Joke of the day

[Will Milberger]

He: If corals get stressed, they die. So if I was coral, I'd be dead
She:What do corals get stressed about?
He: Current events
She: Get out

 

[Dancingmad]

How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?

A Buc-An-Ear

 

[Ron Reefman]

Funny-cat-cartoon by Ron Lindensmith, on Flickr

 

[Will Milberger]

I used to search for shellfish on the beach until I pulled a mussel.

 

[aslmx]

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?


Dam!!!

 

[cracker]

oohhh ! I do love a good corny joke !

 

[Dpate]

Have you seen that new movie called “constipation”?






No? That’s cuz it hasn’t come out yet!

 

[Will Milberger]

Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads.

 

[GoVols]

Three guarantees in life:

1) Death
2) A woman will lie
3) If you find a turtle on a fence post, someone put him there

:)

 

[Will Milberger]

How do fish always know how much they weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

 

[Ron Reefman]

content by Ron Lindensmith, on Flickr

 

[Will Milberger]

If you can think of a better fish pun,

let minnow

 

[siggy]

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a British Navy ship and the Irish Coastguard, off the coast of Kerry:

Irish. Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south, to avoid collision

British. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north, to avoid collision

Irish. Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south ' to avoid collision.

British. This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Irish. Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course

British. THIS IS THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT SHIPS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES TO THE NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS FLOTILLA.

Irish. THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE ....... YOUR CALL!

 

[Crabs McJones]

Three guys walk into a bar, the fourth guy ducks!

 

[Jason mack]

What do you call a dog with no ears .....?

Anything you want he still can’t hear you !!;)

 

[Dpate]

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come when you call it!

What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it out for a drag!

What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal testicles?
SPARKY!

 

[Crabs McJones]

Guy walks into a hardware store and up to the clerk
Guy: I'd like to buy some 2x4s
Clerk: No problem, how long do you need them?
Guy: Oh quite some time, I'm building a shed.

 

[Mical]

German Coastguard -

 

[siggy]

What did the newbie say to the skipper?

Newbie: “Do yachts like this sink very often?”
Skipper: “No, usually it’s only once.”

The sea captain and the punk rocker

An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different colour … green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

“What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?”

The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!

 

[Dancingmad]

How do pirates keep their parrots on their shoulder?

Super Polly Grip.