So this morning, like all mornings I went for a walk. Normally I walk for about an hour and I go early, way before the sun comes up because I am walking for exercise and I think exercise is a waste of time so I want to get it over with before the world gets up so I don't waste any time. I am very impatient so my wife, and many people call me the Energizer Bunny although I rather think of myself more like Brad Pitt. :oops:
Some people call me McGuiver while others just don't call me. :(
Anyway, a few weeks ago I had some back work done where the pain Mgt Dr. did an ablation on the nerves in my back.
They go in there with some kind of torch or toaster and burn whatever they can find. After that she gave me 16 shots of cortisone and maybe hydrogen peroxide but it could have been Coppersafe.
Those procedures made me feel about 74% better and I no longer scream or walk like a blue legged hermit crab. But the Dr. told me the procedure doesn't actually fix the pain. My disks and ligaments are still torn to shreds, I just don't feel it as much because the pain signals don't make it to my brain. They probably get stuck somewhere in between. Maybe my elbow or someplace that you don't need as much as your back.
But this morning during my walk, right under this light, the pain signals found a new route to my brain. My brain doesn't have much free space because it is filled with fish stuff, steam punk stuff, Pumpkin pie and supermodels.
All of a sudden, I hit the ground. I looked around to see if maybe my wife stuck a cro bar in between the ribs as it doubled me over and made me go down on one knee. (good thing it was my right knee because my left knee is titanium and it may have made a spark) Anyone driving past would have thought I was making a novena or praying for hair. But I wasn't.
It was just pain. I was thinking of who I could call if I couldn't get up and screaming wouldn't help because at 6:30 everyone is sleeping and if I woke them up, they would be screaming at me which would have made the pain worse. I didn't want to call my wife because she has MS and I normally help her. I imagine she could have brought me some chicken soup and I never saw a chicken with a back ache so maybe it would have worked.
I stood there, or rather knelt there for about 5 minutes and tried to get up. Nope, I couldn't move. I didn't want to stay there too long because it was very cold and icicles started to form on my nose. I slooooly made it up to a standing position and gradually put one foot in front of the other. I was only about 100 yards from my house so I stuffed my Very Manly looking red scarf into my mouth to muffle my screams.
It started to get light out and I gradually, but painfully made it to my house. I stood in the doorway for a time while I figured out how I was going to take off my boots, jacket, gloves etc. I couldn't stand there with all these winter clothes on because now I was sweating profusely partly because it is hot in my house and partly because of the pain.
I made it in and tried to lay on the bed. I couldn't figure out how to get on the bed so I called my wife who immediately knew something was wrong and started to make chicken soup. I said, no, just try to bend me slowly so I can lay down.
I was in the bed in a sort of pretzel fetal position and didn't dare to move. I asked her to bring me a tens pack. If you never had that it is a small device with wires and pads sticking out of it. You stick the pads on you near the pain and it shocks you. I don't know how it works and I doubt anyone else does but I imagine the shocks this thing gives you fools your brain into thinking that these shocks are worse than your other pain but I am not sure. I am an electrician so probably don't feel the shocks like everyone else does.
I had her stick these sticky pads on my back and I turned it on and tried to move. No, not yet so I turned it up and tried again. Nope, not yet. So I turned it all the way up until smoke started to come out of my eyes like those old western movies where the Indians used to make smoke signals to tell other Indians things like their internet was out or Lidel is selling brussel sprouts for 39 cents a pound. :oops:
I took some pain medication that I had left over from my last surgery and was going to rub that slimy stuff on that makes you smell like a Christmas tree. I didn't have any of that so I asked my wife to get one of those Christmas tree air fresheners that I had hanging on the rear view mirror of my car and hung it around my neck. That did the trick. :D
