1. My spouse left me and took the kids and now I can no longer afford my tank and gear. Desperately need money for lawyer fees to help get my kids back. please buy my gear and help me out.

2. This hobby takes more effort than I thought it would. Selling everything.

Ever see the people begging for money on the street corner and they are trying to get money to bury a child? Yea.. there are rotten people in this world and they feed off the good in others.

Yep you can overspend on a lot of hobbies. I think divorce is a factor of many things. I see a lot of people together that may have been good fits at the time, but grow apart. Balance was brought up, that is key with anything, do you have time for your hobby AND your spouse? Does you spouse have hobbies as well? Are they equally expensive?

I always see threads of "hide your money from your spouse" posts and I feel you guys are in bad relationships that you can't be open about spending money or you are overspending. I read these and think the "single guy" is still running the show in a marriage. I think about a friend of mine who seems to not be the settle down type, never see pictures of himself with a woman in recent years, but he is passionate about fishing, that is his focus which is great.

I knew when I started dating my wife that I wouldn't have the time to be the single guy with all the free time, you make sacrifices when you share you life with someone. When my wife and I were getting my place setup for her to move in, she had half her hours cut, so my expectation for an fulltime double income didn't materialize. You make things work out if you really care about the other person.

 

[Mark Gray]

Well second marriage, at 11 years now she says she doesn't like it. but I catch her sitting and looking often. But she also says it's fish jail.

 

[Rick.45cal]

You can easily 100% of the time avoid divorce, just don’t get married and get the dream tank anyway! ;Hilarious

 

[sp1187]

happy wife
happy reef tank :cool:

 

[Beau_B]

I’ve been described as “not the marrying type” but my current girlfriend is an enabler. Whenever I get cold feet about a purchase she says “it’s ok to spend the money, we’re not having kids.”

 

[king aiptasia]

Marriage is way more complicated then a reef tank! Just saying.

just make sure the nutrients are in check and it ought to be fine

 

[Mark Gray]

I’ve been described as “not the marrying type” but my current girlfriend is an enabler. Whenever I get cold feet about a purchase she says “it’s ok to spend the money, we’re not having kids.”

Good plan aquarium's are much cheaper than kids.;)

 

[Joe31415]

Who would you buy from:

1. My spouse left me and took the kids and now I can no longer afford my tank and gear. Desperately need money for lawyer fees to help get my kids back. please buy my gear and help me out.

2. This hobby takes more effort than I thought it would. Selling everything.

In all honesty, option 2 will probably get you equipment with considerably fewer miles on it.

 

[Specific Ocean]

My wife actually told me to start a reef up again.

but the secret to having a joint account is always pull out cash and pay with cash.

 

[kenchilada]

My wife hates all my hobbies and me. She cooks ok though so I stick around.

 

[zalick]

When discussing our next vacation, my wife said "well it will cost less than your lights!" :eek:

She's a veterinarian and hates seeing animals die and knowing the supply chain issues. So having fish die is a struggle for her. But she loves the tank and learning about all the animals and their needs.

We were talking about our next house last night and I said that it will need to have a 10' x 3'w x 2'h in wall tank with a fish room behind. She was on board. I think I'm safe.

 

[Billdogg]

IMHO, the secret is to get the wife/SO involved in the hobby. I had had a tank for over 10 years when we met so although she was, perhaps, a little indifferent, she was ok with it. After we got married I was able to finally get to the point where SPS was the next logical step. She didn't much care for the outlay for lights/new tank/etc, but then I took her to her first swap. After a quick walk though to see what was there it was time to buy, so I asked her which coral she wanted. Her reply? ALL OF THEM!!!!

Now, almost 20 years later, She spends at least as much time looking at the tanks as I do. She just happens to have a real talent for finding pests, especially aiptasia. She'll target them with the laser pointer while I attack with the boiling water.

She's a keeper for sure!!!

Oh - and just to keep her on my side, I just tripled the size of her craft room, now over 600sf.

 

[ca1ore]

Let’s see ....

Got divorced and my ex took the fish and left me with the kids.
Ex ran off with my best friend ..... I really miss him.

Correlation is not causation, why is that such a difficult concept for some folks to grasp.

I get along better with my ex now than when we married. In fact, when I’ve occasionally lost the faith for reefing she’s the one who talks me down off the ledge.

 

[Paul B]

I had my tank long before I met my wife so we came as a pair, me and my tank.

 

[Poseidon03]

It's called AIDS (Aquarium Induced Divorce Syndrome). Watch out cause it can be contracted quickly. Jk, it seems to be a correlation for sure. People wouldn't get divorced over just a tank.

 

[Rubberfrog]

Let’s see ....

Got divorced and my ex took the fish and left me with the kids.
Ex ran off with my best friend ..... I really miss him.

Correlation is not causation, why is that such a difficult concept for some folks to grasp.

I get along better with my ex now than when we married. In fact, when I’ve occasionally lost the faith for reefing she’s the one who talks me down off the ledge.

I wish he would have ran off with my ex.

 

[Dolphis]

Including your spouse, even if it’s with insignificant things can help in the long run, plus it’s more enjoyable if you both share in it. It can be a lot of fun picking out frags/livestock and decorating the tank.
Ask simple questions, whether they like this or that, what do they think of this new coral, new fish, etc. Just a way to feel included ;)

As from a financial aspect, sure, this hobby can get quite expensive and I’ve bought stuff that I could have waited for later on.
But I’m not going to jeopardize my family’s livelihood and have us lacking necessities or miss out on together (family vacations, events, gatherings) just because of a hobby.

For now I’m fortunate enough that schedule allows me to devote a good amount of time to my tanks, plus automation helps a lot. You have to learn to split your time wisely between the hobby and your spouse/family. I can spend some time with my spouse and put off mixing some more saltwater tomorrow.
Having a supportive and understanding spouse will make your life so much easier! :)

Also, take things in moderation, you don’t want to burn yourself out or get to a point where it all feels like a chore

 

[vetteguy53081]

Never heard of this rate in conjunction to reefing. If mates cant get along because of a tank. . . . there is more than the tank being a relationship issue. I was divorced while running my pet store and the issue of pets were never brought up. It was more of alcohol/cheating.
Running my pet store, I actually saw pets such as aquarium, kitten, reptiles and small animals bring families together.
The only thing I can see, like a gambling addiction, the amount being spent unaffordably being a problem.