Talk me off the ledge....please

PPBlimpy

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Thinking about getting out... Has crossed my mind to many times lately... this is going to be long. Just need to get it out there to like minded people.

I have not enjoyed the hobby in months.
Back story - up until 4 month ago I had a thriving 125G mixed reef, that i could sit in front of for hours and enjoy while making dinner and watching tv with the family.
5 months ago bought a new house, our dream house, checked all our boxes, original half of the house was built in 1759, second half was added in 1890. We are still in love with this place.
Instead of just moving the 125G my wife suggested I upgrade to an 8' tank and we just transfer everything to the new tank at the new house.
I loved this idea, put the 125G up for sale so it could be picked up from the old house the day i took it down and i didn't have to move it, I thought this was pretty logical thinking.
Hunt was on! came across a 300g shallow. Built a stand, moved into new house and crap hit the fan.

The plan was
The fish , and some rock went into a 45G frag tank- 4 tangs, 3 dwarf angels, juvenile emperor angel porcupine puffer, 2 clowns, mandarin, and a foxface. originally figure they would be okay for 2-3 days but definitely not ideal.
corals and rock went into a 50G horse trough with a power head, heater and a makeshift light

House needed way more work to even live in. Instead of adding the bracing to the floors to hold the new tank and finishing the tanks plumbing. I had to basically redo all the plumbing in one bathroom and part of the kitchen.

Fish were still in the frag tank at 22days. mandarin was the first to go, then others. lost all the angels, and my powder brown tang, 1 clown.
same thing with the corals. I just didn't have time and they suffered.

finally got the 300 in place and 150g of water in it, still had not braced the floor. Transferred fish, rock and corals. just got them in there. Set up a makeshift light bar, put my skimmer in, two wavemakers, a heater and a Fx6. Was another 7-10 days before I could brace the floor and start filling the tank properly.

I will say it had been 1.5 months before the tank was running on its own sump. Was never able to get sand in the tank or even aquascape like I wanted but I did see the light finally, got to enjoy the tank here and there for the next 2 months playing with it and adjusting thing. Then I started finding salt creep in weird areas. A bulkhead for the closed loop was leaking, but I couldn't reach it because of how I plumbed the tank being in a hurry and not waiting for unions to come in. it was a very slow leak. A drip every 20 minutes. I could have lived with it for a long time but i came across my current tank. decided to sell the 300, remembered why i didn't like acrylic tanks and went to back to glass.

3 weeks ago I spent the whole weekend transferring tank again. Got the new tank up and running but still haven't fully installed anything, everything is make shift. I just dont have time.

Thinking about letting it all go. One swoop sell it all. spend money/time fixing my car, start paying off some of my CC debt that has accumulated because of repairs on the house. Our family has lots of other animals that we also tend to daily- horses, goats, dogs cats tortoise lizards axolotls but the saltwater is mine. I have a 1940 buick I want to restore that was my great grandfathers.


Anyways if you have made it this far i applaud you for reading thru my woes.

Ken

IMG_4633.jpeg
 

1969iggy

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This is going to be a wildly unpopular opinion, but if you have CC debt (like more than you take home in a single month) then you should sell. Get debt free, and then get back in when you are ready. I know this is a fish forum (sorry to those i offend with the oversimplification of the amazing community you have built with that simplistic definition) but your finances direct your life. Debt is evil. Especially debt with high interest rates. Until your debt is down to your house and your primary car (or cars if you are 2 income family) you should focus on paying off that debt.

Once you settle in to the new house, get a handle on debt, take the time to brace the floor or whatever else you need to do to make the house ready, then you can ease back in and enjoy it. You've already suffered the worst of the shock, rip the Band-Aid off and focus on your new home, family and debt to get ready for the next chapter.
 
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PPBlimpy

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This is going to be a wildly unpopular opinion, but if you have CC debt (like more than you take home in a single month) then you should sell. Get debt free, and then get back in when you are ready. I know this is a fish forum (sorry to those i offend with the oversimplification of the amazing community you have built with that simplistic definition) but your finances direct your life. Debt is evil. Especially debt with high interest rates. Until your debt is down to your house and your primary car (or cars if you are 2 income family) you should focus on paying off that debt.

Once you settle in to the new house, get a handle on debt, take the time to brace the floor or whatever else you need to do to make the house ready, then you can ease back in and enjoy it. You've already suffered the worst of the shock, rip the Band-Aid off and focus on your new home, family and debt to get ready for the next chapter.
I appreciate it. Went into the house CC debt free, knew we would be adding some but the savings also took a big hit. The auto repair was an unexpected for sure just adding to the squeeze. If I could get the tank to a spot where I am comfortable just letting it ride I would be good but I haven't even had time to do a water change in over a month. Kept telling myself I wanted to wait till the mixing station was built to help make things easier.

thank you for reading it thru
I really do appreciate the response and interested in every opinion.
 

smitten with ocean life

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im sorry for all you have gone thru too. but reading thru it just sounds like you have too much on your plate. i would stop reefing and catch your breath. you can always start again later when you arent so rushed and can actually enjoy it. my opinion is that you just have too much going right now and its causing too much stress. but of course its your decision!
 

