Significant others and the reefing hobby

[SuncrestReef]

Five years ago I promised my wife an aquarium as a Christmas gift because she has a Ph.D in fish behavior and currently works as a biologist (not related to fish). After a lot of research I learned that there's a lot to maintaining a proper reef aquarium, so I put it off for several years. But last year when I retired I finally had the time to devote to doing it right, so I ordered the aquarium and started on my reefing adventure. Now it's my obsession and she hardly pays attention to it.

Today after adding some new corals, I asked her if she could guess which ones were new. She looked over the tank, and pointed to the duncan (which has been in the tank for over 10 months), then pointed to the purple stylophora (which we've had for at least 6 months). I finally pointed out the new ones and she shrugged. I then asked "OK, which corals are your LEAST favorite". She pointed to the scoly in the front and said "It just looks fake. Those colors don't really look natural." This is what she was pointing to:



I'm just curious how many of you are in the situation where your significant other just isn't interested in your tank, or even seems to dislike the corals that you really like?

I just find it ironically funny that I'm so into something that I set up with her in mind, yet she doesn't care about it in the least. o_O

 

[wesman42]

Five years ago I promised my wife an aquarium as a Christmas gift because she has a Ph.D in fish behavior and currently works as a biologist (not related to fish). After a lot of research I learned that there's a lot to maintaining a proper reef aquarium, so I put it off for several years. But last year when I retired I finally had the time to devote to doing it right, so I ordered the aquarium and started on my reefing adventure. Now it's my obsession and she hardly pays attention to it.

Today after adding some new corals, I asked her if she could guess which ones were new. She looked over the tank, and pointed to the duncan (which has been in the tank for over 10 months), then pointed to the purple stylophora (which we've had for at least 6 months). I finally pointed out the new ones and she shrugged. I then asked "OK, which corals are your LEAST favorite". She pointed to the scoly in the front and said "It just looks fake. Those colors don't really look natural." This is what she was pointing to:



I'm just curious how many of you are in the situation where your significant other just isn't interested in your tank, or even seems to dislike the corals that you really like?

I just find it ironically funny that I'm so into something that I set up with her in mind, yet she doesn't care about it in the least. o_O

Mine made it clear from the very BEGINNING that she didn't want anything to do with the fish tanks...only wanted to observe.

It's not something that you should fault them for, they just simply aren't interested as much.

She will still help if I need an extra pair of hands briefly or will usually be the voice of reason for purchasing etc.

 

[KrisReef]

My wife only looks at how much I spend, so I hide my money in a separate account to avoid problems. Man I feel your pain.
I know how to help; I have a tank full of real looking corals, brown-outs and what not. I will send you a couple three or four of those in a box with a UPS call tag and you can send me that fake coral that your wife doesn't like. Deal?

Sorry for your situation, I have been there. My wife actually likes our thank now that I let her pick out a fish or two. She feeds them when I'm away and the coral grow faster too because of it. Gl

 

[Snookin]

My wife’s interest in watching reality TV shows is equivalent to my interest in watching my reef. The funny thing is both the subjects we watch have the same IQ.

 

[SuncrestReef]

My wife’s interest in watching reality TV shows is equivalent to my interest in watching my reef. The funny thing is both the subjects we watch have the same IQ.

I would dare to suggest my cleaner shrimp probably has a higher IQ than some reality TV stars...:)

 

[cracker]

I'm single & always have been so I do as I please, so I really can't give advice. As long your Lady is cool with the tank then enjoy it for yourself !

 

[SuncrestReef]

I'm single & always have been so I do as I please, so I really can't give advice. As long your Lady is cool with the tank then enjoy it for yourself !

Oh, believe me, her lack of interest is not going to stop me or discourage me from adding to my beautiful reef! I just really laugh at the fact that I set it up originally for her, but I became obsessed with it and she couldn't care less!

And unlike a previous commenter mentioned, she doesn't care how much I spend on the aquarium so I'm free to do as I please.

It's just a shame that she doesn't appreciate the beauty of these amazing corals.

 

[Johnny M]

Mine made it clear from the very BEGINNING that she didn't want anything to do with the fish tanks...only wanted to observe.

It's not something that you should fault them for, they just simply aren't interested as much.

