Urgh seriously.

vetteguy53081

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Hey there,

I have not done the step process yet, they said next week but I’m reluctant. It’s extremely painful to have any weight on my leg and I am using my left arm more than my right (it’s hard to put pressure on it), (I know it will hold (medically etc), but as a patient I tend to disagree ,) and trying to minimize my left leg.

I’m actually allergic to morphine I cant have any thing with it or I have horrible reactions to it, including (like serial killer type dreams which freak me out), found out when I was in med school.

So keep in mind I’m still trying to put my brain and memories back in place so trying to remeber as much as I can).

the accident itself happened so fast it’s honestly hard to explain. However afterwards, it what seemed like forever phased me and I was completely confused, but have no idea for how long. However after the officer screamed at me and shined a light asking if I was okay, I told him that I was pinned in my Jeep. What also seemed forever was the first responder which I think was a fire truck. I remember one of them literally took the passenger side door off, and they completely took the top off (my Jeep is a soft top so it two latches and away it goes. (Some May be out of order here), I then remember another officer showed up to assist, and was in the back of my Jeep to see if my seats would move back. (Do to the mechanism failing), while he was there another fire fighter took over for him or he may have been a responder, but then reached from behind the seat and put a neck brace on. Which from memory I couldn’t stop crying and I don’t think they could understand me. But I was trying to say my legs are hurting bad and pinned. Then some of it was a blur but I remember they placed a heavy blanket over me, and that’s when they literally ripped the door off of the Jeep. Right after is when level 1 or code blue (severe trauma specialist showed up). I remember telling them as they started an iv that I was allergic to morphine and I’m an 0 neg and the passcode to my phone to call my parents.
Mostly after that things I know from work were happening by I don’t remember them happening. I do remember parts where they secured me on a hard board (designer for head and spine injuries), and they literally strapped me down.
What also seemed like forever was Going to the ambulance and here is where I have very hard time. I know they were stabilizing me in the ambulance, but during that process I was moved to the st Luke’s life flight. That’s when I was I think wheeled over and some person was holding my hair. The next point was all I heard was close your eyes and they said lots of wind. Then it stopped and there was that aroma of jet fuel and this flight nurse was telling me all about the helicopter and how good the pilot was. It literally felt like an in and out experience time wise. Just as I had been placed in I was wheeled out on a platform on a roof. Then I remember four to five people around me, and I was wheeled in a level 5 (where they have dr there nurses officers, a person who documents everything etc). It’s a lot of people and scary to patients. This is where I think all of my clothes were cut off of me. They kept asking me questions and even now I csnt think of what they said.

as each day comes and goes, I find myself remembering things and other days I have to ask what happened. Some tell me like my dad they literally cut my Jeep in two to get me out. But I don’t remember anything about it. I get the time line confused as well, or sequence of events even now. I don’t remember the first three surgies at all. I csnt even recap the events after I was brought into the er (until the third day later). I have been trying to piece it together and it’s pretty overwhelming. but a goal of mine is to thank those who helped me but it’s hard when you can’t recognize them or even know their name. Even as I wrote this, I found myself second guessing the time line of events or trying to place events and search for others. It would be great if there was just one person who was with me the whole time, I would be able to figure the sudoku puzzle out. I have tried to write things down as a counselor suggested, but I find my self either hiding from it or crossing things out. The time from impact to 3 days later is gone in my mind. Events are hit and miss and it’s driving me crazy I have so lost my mind. I can’t solve the equation, I can’t find the variables, what’s worse is I’m terrified to figure out what the variables are, but not knowing is making me insane. Where or what does one do when they can’t remember anything for a period of 72 hours roughly. It’s bits and pieces before and more items after but from the er room to when I awoke and actually aware, are literally missing I search and cant find them. I can’t remember the collision, it literally phased me and life paused. For the life of me I can’t solve the math problem, I can’t find the variables, solving for x means nothing it won’t tell me a or b or y. I read this five times and changed it five times and the items I did write down I found myself second guessing. As I heal and my body heals, I’m scared my mind is broken.
Wow- you had a traumatic experience. You actually remember many events and sounds like the first responder was also a Jaws unit who got the Hearst cutters. The blanket was to keep the glass off of you as they were cutting. Officer was Level one ( Gosh you don't want code Blue - yikes).
Yes, you missed First 3 days as you were likely heavily sedated. The smell of Jet fuel indicates you were a hot load , meaning they left the chopper running as you were a code 1 trauma. I mention these as it will make sense what was happening around you as you try to solve the puzzle. Therapist journal is correct but don't go too deep in thought as you in a sense want to put it behind you.
Typically when we arrive at Trauma center, there is a surgical team, 2 physicians, O.R. recorder and social worker. (about 18 people) Not sure which sector you are pursuing . but you got a First hand understanding of Trauma and Trauma activity.
Some call it miraculous, but you have beaten the odds and well on your way to recovery, stability and strength
 

