Help convincing hubby to up budget

[Dr. Dendrostein]

@justmee, @SawCJack00, @Jomama, @Potatohead, and @scriptmonkey

All your your responses either implied, or outright suggested I use sex to get what I want. I must say, as a woman, I’m disappointed. I thought that , as a society, we’d come a long way from the sexist ego fueled hahahah jk. Not a political forum but couldn’t resist the jab at feminism. All very funny comments . Thank you

I was gonna cry

 

[samnaz]

Instead of looking for leverage look for common ground, the ocean is so diverse that you can find any colour/pattern scheme that exist and one of the most amazing things about this hobby is how it can offshoot into so many others. Instead of twisting their arms and using their weaknesses play to their strengths!

My mom is all about one thing... Sparkles... Swarovski crystal dog collars, phone cases, glitter, precious gems ANYTHING SHINY. If she was the person I was trying to convince the glistening mantle of a maxima clam would be front and centre.

If your spouse is happiest when they are writing series of binary and algorithms let them do the code for your apex!

I'f they're into gardening then talk shop (SPS are full sun, softies are part shade) and let them help with your underwater gardening (they can even do it in winter).

If they're an artist have them help with the aquascape or the colour combinations in your zoa garden etc.

Knives and swords=sea urchins
stock market= coral investments
Collectors= WWC
Guns =Pistol shrimp
Boxing= Mantis shrimp
Adrenaline junkie=hand feed the snowflake eel
Wood worker= If only my tank had the most amazing stand in world;)
Anxiety= ultimate redundancy checker, they can see potential problems you'd never imagine! Plus blennies look like they're always mid panic attack
Chemist= test kits
Scifi/horror movies= bobbit worm
Astronomer: So they're saying one of Jupiters moons has ocean under all of its ice...
Hitting the club= turn up the blues on the LED!
Weight lifting= 1 gallon equals 8 pounds, let them bench your water change buckets!
Statistician: The probability of fish x and y's compatibility!

The list goes on and on.
Not only could this help get them interested but more importantly its a way they can contribute to something that makes you happy in a very meaningful way to the both of you. The only thing better than seeing someone you love be happy is being a part of why they're happy in the first place. They married you to involved in your life and your passions, if they're struggling to do that then help them find the connection and it will make it much easier!

The most important part: Get involved in their hobbies! Use the same connection tactics above and find a way to contribute to something that makes them happy. Even if neither of you ever get super interested in the others hobby at least you'll be spending time together and that should make you both happy:D

This. I agree with every word of this. There is something for EVERYONE to love, and enjoy about the ocean and a reef tank, and there are so many ways to involve others. The possibilities are endless. It's not just a hobby.

 

[Mariette]

I was out of line and im sorry. Like i said, were communicating

What? Nooooo. Not out of line. I was joking. JOKING I tell you. I thought your comments were funny.

 

[Mariette]

Instead of looking for leverage look for common ground, the ocean is so diverse that you can find any colour/pattern scheme that exist and one of the most amazing things about this hobby is how it can offshoot into so many others. Instead of twisting their arms and using their weaknesses play to their strengths!

My mom is all about one thing... Sparkles... Swarovski crystal dog collars, phone cases, glitter, precious gems ANYTHING SHINY. If she was the person I was trying to convince the glistening mantle of a maxima clam would be front and centre.

If your spouse is happiest when they are writing series of binary and algorithms let them do the code for your apex!

I'f they're into gardening then talk shop (SPS are full sun, softies are part shade) and let them help with your underwater gardening (they can even do it in winter).

If they're an artist have them help with the aquascape or the colour combinations in your zoa garden etc.

Knives and swords=sea urchins
stock market= coral investments
Collectors= WWC
Guns =Pistol shrimp
Boxing= Mantis shrimp
Adrenaline junkie=hand feed the snowflake eel
Wood worker= If only my tank had the most amazing stand in world;)
Anxiety= ultimate redundancy checker, they can see potential problems you'd never imagine! Plus blennies look like they're always mid panic attack
Chemist= test kits
Scifi/horror movies= bobbit worm
Astronomer: So they're saying one of Jupiters moons has ocean under all of its ice...
Hitting the club= turn up the blues on the LED!
Weight lifting= 1 gallon equals 8 pounds, let them bench your water change buckets!
Statistician: The probability of fish x and y's compatibility!

