Significant others and the reefing hobby

[michael giordano]

My wife is a Marine Biologist, she has a masters in Genetics and loves the ocean. We live in Florida, both of us grew up in Florida on boats and spend our time diving the ocean and traveling. But I have ruined the hobby for her with the last couple floodings and the light fixture failing into the tank when I am out of town. So now she won’t look at my tank. Lol, I love her but I also don’t blame her, I am a wet obsessed mess when when it comes to this hobby.

 

[fish farmer]

Here's a question my wife just came up with.

What does your non reefing significant other do with their spare time and do you support/have interest in their hobbies?

Are you just like "meh"?

 

[Dkeller_nc]

Suncrest - I'm also single so can do whatever I wish, but I certainly know others that have a W.A.F. (Wife Approval Factor) to consider when making new purchases or setting up new tanks. From the ladies posting on this thread, maybe it should more correctly be called the S.A.S. (Spouse Approval Factor).

It would be interesting to hear what she'd say if you asked "so if you asked me to setup whatever type of tank YOU wanted, what would it be?". You might find out that would be a 600 gallon fish-only predator tank! Win-Win!

 

[Mudder]

Suncrest - I'm also single so can do whatever I wish, but I certainly know others that have a W.A.F. (Wife Approval Factor) to consider when making new purchases or setting up new tanks. From the ladies posting on this thread, maybe it should more correctly be called the S.A.S. (Spouse Approval Factor).

It would be interesting to hear what she'd say if you asked "so if you asked me to setup whatever type of tank YOU wanted, what would it be?". You might find out that would be a 600 gallon fish-only predator tank! Win-Win!

Sometimes you got to be careful what you wish for

I made a similar deal with my wife when I got back into the hobby..I had 120 gallon in the back room,but wanted something bigger..and asked what it would take for me to upgrade..her first response was she wanted Dolphins....I laughed and walked away...about a month later she said if she could have sea horses I could get bigger tank..I got a 280 gallon out if it but her 120 gallon seahorse tank takes alot of my time and my coral budget..lol

 

[WVNed]

Here's a question my wife just came up with.

What does your non reefing significant other do with their spare time and do you support/have interest in their hobbies?

Are you just like "meh"?

Wife "I want a puppy"
Me "There you go"

Perhaps we are simply co-dependent.

 

[Lukas75]

My wife supports me on it. She has the coral bug and helps me pick them out. She is genuinely interested in what goes on inside the tank, the fish and the corals. She just wishes I spent as much time cleaning the rest of the house as much as I do my tank. ;Hilarious

 

[Cajunfishlady]

I’m so thankful that my husband loves it as much as I do even though he pretends they’re all *my* tanks. Yesterday I planned to pick up pods after work, and I got a text from him right as I was about to leave: “I picked up pods”. Made me laugh. And I still went there myself because no way was he going to the fish store without me!

 

[Crabs McJones]

My wife will feed the fish when I absolutely need her to. (if i'm out of town or something similar) but other than that, she could care less about the tanks existence.

 

[fish farmer]

Wife "I want a puppy"
Me "There you go"

Perhaps we are simply co-dependent.

I told my wife when she moved in we would limit each other to two furry animals at a time. I have two cats and she had a cat and a dog. The cat and dog have passed and we got another dog last year(finally heartworm free this week!).

He's a little weiner dog. I even brought it up about getting another wiener dog. They are small and take up the space of two regular sized dogs. I talked my way out of it....maybe when we are down to one cat....that should keep me safe for 5 to 10 years.

 

[Leslie Tabor]

Here's a question my wife just came up with.

What does your non reefing significant other do with their spare time and do you support/have interest in their hobbies?

Are you just like "meh"?

My hubby plays some knights and dungeons game on his PC...I believe he called it an "MMO-RPG"......

 

[JacquieBeginnerReef]

Perfect post man. I’m totally in that boat and I hate it!!!!!!

I wish my wife was in to the hobby. When we met I had a reef tank so she married in to it and she knows that. So she “tolerates” my hobby. She says I like that you like it......

One time we got transferred (my job got transferred) out of state and she said, “get me back home and you can build the tank of your dreams”........

Well we are home and she’s eating her words. Yes that’s our 7 year old daughter in the tank doing the cleaning!

But seriously, I’d give anything for her to enjoy this hobby as much as I do.

Wow- that’s an amazing tank!