sfin52

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Hey there,

So well the secret is out on what happened and painfully it was my fault. they said it was not a direct head on impact but drive side or left side of vehicles that collided (makes sense since most of my left side is damaged. According to the sheriffs department Th e dash cam from the officer behind me did show I was in my lane. But as the road goes it bends and I don’t remember doing this but I basically clipped the corner and it’s a tight road to begin with. the other driver was also on the center line (not over it), but I had about foot and a half over when going around the bend. I feel bad for the other driver I had no idea. The deputy however said that I have served enough punishment so declined to cite me (I’d rather have the citation then be here), or hurt another person. They did commend me for a person not having any violations ever, can sure crash a vehicle. I was kinda dying to know what happened and I never have or well knew I ever clipped corners on bends going over the center line. It’s good to know what mistake I made (which has cost me a lot), thinking about that. Yeah no cutting corners for me any more.
Thank you for sharing. I've cut corners more than my fare share and some at excessive speeds. I won't do that again.

Good to see you up and walking. That's going to be huge in your healing.

Stay strong your still in the right side of the grass.
 

TheOne

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I know it may be hard to see the positive in any of this. But I believe things happen for a reason and I believe you were given a second chance. Seeing you get up and moving around is a good sign that you can and will be able to do this. Sometimes we have to lean on those around us and I'm glad you have your family for that right now.

Speaking from personal experience my Mom hydroplaned her suv and flipped it end over end. They said she went thru the front windshield and was laying in the middle of the road in the pouring down rain when a truck driver came up on her. She spent a month in ICU and another month in the hospital and we almost lost her during that time. That was 10 years ago and she fully recovered and we thank God for her everyday now.

I myself crashed a cbr at 130mph and was lucky to walk away from it. But it did change me and this WILL change you forever. What you choose to make of it is up to you but I see you as a strong person and I'm praying for you. Wishing you a speedy recovery. God Bless.
 
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Sarah24!

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Good morning all,

To all thanks for the encouragement and darling posts. Definitely warms the heart. Today I’m mostly resting and have to with the op get in and out of bed once and hour to get my muscles use to moving again. Depending how I feel I may do more with the walker and shower chair. Wheel chair is kinda fun, it will definitely get my arms in shape.
 
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Sarah24!

Sarah24!

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Hey friends,

Well today has had a few set backs. Dr have decided to keep me in op, but time of release has been extended. Still major concerns of possible blood clots in my system and that I have had consistently fevers (at least not over 100 now). But now schedule for another ultra sound (probably ct scan which is much better) to search for possible blood clots, followed by a venography (aka they add dye and see where the dye leaks out). The reason for this is I had a procedure called a d-dimmer and of all is good it comes back negative but mine was positive so they are looking pretty serious, and think either it’s in my legs and or abdomen or since I had a left collasped lung will look. But so many possibilities they will always do a full body scan. They plan on doing a ct scan of my head and lungs (probably whole body).

All I want to do is go home and sit in my closet.
 
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Sarah24!

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Get well soon Sarah.

I would say stay strong... but having read your posts from the last couple of weeks I can tell you are already extremely strong.

I sincerely hope your recovery is speedy.

