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Paul B
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Tonight we are having dinner guests. Two of out very close friends, my wife went to high school together and I used to drive the both of them home from school.
Anyway 2 hours ago he called screaming that he has a flood, water all over his house and he can't use any water because it all comes out under his toilet bowl in his basement. Now I don't want them to cancel dinner because my wife and I were cooking all day and he is a Vegan which I don't understand because he is about 300lbs. He must eat a lot of grapes or he grazes in his yard all night. I told him it is cheap to cook for him because I did all my shopping in a sod farm.
I race over to his house and jump into the flood in his basement where he has enough food stored for WW3. I never saw so much canned food in my life.
So I assess the situation and see for one thing that his toilet bowl has no bolts holding it down. OK, water still should not come out from there unless you flush "that" bowl. So I know the Main trap is clogged and any water used in the house will come out the lowest place. (I was a plumber in another life) I need to open the trap.
The trap is under a DIY cabinet that some Jiboni built before he bought the house 20 years ago. Then another "architect" built a wall in front of this 8' long cabinet so it can't be removed without sawing it in 3 parts. Of course it if filled with every type of canned food there is. Beans, pickles, olives, onions, tuna fish. I could eat for two years just with what was on the top shelf.
So we make a line and hand out all the food so we can move the cabinet to the opposite wall about 10" away. Luckily I am only 11" wide so after we moved the cabinet, I snaked myself back there. It was hard because the water main is also back there and I had to crawl under it.
Now I am back there wedged in thinking how am I going to get out as I am not exactly 20 years old any more. As I am thinking, something lands on my head. Then I feel something else land on my arm, then something jumps in my eye. It is pitch dark because they are still looking for a drop light. Things are jumping all over me, on my head, my eyes etc. Then I feel something crawling up my leg, AAAAAAAAAAAAGggggggggghhhh
They are all over me. My friend comes with the light and yells, ARE THERE ANY CRICKETS BACK THERE?.. Oh yeah, you got crickets. I am surprised you have any food left because you have a cricket Zoo back here.
Then I see sticky cricket traps loaded with crickets. There were so many crickets on those traps that they were giving each other mouth to mouth resuscitation. I am swatting them off of me as they were annoying especially females who I think were coming on to me if you know what I mean.
So I look for the 3" plugs that cover the trap but of course they are covered in dirt and crickets that died of old age or rickets, (get it, rickets) This is a true story by the way.
I dig out the dirt and pry out the cap, water comes flooding out. This is not RO/DI water either.
I ask for a shop vac. Of course he doesn't have one. Now who doesn't own a shop vac! So he runs to his neighbors to get one while I am getting swarmed by these little devils and I can barely take a breath because I am on my knees wedged in between the dead cricket covered cement wall and this old cabinet with the water main sticking me in the ear.
He finally runs in with the shop vac. He puts it on the top of the cabinet and turns it on. I suck out all the "stuff" in the trap after we empty this 15 gallon shop vac three times and now the pipe is clear.
I crawl back out with a little help and they are on their way here.
I doused myself with Clorox and took two showers.
Anyway 2 hours ago he called screaming that he has a flood, water all over his house and he can't use any water because it all comes out under his toilet bowl in his basement. Now I don't want them to cancel dinner because my wife and I were cooking all day and he is a Vegan which I don't understand because he is about 300lbs. He must eat a lot of grapes or he grazes in his yard all night. I told him it is cheap to cook for him because I did all my shopping in a sod farm.
I race over to his house and jump into the flood in his basement where he has enough food stored for WW3. I never saw so much canned food in my life.
So I assess the situation and see for one thing that his toilet bowl has no bolts holding it down. OK, water still should not come out from there unless you flush "that" bowl. So I know the Main trap is clogged and any water used in the house will come out the lowest place. (I was a plumber in another life) I need to open the trap.
The trap is under a DIY cabinet that some Jiboni built before he bought the house 20 years ago. Then another "architect" built a wall in front of this 8' long cabinet so it can't be removed without sawing it in 3 parts. Of course it if filled with every type of canned food there is. Beans, pickles, olives, onions, tuna fish. I could eat for two years just with what was on the top shelf.
So we make a line and hand out all the food so we can move the cabinet to the opposite wall about 10" away. Luckily I am only 11" wide so after we moved the cabinet, I snaked myself back there. It was hard because the water main is also back there and I had to crawl under it.
Now I am back there wedged in thinking how am I going to get out as I am not exactly 20 years old any more. As I am thinking, something lands on my head. Then I feel something else land on my arm, then something jumps in my eye. It is pitch dark because they are still looking for a drop light. Things are jumping all over me, on my head, my eyes etc. Then I feel something crawling up my leg, AAAAAAAAAAAAGggggggggghhhh
They are all over me. My friend comes with the light and yells, ARE THERE ANY CRICKETS BACK THERE?.. Oh yeah, you got crickets. I am surprised you have any food left because you have a cricket Zoo back here.
Then I see sticky cricket traps loaded with crickets. There were so many crickets on those traps that they were giving each other mouth to mouth resuscitation. I am swatting them off of me as they were annoying especially females who I think were coming on to me if you know what I mean.
So I look for the 3" plugs that cover the trap but of course they are covered in dirt and crickets that died of old age or rickets, (get it, rickets) This is a true story by the way.
I dig out the dirt and pry out the cap, water comes flooding out. This is not RO/DI water either.
I ask for a shop vac. Of course he doesn't have one. Now who doesn't own a shop vac! So he runs to his neighbors to get one while I am getting swarmed by these little devils and I can barely take a breath because I am on my knees wedged in between the dead cricket covered cement wall and this old cabinet with the water main sticking me in the ear.
He finally runs in with the shop vac. He puts it on the top of the cabinet and turns it on. I suck out all the "stuff" in the trap after we empty this 15 gallon shop vac three times and now the pipe is clear.
I crawl back out with a little help and they are on their way here.
I doused myself with Clorox and took two showers.
