The Miracle Tank

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View from my desk chair so excuse the angle, yes it is very distracting, have a great weekend world. :)

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Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and asks Dick, “Is this an almond daiquiri?”
Dick replies, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”
 
I had to bring my lizard to the vet. He wouldn’t stop telling jokes and he was really getting on my nerves! The vet looked at him and said, “Oh, this isn’t a lizard. He’s a stand-up chameleon!”
 
A bar in our neighborhood got lots of interesting traffic. Cars swerved into the parking lot, and the drivers would run inside only to reappear minutes later looking confused. One reason might have been the sign outside: “Free Beer, Topless Bartenders, and False Advertising.”
 
My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.
 
I got a great new job last week and I can’t wait to start it. I’m the new head of the Old McDonald’s farm.
I’m the CIEIO.
 
My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence on the written exam: “When the ______ is dead, the car won’t start.” She wrote: “Driver.”
 
A hamburger gets married out of state. None of his hamburger friends back home have met his wife yet, and he can hardly wait to introduce her. One night he tells them to head to the local pub to meet her. The hamburger and his wife walk into the bar and he looks at all his friends and says, “Everyone, meat Patty.”
 

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