So I bought a new tank without talking it over with the wife

[bakbay]

Shift blame. Tell her that all your online friends at R2R told you to do it; otherwise, you will flood your house, causing more damages. Besides, everyone is doing it, too — not just you! lol j/k

I’ve been married almost 25yrs. Truth & honestly. Plain and simple.

Good luck! And if you still need help, I’ll PM you my address — send the tank to me and I’ll take care of it for a few years while you figure out your situation?

 

[paragrouper]

Remind her that you are the “king of this castle.” If that upsets her a tad, politely ask her to “calm down.”

It absolutely does not work, but you’ll feel great—for about 3 Nano seconds.

Jokes aside, big purchases are best discussed, negotiated and agreed beforehand. You may want to come clean with your wife. Better, If you can cancel the purchase, I would recommend you do so and start over. Failing that, I would pick cooling Your heels in the smokies for a while.

 

[Reefering1]

Buy a trip to the Smokies and maybe a new couch to go along with the new tank?

Nice, that way he has somewhere nice to sleep

 

[jkcoral]

I bought a new Innovative Marine 120.4 after hearing all of the Red Sea horror stories. Well, so did everyone else, and no one wants to buy my water bomb. I priced it cheap and lots of accessories ready to go, but, it's still for sale and my new tanks gonna be here Saturday.
So, here are my options

It’s time for some classic psychological operations for home aquariums. This is a general framework, but the steps generally proceed as follows:

1. Explain that it was needed. Damages from a tank failure would be disastrous for your animals and for your home.

2. Tell her that you felt it needed to be done for the reasons in point 1, but that you also thought that a new tank would make you happy. Turn it around and ask “don’t you want me to be happy? Don’t you love me?”

3. Turn to flattery and affirming her value, followed by a gentle bribe. Maybe something along the lines of “you’re right, maybe it wasn’t the best decision, and I’m sorry. I’m just thankful I have you to be the reasonable one that prevents me from cave man yolo-ing my way into bad situations.” And follow with “hey I think it would be kinda cool if we… (did some thing you don’t want to do but she always talks about, or maybe say it would be nice if her sister/friend/etc. came to visit for a few days).”

4. If that fails, temporarily lash out claiming they are being unreasonable or unloving. Maybe incorporate a period of time where you are quiet and giving a visibly sad or pouty face to really gain emotional leverage (results may vary).

5. Finally own up to it, apologize for not consulting with them. Tell them you’re sorry and that you’ll communicate better next time. Serve your punishment, make amends.

5a. Optional, but highly suggested: communicate better in the future before buying cool expensive things.

6. Profit. Enjoy your new tank and appreciate that you have a partner that deals with your antics. And begin scheming for new gear.

 

[cwerner]

You guys really need to setup discretionary 'fun money' accounts. I have it set so a portion of my paycheck (that is discussed with the wife, none of this is hidden) goes to a separate checking account and she has the same thing. This is for discretionary funding and would pay for stuff like a new tank, i'd just be expected to save up first and speak with her about it. She might roll her eyes but she know's it's my fun money and it's not detracting from our medical fund or rent money or mortgage. I think others might benefit from that system.

 

[paragrouper]

My wife and I take turns. she just got her Brand New Brother Embroidery machine and cabinet (which would pay for a few 120 gallon tanks). After we get over that financial body blow—it’s my turn

 

[Zunador]

I have noticed that the OP has not replied since posting this thread. My guess is he told his wife and is now dead. RIP my friend.

 

[KrisReef]

I bought a new Innovative Marine 120.4 after hearing all of the Red Sea horror stories. Well, so did everyone else, and no one wants to buy my water bomb. I priced it cheap and lots of accessories ready to go, but, it's still for sale and my new tanks gonna be here Saturday.
So, here are my options

Time to step up to some new options.
Grow a pair, set the old tank up in the garage and then tell her that you expect her to maintain it now!

Otherwise I would probably do all those other things that you listed myself.

 

[Tcook]

 

[paragrouper]

Wow...

Are you still breathing? My wife would kill me. It's just that simple.

I imagine he’s singing this song:

I’m all busted up
Broken bones and nasty cuts
Accidents will happen, but this time I can’t get up…

 

[Reefer500]

If we do not see any updates on the new tank, we will know what happened

 

[vetteguy53081]

I bought a new Innovative Marine 120.4 after hearing all of the Red Sea horror stories. Well, so did everyone else, and no one wants to buy my water bomb. I priced it cheap and lots of accessories ready to go, but, it's still for sale and my new tanks gonna be here Saturday.
So, here are my options

 

[k2-]

I would say make her part of a solution of problem (which probably doesnt exist - Yet) .

Create a problem:
Start talking about how much it costs to fix a home , let alone the issue with finding the right contractor and delays. And how its an older model and less optimized so it consumes more electricity and how you hate it.

Solution of problem:
1) You won it in a raffle
2) it wasnt me
3) What could i have done on such a steller deal
4) Flowers and bags and perfumes came free with the tank
5) Someone gifted it to me who was getting out of hobby
6) But something which always works - Make such an elaborate story that she just says "enough go setup your tank". You can use unicorns, elephants, rats, dragons - its upto your crativity.


Dont's - Don't start setting up your tank without going through above process - else you are doomed. it might delay your new tank setup but I guess you don't want to make a choice between your wife and tank.

Post tank setup: Take credit of how you saved the home from an eventual doom, dragons and how much you love your wife.


THey already know we are crazy - you just need to make sure they understand that nothing has changed.

 

[StatelineReefer]

These are all bad answers. Double Down!

"Oh honey, I bought the smaller tank as a compromise, but if you don't like it, then I'm going to have to get the 500 gallon aquarium of my dreams, we can take scuba lessons together though, because that's how I'll clean the sandbed."

 

[StatelineReefer]

 

[Andreas' Reef]

you should add an option that says "Accept your fate"

cheers

 

[EricR]

I’ve been married almost 25yrs...

Oh crud,,, just realized my 30 year anniversary is in 4 days,,, ooops...
Maybe I should get her a new tank?

 

[exnisstech]

Just tell her the new one is for her lol
I love not having to ask permission or for forgiveness. It helps that we've both already been divorced and are not married now even tho we've been together for almost 30 years.
Well truth be told it most likely because I have always paid all the bills and she could spend her money on whatever she wants as we keep our finances seperate. I recently bought her a new 2023 Nissan frontier pro 4x so I'm good for another tank if I want

 

[afrokobe]

If you swap everything over to the new tank before she comes home, I doubt she will notice. my so definitely would not notice. Just have to transfer all the livestock, setup up the tank, and sell the new tank....

 

[kevgib67]

Just to be safe incase things go really south research a good divorce lawyer and have him/her on speed dial. You know your now ex wife is going to do anything in her power to get that new tank in her divorce settlement.