 

[Kal93]

My boyfriend actually got me into the hobby, but we do have different taste in coral.

 

[sfin52]

My boyfriend actually got me into the hobby, but we do have different taste in coral.

Robin?

My wife likes the tank and picked out the fish for the fowl tank. She'll feed the tank. She has even fixes circulation pumps . Thats new. She's come a long way.

 

[ca1ore]

I had been keeping Reef tanks for a decade before I got married, so it was a ‘pre existing condition’ (along with hiend audio) and entirely tolerated. Both she and the kids enjoy being spectators but have no interest in the mechanics. Which is fine with me - too many cooks spoils the broth. I always argued that mostly reasonable $$$ spent on the hobby was better than some of the alternatives.

One thing I have discouraged over the years is birthday or Christmas fish. Always seemed to die.

 

[Brian1f1]

Sometimes my wife will show a bit of interest if I ask her to come see it repeatedly. She says nice things about it, and I hear her tell her friends that I take care of it on my own (as in, without a service company). I got back into the hobby after a decade out with her strong encouragement after a particularly gnarly cancer scare where a medical mistake made it look like there was a much better than even chance I’d die before reaching 40. She didn’t care that I drilled the floor, dedicated a room to a giant sump, flooded the house (okay, she cared about that, but briefly), and so forth. She also doesn’t seem to care what I spend, which is good and bad, but mostly good. So, I’m ok with her not loving it, all things considered. I also refused to buy her a six line, ha. One other benefit is I don’t get surprise gifts, because the truth is I don’t want random fish or coral, at all.

 

[SereneAquatic]

My hubby plays some knights and dungeons game on his PC...I believe he called it an "MMO-RPG"......

Lol, you are safe for life then, and probably able to buy whatever you want. Gamer won't notice... May not even be aware if there was a 300 gallon tank in the house...

I speak from past experience, being a recovering MMO gamer addict myself. 8 years free now [emoji23]

I am glad that my husband enjoys the tanks. He doesn't keep up with all the knowledge of what, why, how for everything, but he is willing to clean skimmer cups, help move water around, polish scratched glass tanks, build screen covers, helps with our YouTube videos... He contributes a lot.

When we decided to buy a bigger tank so we could keep our growing tang happy, his initial stipulation was that we would have to sell the 90g Red Sea Reefer tank and recoup some money.

After we got the new (used) 250g tank home and started planning its layout, he said "Maybe we should keep the 90g. You could keep the corals in there and then we can buy whatever fish we want for the 250 without worrying about the corals being eaten." (we love angel fish). It may be a ploy though if he is thinking long term... He wants an aggro tank in the worst way lol

I am glad we can share the hobby.

 

[AZG]

The only time she stands in front of the tank is when she’s calming the baby down. I started a new build down stairs. Told her I was going to tear down the one upstairs. Her response was “Why?”. Reeling her in little by little babyyyy! I know she interested but I think it’s just the money factor that bothers her, and the salt drops on the floor. It’s funny whenever we fight she says, “All you do is stupid fish stuff!”. My response, “ coral stuff, babe!”. Man I love her!

 

[AZG]

2 kids under 5 a 12 week old puppy and I’m still able to spend at least an hour a day on the tanks. I’m a lucky guy.

 

[flchamp89]

I let her pick the fish from a list of appropriate ones. I handle the coral selection. 50/50 lol although her problem with everything is that she has no concept of what things cost. When I built my jeep that was rough lol.

 

[scriptmonkey]

So I think it may be unrealistic to think just because you are interested in something, they have to be. Talk to me 10 years ago and prior to a divorce I would most likely felt the same.

It is OK you both have separate hobbies or interests. The best thing you can do is try to include them, let them pick a fish they like or coral. My new wife wanted nothing to do with it. Then we went to a fish store she found some scooter blennys she thought looked like puppies and were cute, so I bought 3. Now when I am away she will feed the tank because she feels she has a vested interest. She asked for a hammer coral, green tips, purple stem, so we are on the hunt for a frag for her because she wants to see it sway in the current.

If you try to include them and they still are not interested then you tried and just do your thing. As long as you are responsible and not spending all of your money on the reef then you should be fine. If your significant other has a problem with you doing something you like then you most likely have bigger issues and you might want to see a professional about it because it is just manifesting towards the hobby.

My hubby plays some knights and dungeons game on his PC...I believe he called it an "MMO-RPG"......

Sorry to hear that you are world of warcraft widow