Help convincing hubby to up budget

[Dr. Dendrostein]

Present it as a centerpiece for guests to see. He might go for having a cool home and something to talk about that just losing a room to a hobby.

And if he's an entrepreneur, then it'll be a write-off everything you spend, that's a win-win situation.

 

[Mariette]

Oh man I love this place!!!

Hubby and I both work hard. We consult each other on all large purchases. I’ve gotten him kinda into the hobby. I just spent almost $400 on supplies. I asked first. His only question: do you want it? Me:yes. Him: get it. He’s a good man. He helps with the tank. Even though it’s kinda my thing. This big tank I want will cost him more than money. The time I spend on it will be time away from him. Away from chores that he’ll have to pick up the slack for. Even though he already does so much. We do all tank stuff after kids go to bed so it won’t take time from them which is the only reason why I want it.

@Jeight had it right. What I need is a way to get him hooked. Maybe not into the exact tank I want but a compromise. I need him as invested as I am. I’ll take him to LFS. Show him some of the fish I want but can’t hsve because of tank size. Reel him in slowly. After all, if there’s anything we can all agree on, it’s that this hobby takes patience.

Thank you for all the comments and support :)

 

[RobW]

You're in a tough situation, us guys can persuade our ladies to let us buy things with some lavish gifts... maybe take away the sex for a few month until he gives in, j/k :D

Goodluck!!

That's just wrong! lol

 

[Oshengems]

Don't ask @Mariette ...lol

I’m done l m a o

 

[lapin]

Reel him in slowly.

Yep After he takes the bait gently nudge him into the tank
Plus dont forget the kids and reef biology.

 

[Pntbll687]

I just nagged my wife until she agreed to a new tank.

Point out everything that is "wrong" with what you have. Then start on how you could do things "right" with a new tank.

 

[Mariette]

I just nagged my wife until she agreed to a new tank.

Point out everything that is "wrong" with what you have. Then start on how you could do things "right" with a new tank.

Been doin just that ;)

 

[Mariette]

You're in a tough situation, us guys can persuade our ladies to let us buy things with some lavish gifts... maybe take away the sex for a few month until he gives in, j/k :D

Goodluck!!

You’re horrible lol

 

[Mariette]

A four bulb t5ho can be had for around $100 and will support pretty much whatever you put in that 55 aside from the most light hungry acros. The necessity of a protein skimmer is debatable as are frequent water changes, both of which are determined by bioload and feeding habits. Dealing with excess nitrates and phosphates can be done on the cheap by doing things like hanging a basket filled with chaetomorpha algae near the surface and under either a dedicated cheapy bulb or simply your tank’s lighting. If you’re ok with paying more for salt every so often, use a siphon on your sand and do small but frequent water changes (5% twice a week is pretty gentle on corals vs. 10% all at once). Even in the flow department, a single 0w-40 jebao pump will do the job and will run you around $80. All in all, it doesn’t have to cost a lot to go mixed reef. What the fancy tanks typically get with their snazzy & expensive equipment is better aesthetics, remote/automatic functionality and less maintenance. They are by no means must have items and it may be easier to convince by starting with cheap adjustments, such as your lighting and tank circulation $100 at a time and see what you need vs. what you want later on.

This is my cheapy second tank in the works.

Light - hmmm you’ve given me something to think about thank you.

Protein Slimmer - I’ve done enough research to know that you’re absolutely right. Plus I’ve had my tank up for 2 yrs without one. But I have 2 young children and, as dedicated as I am to the hobby, part of the draw to the bigger fancier tank with greater volume is the stability. Weekly water changes are all we can handle.

Flow - I’ve got that covered. Ive got extra Powerheads that will cover a bigger tank. I overbought when setting up lol. Wouldn’t mind upgrading to a fancy integrated system down the road but that’s certainly not necessary.

Thank you for such an in depth and supportive reply. That’s a pretty nice second tank you e got there ;)

 

[Mariette]

Ok all You Reefing Lady's . Marriette needs help ! :)

Such a sweet rally. Thank you

 

[Mariette]

Female here. We both work full time and both pay the bills. We do not share a bank account and do not have to ask each other permission...if I want something that I can’t afford on my income alone then I ask if he will help me pay for it and he does, no arguing. My bills are paid and my daughter is well taken care of. We are not rich by any means, we both work very hard for what we have. I don’t get what I want when I want it...I have to put back and save sometimes. I’m coming up on 9 months of building my 90g tank. It works for us and I understand not everyone has the same type of relationship. Communication is key.

I think you may be onto something. Maybe do this in stages. Hmmm....

 

[Mariette]

When we first met, my wife was , umm, a bit ambivalent about my hobbies, and I of hers. As we grew to know each other, I saw the incredible amount of effort she put in to hers (tole painting, scrapbooking) and after taking her to a couple LFS, she began to show interest in mine (woodworking, photography, marine aquariums, scuba). We actively encourage each other to pursue what makes us happy. She now wants me to get rid of my mothers cherry hutch so she can have a 180 in the dining room with anemones, clownfish, and zoanthids. Of course, she also wants me to do all the setup and maintenance, but thats another story;)

Like TriggerFinger, we both work full time and both pay the bills. No kids to spend our $$$ on so no worries there, although the dogs can get a bit spendy at times.