The list goes on and on.
Not only could this help get them interested but more importantly its a way they can contribute to something that makes you happy in a very meaningful way to the both of you. The only thing better than seeing someone you love be happy is being a part of why they're happy in the first place. They married you to involved in your life and your passions, if they're struggling to do that then help them find the connection and it will make it much easier!

The most important part: Get involved in their hobbies! Use the same connection tactics above and find a way to contribute to something that makes them happy. Even if neither of you ever get super interested in the others hobby at least you'll be spending time together and that should make you both happy:D

But of course!!! You just blew my mind. He’s an electrician. A renovation DIYer. I’ll ask for his help with a generator for the current tank. Get him involved. Maybe he’ll want a bigger tank too!!!

 

[Mariette]

That would make the situation dire for op. She would be lucky to keep the 55. Maybe up the the baking bread.

With hob and hob skimmer combined with some t5 I bed you could do LPs and softies.

“Dire” hahaha. Sometimes men forget that women like a little affection too lol.

I have a big canister filter and the lighting I have will definitely support some options. Maybe I’ll get him into corals so he can see where we’re limited. If he wants a really cool coral that requires more than we have to offer, he may be more understanding of why I want to upgrade

 

[TriggerFinger]

I think you may be onto something. Maybe do this in stages. Hmmm....

I’ll never be in a position where I can drop thousands of dollars at once. I’ve been saving for lights for a couple months and now I get to pick them out and buy them. I’m getting there...slowly, but getting there.

 

[sfin52]

“Dire” hahaha. Sometimes men forget that women like a little affection too lol.

I have a big canister filter and the lighting I have will definitely support some options. Maybe I’ll get him into corals so he can see where we’re limited. If he wants a really cool coral that requires more than we have to offer, he may be more understanding of why I want to upgrade

Show him the dragon soul torch. On second thought thats an expensive coral. Show him @fabutahoun tank.

Some FTS tank progression

June 4, 2016


June 7, 2016


June 29, 2016


October 3, 2016



February 15, 2017


August 4, 2017


September 9, 2017


January 7, 2018


May 26, 2018


June 15, 2018


October 24, 2018


November 10, 2018


February 14, 2019

 

[Mariette]

I’ll never be in a position where I can drop thousands of dollars at once. I’ve been saving for lights for a couple months and now I get to pick them out and buy them. I’m getting there...slowly, but getting there.

Oohhh how exciting. I’ve got to admit, setting something up over time has its appeal. Enjoy your new lights :)

 

[Mariette]

Show him the dragon soul torch. On second thought thats an expensive coral. Show him @fabutahoun tank.

Oohhh I googled it. What a stunner! But yeah, waaay to expensive for a beginner coral. That looks like something I might save for down the road once I know what I’m doing and have an established upgraded system in place that’s been nice and stable for a good long while.

And what a gorgeous progression! Goals! I’m gonna show him your post. Wish me luck :) thx!!!!

 

[scriptmonkey]

So in all seriousness you need to find a way to have him feel he has a vested interest in the tank. My case it cost me:
1 neon frog spawn
1 neon Hammer
1 toxic Hammer
3 lawnmower Blenny's

Now I am getting prime real estate in the basement, double the tank capacity, and a helper when I am on the road.

 

[Mariette]

So in all seriousness you need to find a way to have him feel he has a vested interest in the tank. My case it cost me:
1 neon frog spawn
1 neon Hammer
1 toxic Hammer
3 lawnmower Blenny's

Now I am getting prime real estate in the basement, double the tank capacity, and a helper when I am on the road.

I think I can get him on board w an upgrade. Maybe not the one I had in mind but I can compromise.

I’d certainly be willing to pay the price you listed lol. And for prime real estate at that! Congratulations ;)

 

[scriptmonkey]

I think I can get him on board w an upgrade. Maybe not the one I had in mind but I can compromise.

I’d certainly be willing to pay the price you listed lol. And for prime real estate at that! Congratulations ;)

Yeah, need access to water and drains so I could do auto water changes and the easiest way was on the wall that had the laundry room on the back side but it had the TV on it that no one used.

