How do you cope with setbacks in reef/life?

[Miami Reef]

I’m young, so I haven’t experienced much setbacks compared to the older people. It hurts so bad.

I had ich/velvet/fish dying and I was sick of it. I tried everything to manage ich but I failed. I’m sure it could of been done well if I selected the right fish, and not added so many.

Anyway, it was too late and I tore down the tank…second time in the same year. The first time was because I wanted to redo my aquascape. But now it’s because of ich.

My corals were all strategically placed in the front before. Now they are all over the place and it looks like my tank has no corals. This really hurts so much. The tank is super cloudy and murky.

Basically. I have a 40 gallon brute with all my fish. I’m going to give them to LFS and take whatever store credit I can. Treating these fish with no tank (it’s in fallow) is a bad idea for me. I know if I keep them I’d kill them all. At least they will have a fighting chance and I can at least get some of my money back.

I will have to post photos of the new tank. It honestly doesn’t look bad. The rocks look very nice, but it’s just that it looks like there’s no corals. I don’t know where they all went.

 

[Miami Reef]

Who am I kidding? It looks awful compared to before.

 

[Miami Reef]

 

[workhz]

Most folks start off a little smaller and gain experience through a bit of trial and error.

 

[KrisReef]

Hey, you have a reef tank. Things happen to these all of the time.
I have lived a life and suffered some set-backs. After while you will have a better perspective. Your loss can teach you to be happy if you let go of the "failure" part. You are human, a fallen creature that makes mistakes. Join the club sir.

A better perspective would be to look at what you do have and be happy for it. The tank needs to sit fallow for fish but you can still have some corals. Dig those out from the rock pile and quit focusing on the ich fish. Be glad that you are not terminally ill with ich. Perspective. Be happy now with what you have or you will not likely be happy with what is coming.

I'm not trying to be harsh or mean, just hoping to help you move forward. Quit with the failure talk. Get rid of that.
Hth. Buddy Kris

 

[rhostam]

Check out BRSTV 5-minute guide series. The best way to cope is to plan and to be prepared. They try and condense much of the hobby’s initial learning process into 5 minute digestible chunks for each topic.

 

[Anthony Scholfield]

I’m young, so I haven’t experienced much setbacks compared to the older people. It hurts so bad.

I had ich/velvet/fish dying and I was sick of it. I tried everything to manage ich but I failed. I’m sure it could of been done well if I selected the right fish, and not added so many.

Anyway, it was too late and I tore down the tank…second time in the same year. The first time was because I wanted to redo my aquascape. But now it’s because of ich.

My corals were all strategically placed in the front before. Now they are all over the place and it looks like my tank has no corals. This really hurts so much. The tank is super cloudy and murky.

Basically. I have a 40 gallon brute with all my fish. I’m going to give them to LFS and take whatever store credit I can. Treating these fish with no tank (it’s in fallow) is a bad idea for me. I know if I keep them I’d kill them all. At least they will have a fighting chance and I can at least get some of my money back.

I will have to post photos of the new tank. It honestly doesn’t look bad. The rocks look very nice, but it’s just that it looks like there’s no corals. I don’t know where they all went.

I tend to cope with setbacks by grieving over the situation. Being sad, frustrated with the situation and possibly myself and a few times i even considered quiting. After i work through that i tend to evaluate and learn from the set back to not repeat it and move on a more experienced reefer.

Ive come to learn there will always be some sort of set back eventually. Equipment fails, Power goes out, human error or disease. We do the best we can to minimize all that but in the end we are trying to keep an amazing complex thing in our house. I believe this is a reality of reef keeping that no one tells you before your in haha

Hang in there, this isnt for the faint of heart. Youre in good company though!

 

[Colt13]

i was in the same position a year ago. lost nearly all my fish to ich/velvet and had to QT. it sucks because i hate killing things unnecessarily and felt like i let my fish down due to my own ignornace. (not to mention the hundreds of dollars i lost). at the end of the day, i wasnt fully aware of fish diseases and couldve been more educated, but stuff happens. live and learn. i also partially blame the LFSs, i wrongfully assumed they wouldnt sell me sick fish.

this hobby aint easy, if you want to succeed youll have to push through the failure. thats what will make it so sweet when you do have a tank youre proud of. a year later, and fighting fish disease, dinos, cyano, etc etc, my tank looks great. there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

on another note, my equipment also got me down, i bought pretty high end stuff (thinking i would have no complaints) but basically had complaints with all of it. only one or two things worked perfectly. im pretty much over that, now i just don't expect much out of products. thats another discussion though.

 

[Nano sapiens]

As many would say, 'Welcome to reef keeping". It's typically a roller coaster ride, especially in the beginning. But if you stick with it and learn from past experiences (yours and others), it does get easier and more enjoyable. When you see those exquisite reef aquariums online, even though you don't see it just be aware that the reef keeper has typically persevered through all sorts of issues to get there.

Sitting fallow can be a great opportunity to assess and do things to the system that will improve it or simply just please you in the future. Find the aquascape to 'regular'?...create a couple islands. Too much or not enough live rock?...remove or add a few pieces. Need more height?...build up your rockwork. Have noisy plumbing?...find a way to fix it. Need to figure out how to hide in tank equipment?...see what can be done.

