Help convincing hubby to up budget

Mariette · Apr 5, 2019

I’ve always wanted a mixed reef. A big one. But it was much too daunting. Now that I’ve found this wonderful forum, I feel like it’s finally a possibility. Right now, I’ve got a 55 g FOWLR that I converted from a freshwater. Ie no sump, no fuge, no skimmer. I did splurge on the lighting but nothing that would support a mixed reef.
I wanna go BIG. basement semi finished. We have a room that’s destined to be a bathroom. I’m thinking fish equipment room instead. Only thing standing in my way now is my husband. How do you talk someone into spending thousands of dollars on something they’re not passionate about?. We’re not rich but it would certainly not be taking food off the table. He doesn’t have any expensive hobbies I could use as leverage. He used to smoke a pack a day but I made him quit lol. dang. Should have gotten something out of that lol

justmee · Apr 5, 2019

You're in a tough situation, us guys can persuade our ladies to let us buy things with some lavish gifts... maybe take away the sex for a few month until he gives in, j/k :D

Goodluck!!

Mariette · Apr 5, 2019

justmee said:
You're in a tough situation, us guys can persuade our ladies to let us buy things with some lavish gifts... maybe take away the sex for a few month until he gives in, j/k :D

Goodluck!!

BAHAHAHAHA!!!!

ccombs · Apr 5, 2019

Present it as a centerpiece for guests to see. He might go for having a cool home and something to talk about that just losing a room to a hobby.

Crustaceon · Apr 5, 2019

A four bulb t5ho can be had for around $100 and will support pretty much whatever you put in that 55 aside from the most light hungry acros. The necessity of a protein skimmer is debatable as are frequent water changes, both of which are determined by bioload and feeding habits. Dealing with excess nitrates and phosphates can be done on the cheap by doing things like hanging a basket filled with chaetomorpha algae near the surface and under either a dedicated cheapy bulb or simply your tank’s lighting. If you’re ok with paying more for salt every so often, use a siphon on your sand and do small but frequent water changes (5% twice a week is pretty gentle on corals vs. 10% all at once). Even in the flow department, a single 0w-40 jebao pump will do the job and will run you around $80. All in all, it doesn’t have to cost a lot to go mixed reef. What the fancy tanks typically get with their snazzy & expensive equipment is better aesthetics, remote/automatic functionality and less maintenance. They are by no means must have items and it may be easier to convince by starting with cheap adjustments, such as your lighting and tank circulation $100 at a time and see what you need vs. what you want later on.

This is my cheapy second tank in the works.

actik · Apr 5, 2019

Black box lighting will grow anything and is pretty cheap 80-90$ canadian, heres a pic on my 20g its overkill for me. Hope that gives you an idea, its not pretty...well mine isnt atleast. but it works great.

Captain Quint · Apr 5, 2019

Don't ask @Mariette ...lol

Jeight · Apr 5, 2019

get him involved...let him know how much it would make you happy if you could share the hobby...better than my wife sharing her love of Yoga with me..but it really means something to her so I make an attempt

User1 · Apr 5, 2019

Mariette said:
I’ve always wanted a mixed reef. A big one. But it was much too daunting. Now that I’ve found this wonderful forum, I feel like it’s finally a possibility. Right now, I’ve got a 55 g FOWLR that I converted from a freshwater. Ie no sump, no fuge, no skimmer. I did splurge on the lighting but nothing that would support a mixed reef.
I wanna go BIG. basement semi finished. We have a room that’s destined to be a bathroom. I’m thinking fish equipment room instead. Only thing standing in my way now is my husband. How do you talk someone into spending thousands of dollars on something they’re not passionate about?. We’re not rich but it would certainly not be taking food off the table. He doesn’t have any expensive hobbies I could use as leverage. He used to smoke a pack a day but I made him quit lol. dang. Should have gotten something out of that lol

I know this is going to come off as bad bed side manors so will apologize upfront. I was going to say if you have to ask upfront a forum an answer to this then you have a much bigger issue. I sense the excitment and passion and to me that should be enough. Only the both of you can answer the question and if my better half came to me with something equally then as long as it doesn't remove food from the table or impact our other plans go for it.

And trust me - mine has a more expensive hobby with collecting, and consuming, wine than my reef tank. It is about give and take as you know in our situations and to me if I saw the passion in your eyes the world would be yours. Again, apologies because I'm pretty sure I screwed up this reply.

cracker · Apr 5, 2019

Ok all You Reefing Lady's . Marriette needs help ! :)

TriggerFinger · Apr 5, 2019

Female here. We both work full time and both pay the bills. We do not share a bank account and do not have to ask each other permission...if I want something that I can’t afford on my income alone then I ask if he will help me pay for it and he does, no arguing. My bills are paid and my daughter is well taken care of. We are not rich by any means, we both work very hard for what we have. I don’t get what I want when I want it...I have to put back and save sometimes. I’m coming up on 9 months of building my 90g tank. It works for us and I understand not everyone has the same type of relationship. Communication is key.

Billdogg · Apr 5, 2019

When we first met, my wife was , umm, a bit ambivalent about my hobbies, and I of hers. As we grew to know each other, I saw the incredible amount of effort she put in to hers (tole painting, scrapbooking) and after taking her to a couple LFS, she began to show interest in mine (woodworking, photography, marine aquariums, scuba). We actively encourage each other to pursue what makes us happy. She now wants me to get rid of my mothers cherry hutch so she can have a 180 in the dining room with anemones, clownfish, and zoanthids. Of course, she also wants me to do all the setup and maintenance, but thats another story;)

Like TriggerFinger, we both work full time and both pay the bills. No kids to spend our $$$ on so no worries there, although the dogs can get a bit spendy at times.

Talk to him. Let him know just how much this means to you. And then do it. If it upsets him that much to see you enjoying your life, that is his problem, not yours.

Dr. Dendrostein · Apr 5, 2019

Mariette said:
I’ve always wanted a mixed reef. A big one. But it was much too daunting. Now that I’ve found this wonderful forum, I feel like it’s finally a possibility. Right now, I’ve got a 55 g FOWLR that I converted from a freshwater. Ie no sump, no fuge, no skimmer. I did splurge on the lighting but nothing that would support a mixed reef.
I wanna go BIG. basement semi finished. We have a room that’s destined to be a bathroom. I’m thinking fish equipment room instead. Only thing standing in my way now is my husband. How do you talk someone into spending thousands of dollars on something they’re not passionate about?. We’re not rich but it would certainly not be taking food off the table. He doesn’t have any expensive hobbies I could use as leverage. He used to smoke a pack a day but I made him quit lol. dang. Should have gotten something out of that lol

This is how you should start the conversation" honey how much do you love me?" and he better answer "up to half my kingdom." and there you go ,there's your money , case closed. that's how I would pursue it
and if he answers any different, it's time to kick him to the curb or trade him in like trading in a car for another hubby.
remember we're just communicating here