The Miracle Tank

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Today's drivers. . . . smh

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Last night I ordered a glass of wine with my dinner. I was a little surprised when the waiter asked to see my I.D. “Do I look that young?” I asked. “No,” he responded. “I was checking to see if you qualified for the senior discount.”
 
This is real
Woman orders a hot wing meal from KFC - Guess its real Chicken

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How to write “I changed a lightbulb” on your resume:

“Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and no safety incidents.”
 
What happens if you eat aluminum foil?
You sheet metal!
 
What do you get if you put a duck in a cement mixer?
Quacks in the pavement.
 
Why couldn’t the sailor learn his alphabet?
He kept getting lost at C.
 

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