How to Wash a cat

[4FordFamily]

I had that picture posted on my Facebook page and my wife went nut on it! I told her if you're not happy when I open the trunk then I'll close it back up!

Yup that's where I saw it too. I thought it was partially relevant here!

 

[4FordFamily]

My wife doesn't like to eat out with me much. I always causes trouble with the waitress as well!

The waitress would say "I'll be your waitress this evening" and I would say "Good I'll take advantage of that!" The looks on their face are priceless!

I always order half and half tea and tell them I want unsweet on the bottom and sweet on the top. If you get it wrong, then you lose your tip with a serious face. A lot of time you can see that they get scared!

We had a group at a mexican place one time and it was a good amount of people at our table. The waitress asked each one of us if we want a box. When she asked me, which I had nothing in front of me but my tea. I told her sure, I would like a box for my tea! She walked away with a weird look on her face and we all busted up laughing. 5 minutes later, she came back and asked me, did you asked for a box for your tea?

There is a place down the road from me that likes to insult their customers for fun. So I go there to insult them. My wife hates that, so I go for lunch without her!

Haha we are so mean

 

[Kevden31]

Haha this is pretty good

 

[Reefrookie220]

We went out for dinner recently, tried a new sushi joint. The lady bring out menues and drinks and says "what can I get for you" to which I replied "what would you recommend?"


No lie this girl tells me "oh, I don't eat here, sometimes I get hives just going in the kitchen!"


My reply "well that settles it." We left and went to the usual joint.

 

[4FordFamily]

We went out for dinner recently, tried a new sushi joint. The lady bring out menues and drinks and says "what can I get for you" to which I replied "what would you recommend?"


No lie this girl tells me "oh, I don't eat here, sometimes I get hives just going in the kitchen!"


My reply "well that settles it." We left and went to the usual joint.

Hahahaha that's great. I don't see sales in her future...

 

[TUSI]

Oh you are to much Paul. This is funny love it

 

[JasonK84]

How to Wash a Cat​

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 oz. of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the top lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand to the side of the toilet as far away as you can and quickly lift the lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside, where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely yours,

The Dog

I could barely finish reading each “direction” between laughing fits! Exactly my sense of humor here. Love it!

 

[WVNed]

I don't know, I guess no one reads my stuff.

Hmmm
you were on ignore
The cat is watching me
Kinda glaring in fact.

 

[Mical]

Kind of reminded me of this

 

[JasonK84]

@Paul B, would your method change for a cat like this?

Thanks again for this hilarious post!

I’ve been looking through your threads to find a build of a shrimp hatchery that you built and can’t find it. I’ve found your mandarin feeder and vacation auto Hatcher/feeder but not your everyday hatchery. Could you steer me in the right direction?

 

[Erica-Renee]

To wash the cat..
My wife just calls for Rusty while she in the kitchen running water in the sink.. He comes to her and waits. she picks him up . puts him in the sink. He stands there while she wash and Rinse him.. Then he gets Blow drier and A good Brushing....

He gets upset if he does not get his bi weekly bath..... Rusty is a Spoiled Rotten Hemilayian Persian

 

[67chevellemalibu2]

I would actually like to do this to my wife’s cat.

 

[siggy]

Makes Me want to get a Cat

 

[Captain Quint]

Shortly after Ambien came out I got an Rx. Well, it works opposite on me with no sleep. I get Ambien amnesia with the medication.

I took it and was told I did some silly things that night:

*Took grill long lighter and stuck up nostrils to burn the hair out
*Woke my oldest daughter (~6 at the time) and offered to make her a peanut butter sandwich
***But the biggie was waking my youngest son (~15 at the time) and had him hold our cat (a HUGE Maine Coon) in the sink while I washed her with cat shampoo. I woke the next morning to deep scratches all over my hands and arms.

All this in one night and I remembered nothing of the events. My family laughing told me about all this the next morning. I NEVER took that medication again.

 

[Breadman03]

This reminds me of a time I was at Petco and apparently had the wrong audience for my "joke".

Preface:
I always fed Iams cat food to my cats. I upgraded my dogs to better food but not the cats. However, my cats live to 18 I think to spite me... I'm not a big cat fan. I keep them around mostly because of nostalgia I grew up with them. To me they're furniture that tears up the house, pees in the corner, and requires feeding and care.

