The Miracle Tank

[vetteguy53081]

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

 

[vetteguy53081]

On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be. Unable to decide, Nathan entered a department store and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, “How about some perfume?” She showed him a bottle costing $75. “Too expensive,” muttered Nathan. The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for $50. “Oh, dear,” Nathan groused. “Still far too much.” Growing rather annoyed at Nathan’s meanness, the salesgirl brought out a tiny $10 bottle and offered it to him. Nathan became really agitated. “What I mean,” he whined, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.” So the sales girl handed him a mirror.

 

[sfin52]

Hopefully, no one in here was affected by the severe weather last night. Let us know if you guys and gals are ok if you were in the path of that powerful tornado.

I'm good just wind and rain.

 

[vetteguy53081]

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn’t usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, “What do you want for Christmas?” “Something for my mother, please,” replied the woman sweetly. “Something for your mother? Well, that’s very loving and thoughtful of you,” smiled Santa. “What would you like me to bring her?” Without turning a hair she answered quickly, “A son-in-law.”

 

[hbash]

Miracles Aquarium

I purchased a 220 with Bean Animal Overflow and 4’ Weir from them 5 years back. Great product, great folks. Enjoy.

 

[Fin]

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

[vetteguy53081]

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was. In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?” The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.” He replied, “Well, I’m in the bar next door.”

 

[vetteguy53081]

How do you wash your hands on Christmas?
With hand Santatizer!

What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!

 

[fishguy242]

Happy holidays Katrino's... :)

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[GoVols]

Katrina,
Hope you’re having a nice Christmas

:)

 

[Jeffcb]

Merry Christmas!

 

[Lowell Lemon]

Merry Christmas y'all!

 

[Fin]

Merry Christmas to all! We miss you @Katrina71!

 

[vetteguy53081]

Xmas wishes to all and hope everyone was healthy and enjoyed this special Day.
Girlfriend's parents said they heard I was a really good cook ( thanks for putting me on the spot I thought). It turned out better than I hoped and they were impressed !

This was the Turkey:

 

[vetteguy53081]

What is a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other!

 

[Fin]

 

[F i s h y]

As a banker I really love this... 11 years in the industry and everyday clients still say something that makes me scratch my head and say.... HUH?

 

[Fin]

As a banker I really love this... 11 years in the industry and everyday clients still say something that makes me scratch my head and say.... HUH?

I was in the insurance auto claims business for 45 years. I have heard my share of things you just can't make up too. :)

 

[Dodge Ram]

Merry Christmas and happy new year to everyone here.