She will still help if I need an extra pair of hands briefly or will usually be the voice of reason for purchasing etc.

+1 - my wife too!

 

[MimicOcto8]

Perfect post man. I’m totally in that boat and I hate it!!!!!!

I wish my wife was in to the hobby. When we met I had a reef tank so she married in to it and she knows that. So she “tolerates” my hobby. She says I like that you like it......

One time we got transferred (my job got transferred) out of state and she said, “get me back home and you can build the tank of your dreams”........

Well we are home and she’s eating her words. Yes that’s our 7 year old daughter in the tank doing the cleaning!

But seriously, I’d give anything for her to enjoy this hobby as much as I do.

 

[cracker]

Your a good man SunCrest ! Great to hear the expense of this hobby is cool with your significant other !

Mimic, Looks like You did well ! LOL

 

[Auto-pilot]

Im not married BUT I do have a Girlfriend and we have been together for some time. I own a house that I've turned into a community house with 7 of us living in it. Due to money I couldn't afford it by myself but I'm tearing my basement apart and when I'm done and we get married we are probably going to move into it and have a 700 Sq foot space to live in. I have my plans for whats going where and when I showed her where my new larger tank is going to go she said shes convinced I'm only building the basement so I have room for a bigger fish tank! Although it not why I'm doing it I will be 100% honest and let everyone know it is a motivation for me lol. She "tolerates" it but would have to say she enjoys it more and more every week and sometimes she just sits and watches it with me. She will never love it like me BUT she will ask me questions when she knows I want to talk about it and it makes me happy.

 

[ReefQueen]

My husband also married into it, so he knew it was a package deal. He acted much more into it when we first started dating and would even try to impress me by learning names of fish and corals (it worked lol). Now the part of the house the tank is in could not exist as far as he is concerned. BUT he did offer to be a volunteer at my clubs frag swap next month, I was shocked! I’m really hoping that when he sees how many awesome people there are in this hobby (and maybe all those fancy high end corals) that he might get just a little more interested. I think I’ll let him pick some stuff out while we are there;).

 

[Tamberav]

My hubby isn't into it but said when we buy a house I can have whatever tanks I want so he is a keeper ;)

 

[Wen]

My husband and I will be empty nesters soon. He loves golf and is hoping that once unincumbered I will be joining him on the course.
However, all I can think about is the amount of time spent golfing would be far better spent working on my Reef tank.

 

[BestMomEver]

My hubby is the best. He loves our reefs... we have three. But he’s not interested like he was when we had the 500. I think we were both younger and stronger (and less wise?) and it wasn’t so hard. He works on his little 15 gallon and I tend to the others. For years he’s said I cannot get a bigger tank because he wants to retire and doesn’t want to spend the money. Then I told him we could pay off the house, build a cabinet ourselves and buy a larger system. He said he might be interested if we paid off the house! OMG! For real? Now I’m encouraging him to quit his job... ;)

 

[Paul B]

The other day my wife walked past the fish tank and pointed to a fish and said. "That's new, when did you get him?"
I said I got him 28 years ago.

Some day I will show her the rest of the fish. :rolleyes:

 

[Leslie Tabor]

It is so good to see responses from other ladies! I finally found a "LFS" that doesn't ask me if I am looking for something for my hubby's tank!!! As if my hubby would EVER have a tank lol I did get him to feed the fish once...all kidding aside, my hubs looks at the tank now and again BUT he did let me put the new beast in his man-cave so he is still a keeper!

 

[fish farmer]

My wife isn't into the hobby. I bought her a small fresh AIO tank for her apartment years ago. That is now in our house with a couple of fish which I take care of. She's the dog person....her duty it to pick up dooty in the yard. We do walk him together occasionally.

I did mention a mudskipper tank to her the other day and she wanted me to send her some info about them, but that still would be on my shoulders.

Her hobby is music, I enjoy supporting that but I don't go to every single show anymore. I even had her hire someone to her artwork. I could do some of it, but I have other things that I need to spend my time doing.

 

[WVNed]

I keep fish. She watches and helps when I need her to.

It has worked for 37 years.

 

[desagon]

I have to agree with mimic on this one. I would give anything for my wife to be interested in this hobby. As great and as fun as it can be, it can also be quite lonely when you're the only person in the house that appreciates it.