Basically, turn a negative experience on it's head to provide a positive one in the future

 

[flashsmith]

Just a few tips I use for fish. Find a good lfs first and foremost. The owner of mine keeps his tanks on separate systems. This helps prevent disease spread. Also keeps salinity where it should be at not at low levels. Try to buy aquaculture only and go the day the shipment comes in. Yea you won't get the variety but disease and parasites are dropped drastically in tank raised fish. There are places online to buy fully quarantined and treated fish as well. They cost more but are worth it. I swear by a UV sterilizer to help keep things in check. I know not everyone does but whatever works for you. At this early point you should be buying "worker" fish and not expensive ornamental fish. To me in a reef tank every fish should have a job. They aren't the prettiest girl at the dance but they don't cost much and if they do die are easily replaced. Fish will die that's just part of the hobby. Nobody knows why, it just happens to perfectly healthy fish sometimes. The most expensive fish I have is $30. If you focus on coral health I've found the fish are just there and take care of themselves because your water is always in a good state.

 

[Spieg]

It can be a steep learning curve starting out. Don't believe all the on-line hype telling people how easy it is to have a reef tank (it is much easier than it was years ago, but there are a lot more pieces of equipment and supplies to manage now too).

Best thing I can say is go slow and do LOTS of research before you jump into something new. Assume any new livestock is infected with something so it's important to isolate/quarantine everything before adding it to your main tank. 15-20 years ago it was less likely to buy sick livestock but these days it seems to be the norm (doesn't say much for the suppliers today... everyone is in a race to the bottom just to increase profit margin).

One thing I will say at this point is now that your tank is fallow, make sure you continue to test water parameters... with no fish making poop in the tank, your Nitrate/Phosphate levels will drop pretty quickly. If they bottom out to zero, you will experience additional problems (dinoflagellates or cyanobacteria) and that's the last thing you want at this point. When levels start to get low, you will need to dose nitrate/phosphate to prevent this.

 

[Miami Reef]

You guys are awesome. I’m actually really excited for this fallow period.

 

[dvgyfresh]

I’ve had some setbacks to , a couple weeks ago power went out and my overflow box lost syphon and all my sump water went onto the floor, the misses made me get rid of the sump lol but I don’t let it set me back instead I plan on how to move forward , installed hob filter and put skimmer in DT and actually the tank is running smoother , no dosing just weekly water changes so even tho you are facing a setback this only allows for you to come back even stronger

 

[NeonRabbit221B]

I internalize the failure and go through a week of soul crushing anxiety. Usually start my mornings off with a brief anxiety attack and then make a list of every failure I made in the last week. After I have my extensive list I put how it will impact me in 1 year and have a beer.

 

[elorablue]

This is a tank your family bought for you , is that right? I don't know many 15 year olds who could have started and stocked that tank. Not an insult.
Do you have any help from them or is this solely your responsibility? I realise that must be a lot of added pressure because if you quit the hobby they've got quite the motza ball in the living room.
Judging from all your other posts my advice would be to relax, follow your own style not the internets and take it much much slower.
I really do hope you can make this work and start enjoying a (relatively) stress free hobby.

 

[ying yang]

I just try keep things simple in my life and that most things 99.9999999999999999999% things arent as bad as they first seem.
Yeah i get mad and yeah shout and lose temper when things dont go my way but i try catch myself going into negative mode as usually some kind of destruction follows and more i try look for positives in bad situations ( they always there if look hard enough) then the better i get at it.as in grand scheme of things got food in cupboards,roof over my head and my family all fit and well,even me as up until last august i could only walk 5- 10 metres and was in a mobility scooter which was a bad time for me for several years with my health but others in life are always in a worse position than myself,it took me alot years ( im 43 now) to make sense of what some phrases mean .
Dont cry over spilt milk.
Always someone worse off.
As one door closes another opens and the multitude of sayings like this but the more we think about them the more they help us ,btw still some sayings i dont understand yet but im sure as i get older and keep doing whats right then alls well that ends well ,so just do beat you can when you can and a clever man learns from his own mistakes but a wise man learns from others mistakes so in terms of reefing,do lots research and learn from others mistakes ^_^
Good luck and your doing alright

 

[BostonReefer300]

As many would say, 'Welcome to reef keeping". It's typically a roller coaster ride, especially in the beginning. But if you stick with it and learn from past experiences (yours and others), it does get easier and more enjoyable. When you see those exquisite reef aquariums online, even though you don't see it just be aware that the reef keeper has typically persevered through all sorts of issues to get there.

Sitting fallow can be a great opportunity to assess and do things to the system that will improve it or simply just please you in the future. Find the aquascape to 'regular'?...create a couple islands. Too much or not enough live rock?...remove or add a few pieces. Need more height?...build up your rockwork. Have noisy plumbing?...find a way to fix it. Need to figure out how to hide in tank equipment?...see what can be done.

Basically, turn a negative experience on it's head to provide a positive one in the future

The above all day long. When I did my big tank reboot early this year and my fish were in QT, I decided to tackle a big list of tank projects that I'd had on my mind for years. Upgraded several pieces of equipment. Did a few DIY projects that taught me a lot more about plumbing and electrical. Tried my hand at full-blown aquascaping (like with a wet tile saw, mortar, PVC supports, etc.). Designed my own custom sump (that I'm anxiously waiting for). You name it. Before you know it, you'll be up to your armpits in projects and have become a decent handyman!

 

[LRT]

What helps me cope with my failures in this hobby are my successes.
In this hobby ive experienced both ends of the spectrum. From total despair and kicking myself for making mistakes and losing creatures that I love. To total love and excitement when they are thriving.
Thats a beautiful tank. Correct the issue and make it better you will be happy you did. So will your corals.

 

[flashsmith]

There are no failures. Only learning experiences. All things become clear once you turn 50 . Things that used to set you off are no longer triggers as you realize none of it is worth the stress. Wish I figured this out when I was 20.. You can never fix a problem unless you fix the source first. True in life and reefing. Five years ago I walked away from a lifetime career to mow grass. It all worked out and I'm stress free running my own business.

 

[Miami Reef]

Thank you everyone. I will share updates. It turns out this setback wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.