So I am buying Iams cat food at Petco an a sweet young lady approached me and said "sir, I see that you have (I have omitted the brand so as not to start a conversation on the best pet foods) for your dogs, but regular Iams for your cats. You know, the higher protein levels, reduced filler, and better balanced nutrition of (other brand/s) would increase the lifespan of your cats"

I quickly replied, "ma'am, my cats historically live to about 18 years old, and spend their last years destroying my home...
What foods would you recommend that would decrease their lifespan?"

The look on her face was absolutely priceless she was flabbergasted, appalled, and gazed at me in horror. I received no response. Just silence and the look of satan as I walked to the checkout uncomfortably.

My wife says that I am banned from pet stores because I always make people question my sanity and scare them.

FYI she later guilt tripped me in to buying them the same brand of food as the dogs.

A year ago I was buying crickets for my terrarium inhabitants with my 10 month old daughter in my arm in the checkout lane. I heard from behind me "crickets, eww, what are you feeding those to?" from a mother in her late 30s. "My daughter", I replied, with a straight face and I gave her an affectionate kiss on the forehead. Before I could laugh and indicate that it was in pun (I mean it should have been obvious I would think, also), I got that very same face and she did not speak to me any further.

:shrug:

I say stuff like that all the time, and am pretty sure my wife is eventually going to kill me for it. Another favorite is double entendres, with one interpretation good and the other bad. Just watch the other person's face to see their reaction change as they process the options.

We went out for dinner recently, tried a new sushi joint. The lady bring out menus and drinks and says "what can I get for you" to which I replied "what would you recommend?"


No lie this girl tells me "oh, I don't eat here, sometimes I get hives just going in the kitchen!"


My reply "well that settles it." We left and went to the usual joint.

Doh! She could have easily dodged that issue, but I guess she needs some training to figure it out.

 

[norfolkgarden]

Shortly after Ambien came out I got an Rx. Well, it works opposite on me with no sleep. I get Ambien amnesia with the medication.

I took it and was told I did some silly things that night:

*Took grill long lighter and stuck up nostrils to burn the hair out
*Woke my oldest daughter (~6 at the time) and offered to make her a peanut butter sandwich
***But the biggie was waking my youngest son (~15 at the time) and had him hold our cat (a HUGE Maine Coon) in the sink while I washed her with cat shampoo. I woke the next morning to deep scratches all over my hands and arms.

All this in one night and I remembered nothing of the events. My family laughing told me about all this the next morning. I NEVER took that medication again. eek

Lol, Sister in law cooked meals on it late at night. She wasn't worried about leaving the stove on.
But when she went to Walmart in her pajamas that was when she finally stopped taking it. [emoji23]

Spent all night at better half's bedside in the hospital years ago. They were going to have to restrain him if I didn't spend the night to keep an eye on him.
They had fed him Ambien and he thought he was being kidnapped!

No Ambien! [emoji23]

 

[sfin52]

How to Wash a Cat​

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 oz. of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the top lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand to the side of the toilet as far away as you can and quickly lift the lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside, where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely yours,

The Dog

Oh this is too funny

 

[Captain Quint]

Lol, Sister in law cooked meals on it late at night. She wasn't worried about leaving the stove on.
But when she went to Walmart in her pajamas that was when she finally stopped taking it. [emoji23]

Spent all night at better half's bedside in the hospital years ago. They were going to have to restrain him if I didn't spend the night to keep an eye on him.
They had fed him Ambien and he thought he was being kidnapped!

No Ambien! [emoji23]

Hahahahahahahahaha...sounds 'bout right!

 

[Mudder]

How to Wash a Cat​

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1 oz. of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lids. You may need to stand on the top lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand to the side of the toilet as far away as you can and quickly lift the lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside, where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely yours,

The Dog

Hmm wife is threatening to ban me from the bathroom....

 

[Phycodurus]

... why did I picture a fire hose getting turned on full blast when I read the title of Paul’s thread?!


At my former workplace, when I had the occasional sneeze, my coworker promptly replied with a ‘Bless you!’ ... to which one time I answered, “Don’t bless me, I’m Satan’s child!”

;Wideyed

Her reaction was priceless.