Talk to him. Let him know just how much this means to you. And then do it. If it upsets him that much to see you enjoying your life, that is his problem, not yours.

I love your outlook. A little backstory to shed some light: I wanted a dog. I’ve always wanted a dog. My husband did not. We got a dog. Because my husband knew how badly I wanted one. A puppy that grew into a 145 pound dog. Husband had to walk him most days and pick up all the backyard poo while I was pregnant. That dog ended up allergic to everything. Tons of vet bills. Special diet. Meds. The works. Cost us a ton. Husband didn’t want to spend the money. I spent it anyway. Why? Because it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, that dog got cancer and, despite catching it early and doing everything the vets recommended, at the age of just 2 yrs and 3 mtgs old, we had to say goodbye to the most beautiful dog that ever lived. RIP Blue.

The point I’m trying to make is this: I don’t believe it’s right to just do this without his blessing. It effects his home and his finances. If he made a decision like this without me, I would not be impressed.

 

[Mariette]

@justmee, @SawCJack00, @Jomama, @Potatohead, and @scriptmonkey

All your your responses either implied, or outright suggested I use sex to get what I want. I must say, as a woman, I’m disappointed. I thought that , as a society, we’d come a long way from the sexist ego fueled hahahah jk. Not a political forum but couldn’t resist the jab at feminism. All very funny comments . Thank you

 

[Elliott Comans]

Take him to reefstock or similar event. My wife was tagging along reluctantly with my hobby. After reefstock it is a passion we both share

 

[Mariette]

Take him to reefstock or similar event. My wife was tagging along reluctantly with my hobby. After reefstock it is a passion we both share

BRILLIANT!!!

 

[ZipAdeeZoa]

Instead of looking for leverage look for common ground, the ocean is so diverse that you can find any colour/pattern scheme that exist and one of the most amazing things about this hobby is how it can offshoot into so many others. Instead of twisting their arms and using their weaknesses play to their strengths!

My mom is all about one thing... Sparkles... Swarovski crystal dog collars, phone cases, glitter, precious gems ANYTHING SHINY. If she was the person I was trying to convince the glistening mantle of a maxima clam would be front and centre.

If your spouse is happiest when they are writing series of binary and algorithms let them do the code for your apex!

I'f they're into gardening then talk shop (SPS are full sun, softies are part shade) and let them help with your underwater gardening (they can even do it in winter).

If they're an artist have them help with the aquascape or the colour combinations in your zoa garden etc.

Knives and swords=sea urchins
stock market= coral investments
Collectors= WWC
Guns =Pistol shrimp
Boxing= Mantis shrimp
Adrenaline junkie=hand feed the snowflake eel
Wood worker= If only my tank had the most amazing stand in world;)
Anxiety= ultimate redundancy checker, they can see potential problems you'd never imagine! Plus blennies look like they're always mid panic attack
Chemist= test kits
Scifi/horror movies= bobbit worm
Astronomer: So they're saying one of Jupiters moons has ocean under all of its ice...
Hitting the club= turn up the blues on the LED!
Weight lifting= 1 gallon equals 8 pounds, let them bench your water change buckets!
Statistician: The probability of fish x and y's compatibility!

The list goes on and on.
Not only could this help get them interested but more importantly its a way they can contribute to something that makes you happy in a very meaningful way to the both of you. The only thing better than seeing someone you love be happy is being a part of why they're happy in the first place. They married you to involved in your life and your passions, if they're struggling to do that then help them find the connection and it will make it much easier!

The most important part: Get involved in their hobbies! Use the same connection tactics above and find a way to contribute to something that makes them happy. Even if neither of you ever get super interested in the others hobby at least you'll be spending time together and that should make you both happy:D

 

[sfin52]

You're in a tough situation, us guys can persuade our ladies to let us buy things with some lavish gifts... maybe take away the sex for a few month until he gives in, j/k :D

Goodluck!!

That would make the situation dire for op. She would be lucky to keep the 55. Maybe up the the baking bread.

With hob and hob skimmer combined with some t5 I bed you could do LPs and softies.

 

[Vahanyos]

I’d use the old “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission”, but this isn’t as simple as buying an expensive purse or something lol

 

[Nem0]

Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission! :)

 

[Dr. Dendrostein]

@justmee, @SawCJack00, @Jomama, @Potatohead, and @scriptmonkey

All your your responses either implied, or outright suggested I use sex to get what I want. I must say, as a woman, I’m disappointed. I thought that , as a society, we’d come a long way from the sexist ego fueled hahahah jk. Not a political forum but couldn’t resist the jab at feminism. All very funny comments . Thank you

I was out of line and im sorry. Like i said, were communicating