All the very best :)
Andy

Hey there,

Seeing your from my mother land cheers me up as much as all my friends so. How is she and I so miss England so want to move back there.
 

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All I want to do is go home and sit in my closet.
I don't have a chair in any of my closets. No TV's, windows or aquariums to look at in any of them either. Seems like an odd desire. Now if you said you wanted to curl up in an oversized chair with a peanut butter and ice cream pizza, I could understand that. But... a closet? I'll just assume it's the drugs speaking. :p

Seeing your from my mother land cheers me up as much as all my friends so. How is she and I so miss England so want to move back there.
Ok, now I know it is the pain killers speaking. You do know it's wet, cold and overcast there most of the year? I miss the Bahama's. I miss Hawaii. But England? Visiting is enough, thanks! That kind of climate isn't worth it, no matter how good the fried fish are!!!
 
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Sarah24!

Sarah24!

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I don't have a chair in any of my closets. No TV's, windows or aquariums to look at in any of them either. Seems like an odd desire. Now if you said you wanted to curl up in an oversized chair with a peanut butter and ice cream pizza, I could understand that. But... a closet? I'll just assume it's the drugs speaking. :p


Ok, now I know it is the pain killers speaking. You do know it's wet, cold and overcast there most of the year? I miss the Bahama's. I miss Hawaii. But England? Visiting is enough, thanks! That kind of climate isn't worth it, no matter how good the fried fish are!!!

Hey @Brew12

I have really missed you how are things with you and your family. How is your son doing I’m still hoping they won’t discharge him.

sadly lol most of that is true. Some times when I have panic attacks or need like piece and quite I take my lioe
And fav blanket and hide in it. It’s kinda like my safe place yes I’m a strange one.

oh mother england lol I like Seattle and Oregon coast also green cloudy and raining. Rain is my favorite because of the fresh smell and how it makes one feel. Always loved England for tons of reasons the beauty people, nature etc. still may have some of the drugs affecting me but (I know they are), but closet is very true and since idaho is sooo bone dry and well ugly lol od take cloudy and rainy and pretty any time.

when I went to Cancun I really loved it down there (dwell on tourist row lol). But it was super neat and the rainstorms there are so fascinating.
 

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@Sarah24!
I know you are having pain but that is a positive sign of life at this point! Loved seeing you doing the therapy and hope you continue to improve. Praying for no blood clots please!

Helicopter rides are fun when you can enjoy the view...not so great on life flight. One of my wife's coworkers is a life flight nurse in the Lewiston area. She absolutely loves her job as a side gig to teaching nursing!

Courage you are doing great this early in the game!
 
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H3rm1tCr@b

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Hey friends,

Good question I’m not certain, just know my dad went back to the lfs I normally go to and set or made arrangements to take care of it. Not sure who etc my parents won’t talk to me about it etc, they want me to only focus on healing. But the anxiety is starting to take it’s toll on me because my tank means the world to me.
My parents want me to donate it before I’m released to whatever I pick. I havnt made my mind up yet but with a broken left arm and wrist, as well as both femur bones and left knee cap don’t think I can manage on my own. If I sadly have to then the whole system will go to not shock the corals and fish. I have people or businesses in mind but it’s not one I’m taking lightly.
Oh man that sucks. I would die if I had to get rid of mine! Well, I’d think about it long and hard, then make the choice that feels best. After all, after you get better you could just set up a little nano tank. It’s hard to part with pets though. May God bless you and I hope you have a good Thanksgiving ❤️
 
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Sarah24!

Sarah24!

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Hey friends

It’s been a long painful day and pt was not as good as I had hoped to be. But there is tomorrow. As I lay here and ponder things in life, I use to crave sleep because I never had it much, now other than exercising my non dominant hand with the remote control life is pretty bland.