It was a shame the TV in the living room broke, stupid gravity, and we took the good TV in the basement to the livingroom...what were the odds the wall I needed would come available...darn freak accidents. All because I needed to check the network cable in the back..oh well, lesson learned, it was wireless. ;Facepalm

 

[Dr. Dendrostein]

What? Nooooo. Not out of line. I was joking. JOKING I tell you. I thought your comments were funny.

I noticed that but it was too late when I saw that you were joking

 

[Dr. Dendrostein]

What? Nooooo. Not out of line. I was joking. JOKING I tell you. I thought your comments were funny.

I noticed that but it was too late when I saw that you were joking

 

[fabutahoun]

Hi and thanks for sharing my tank progression. I had the same problem with my wife, so when I decided that its time to get the tank, I sent here with the kids to visit her parents. She returned to see a new large 180 gallon tank and in fornt of it flowers and a box of macaroons.

With time she started to like the tank.

So send your husband for a long vacation lol.

 

[Salty Lemon]

Okay...I have a husband who does not like to spend money unless necessary. Now every marriage is different and every personality is different, but this is how it worked for me. And for god-sake do not withhold sex. Women have power these days and we have moved beyond that. Plus why punish yourself in this endeavor. ;)

1. He saw how much I loved working with my smaller tank and maintaining it. He made comments about how happy he was that I enjoyed the hobby.
2. When you are at the lfs together, casually drop a comment that you love tangs, but your tank is too small. Don't milk it or get dramatic. Just make a casual comment.
3. I taped an outline with painter's tape of the size tank I wanted on the wall where I wanted the new tank to sit -- exact size and dimensions and left it up for days (it was around the TV). I told him I was just seeing what it would look like. I even took a picture of it and texted it to him when I first did it.
4. I developed a budget and plan for how to save up to get the set up I wanted and talked about it constantly. I did not beg or ask. I just said that I really wanted this and that I was hoping it would eventually work.
5. My husband likes to feel useful and loves to "help" fix things, make things etc. I asked him if he had any suggestions for setting up electrical, plumbing etc, for a tank on a budget -- I was still going to do what I wanted, but I included him. He now thinks all of that stuff is his responsibility. He built my new RODI system/top off and has it running into our sprinkler system. He thinks it is his and he constantly maintains it because he likes to help. You mentioned your husband is an electrician -- perfect.
6. Eventually, he will say."You know...maybe we can make this work."

Keep in mind everything takes time in this hobby -- including upgrades. This is a slow process and it takes steps. If my husband came to me and told me that he wanted to spend thousands and something, I would hit the breaks too. It is something that needs to be eased into. When my husband told me he wanted much larger tires for his Samurai for off-roading, it sounded expensive. But he told me the reasons why. Time passed, and I bought them for him for Christmas. We spouses have to think expensive things over first and process the information.
Good luck! I can't wait for the build thread. :)

 

[WVNed]

Did you try asking him nicely? Before you do the sex, money and power stuff to him.
That always worked on me.

 

[Zos4me]

just remind him
Happy wife = Happy life
LOL

 

[Mariette]

Yeah, need access to water and drains so I could do auto water changes and the easiest way was on the wall that had the laundry room on the back side but it had the TV on it that no one used.

It was a shame the TV in the living room broke, stupid gravity, and we took the good TV in the basement to the livingroom...what were the odds the wall I needed would come available...darn freak accidents. All because I needed to check the network cable in the back..oh well, lesson learned, it was wireless. ;Facepalm

So it seems everything DOES happen for a reason. Hahahaha

 

[ScooterV]

Bummer he has little interest :( My wife has little interest in the fine details like water parameters, and only mild interest in my automation schemes. However, she loves the aquariums, usually spending much more time watching or looking at night with a flashlight than I ever have. When we moved a few years ago we tore down an in-wall 180 and I decided it was finally time to give up the hobby, so we sold everything. It was only 6 months after moving I asked about getting an AIO and putting it in the breakfast room.

LOL, her quick response was "Yes! Can I get another hippo tang?". I told her it was too small for that, and three weeks later the custom 270g was on order :) I'm really lucky!!

Giving up a bathroom in a finished basement may be a hard sell. Is it too late to change the floorplan, or too close to complete now?