With that said, lol I had to demonstrate on myself with my non dominant hand how to remove staples. She was a second year nursing girl and super nice but needs work. It didn’t help that her mentor went off to do what ever. I’d probably freeze also but I ended up taking out all my staples (where they marked), after she tried two and made it hurt sooo bad (I had tears). So I explained how to do it. I did confuse her because she kept saying I don’t think patients are allowed and this is specialized training. Yes darling I know all to well. After I removed them in about 8 min she had that look of hmmm something isn’t right. Not to mention when her mentor csme in he said wow good job, and things went great till she said I did all of them except 2. In which he kinda threw a fit and got my nurse and then decided to make me feel bad and stupid. It’s then I told him well if you would not have left your trainee to go get coffee this wouldn’t have happened. Which he said I don’t know what you do for work but here that’s something we don’t do. It was then my nurse said she is a second year residency doctor and you probably don’t want to keep yelling at her. which after I removed them he said well done your doing good. (Umm your not even a nurse your a nurse assistant, (I think that’s what his tag said). Which then my dr came in and he complained, he smiled and goes well son what did you learn from a dr who can use one hand? Sadly the others stay in but I may do the rest lol it doesn’t hurt near as bad.

They also upgraded my right leg support and my dads first words were The revenge of the morbid terminator starring Sarah (last name). Thanks dad I have always wanted to be a morbid ai robot, it’s been something high on my list all my life.

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Sarah24!

Sarah24!

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Sorry about that symbol at the end... that wasn’t what I typed in on my phone lol

Hello;

Lol it’s okay and it made me laugh so that’s a start. Normally I could critically think and have answers. But if I were to be truthfully honest, knowing how hard I have worked to get into residency just to know it’s very possible it could end has me just well sad. I have to meet with my lead dr ( that I work on, the board at the hospital and hr and god knows who else). I’m honestly I have no idea what to say. The intensive pt is very hard and I’m hoping that I can find like a mini messed up rod or crutch that fits under my left arm and mounts to the walker. I could then maneuver it better and keep weight off my feet. Doing steps today was a disaster and I fell every tome and the support straps saved me.

But honestly your good thoughts prayers, being funnt has a huge motivation on me. I have panic attacks because as of now I havnt not seen my tank in 18 days and my parents hide it and make me focus on healing. But my friends on here and being able to go back and see the ocean I had than destroyed and made again, gives me the drive to get home.

Granted I failed horribly at stairs and I have lots of stairs in my home and both parents are willing to help me. My dad went over board and wanted to be me a new Jeep and I’m terrified to drive again:

but with the encouragement of friends here there are baby steps I can take and that’s so helpful.
To a direct answer to your question that sounds lovely and I’m in awe. I will be honest it’s hard for me to focus still and about every paragraph I have to close my eyes and refocus.
 

vetteguy53081

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Hello;

Lol it’s okay and it made me laugh so that’s a start. Normally I could critically think and have answers. But if I were to be truthfully honest, knowing how hard I have worked to get into residency just to know it’s very possible it could end has me just well sad. I have to meet with my lead dr ( that I work on, the board at the hospital and hr and god knows who else). I’m honestly I have no idea what to say. The intensive pt is very hard and I’m hoping that I can find like a mini messed up rod or crutch that fits under my left arm and mounts to the walker. I could then maneuver it better and keep weight off my feet. Doing steps today was a disaster and I fell every tome and the support straps saved me.

But honestly your good thoughts prayers, being funnt has a huge motivation on me. I have panic attacks because as of now I havnt not seen my tank in 18 days and my parents hide it and make me focus on healing. But my friends on here and being able to go back and see the ocean I had than destroyed and made again, gives me the drive to get home.

Granted I failed horribly at stairs and I have lots of stairs in my home and both parents are willing to help me. My dad went over board and wanted to be me a new Jeep and I’m terrified to drive again:

but with the encouragement of friends here there are baby steps I can take and that’s so helpful.
To a direct answer to your question that sounds lovely and I’m in awe. I will be honest it’s hard for me to focus still and about every paragraph I have to close my eyes and refocus.
You WILL get there. A little a time goes a Long way. As for driving- that time will come. You can even use a simulator for both fun and regaining confidence. Many AAA offices and even high schools have them. P/T is never fun but has a purpose.
It is always a joy to see the many patients we transport to visit from recovery with a smile and no evidence of a life changing event. That will be YOU - just stay Strong !
 

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