Asm481

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Busy people are able to find ways to get things done while lazy people spend their days complaining about what they need to do. You sound like a busy person that is temporarily overwhelmed. Keep you chin up and keep reefing.
 
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PPBlimpy

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Busy people are able to find ways to get things done while lazy people spend their days complaining about what they need to do. You sound like a busy person that is temporarily overwhelmed. Keep you chin up and keep reefing.
Just had a similar conversation with my wife, just talking about what has been running thru my mind. As much as she is tired of my aquaria obsession she knows what joy and peace it can bring me and was quite upset when I mentioned getting out.

She has assured me the immediate giant emergency things with the house are behind ushopefully and we have 30+ years to finish the rest.

I am getting with my brothers this weekend to hopefully go pull a transmission for my Tahoe.
Tomorrow I have a Reef Yard sale with our local reef club. Kind of a bring all your old reefing crap and sell it cheap to help other members type thing. I have a LOT of Crap. Plus its hanging out with other like minded reefers for a couple hours.
And I just got a call at lunch that a guy is coming tonight to buy one of my motorcycles that I have listed for a while and never ride so... yea, maybe things will be looking up.

Feeling a bit sheepish ,Wish I would have talked to my wife a bit sooner.

I appreciate all the words of wisdom from everyone. I may have posted this a day to soon but I was up multiple times last night thinking about everything so things were weighing pretty heavy this morning
 

ChrisfromBrick

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Thinking about getting out... Has crossed my mind to many times lately... this is going to be long. Just need to get it out there to like minded people.

I have not enjoyed the hobby in months.
Back story - up until 4 month ago I had a thriving 125G mixed reef, that i could sit in front of for hours and enjoy while making dinner and watching tv with the family.
5 months ago bought a new house, our dream house, checked all our boxes, original half of the house was built in 1759, second half was added in 1890. We are still in love with this place.
Instead of just moving the 125G my wife suggested I upgrade to an 8' tank and we just transfer everything to the new tank at the new house.
I loved this idea, put the 125G up for sale so it could be picked up from the old house the day i took it down and i didn't have to move it, I thought this was pretty logical thinking.
Hunt was on! came across a 300g shallow. Built a stand, moved into new house and crap hit the fan.

The plan was
The fish , and some rock went into a 45G frag tank- 4 tangs, 3 dwarf angels, juvenile emperor angel porcupine puffer, 2 clowns, mandarin, and a foxface. originally figure they would be okay for 2-3 days but definitely not ideal.
corals and rock went into a 50G horse trough with a power head, heater and a makeshift light

House needed way more work to even live in. Instead of adding the bracing to the floors to hold the new tank and finishing the tanks plumbing. I had to basically redo all the plumbing in one bathroom and part of the kitchen.

Fish were still in the frag tank at 22days. mandarin was the first to go, then others. lost all the angels, and my powder brown tang, 1 clown.
same thing with the corals. I just didn't have time and they suffered.

finally got the 300 in place and 150g of water in it, still had not braced the floor. Transferred fish, rock and corals. just got them in there. Set up a makeshift light bar, put my skimmer in, two wavemakers, a heater and a Fx6. Was another 7-10 days before I could brace the floor and start filling the tank properly.

I will say it had been 1.5 months before the tank was running on its own sump. Was never able to get sand in the tank or even aquascape like I wanted but I did see the light finally, got to enjoy the tank here and there for the next 2 months playing with it and adjusting thing. Then I started finding salt creep in weird areas. A bulkhead for the closed loop was leaking, but I couldn't reach it because of how I plumbed the tank being in a hurry and not waiting for unions to come in. it was a very slow leak. A drip every 20 minutes. I could have lived with it for a long time but i came across my current tank. decided to sell the 300, remembered why i didn't like acrylic tanks and went to back to glass.

3 weeks ago I spent the whole weekend transferring tank again. Got the new tank up and running but still haven't fully installed anything, everything is make shift. I just dont have time.

Thinking about letting it all go. One swoop sell it all. spend money/time fixing my car, start paying off some of my CC debt that has accumulated because of repairs on the house. Our family has lots of other animals that we also tend to daily- horses, goats, dogs cats tortoise lizards axolotls but the saltwater is mine. I have a 1940 buick I want to restore that was my great grandfathers.


Anyways if you have made it this far i applaud you for reading thru my woes.

Ken

IMG_4633.jpeg
thats a lot on your plate. Nothing wrong with breaking down for a year and keeping all your equipment. Then getting back in when the dust settles.
 
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PPBlimpy

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thats a lot on your plate. Nothing wrong with breaking down for a year and keeping all your equipment. Then getting back in when the dust settles.
This is very true. I do have a 13.5G I set back up recently. I could take my zoas, mushrooms and a couple of the LPS and CUC and stuff it full and pull down my big tank. Only fish I could keep is my one clown. definitely an option
 

Biokabe

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Honestly, having read over everything... I mean, if you want to keep going that's fine, but there's also nothing wrong with taking a break and resetting so that you can do everything right.

It doesn't sound like you want out of the hobby - just that you're overwhelmed with everything right now. It does sound like you've pushed yourself into an unfavorable position with trying to make everything work in a less-than-ideal way.

So take a step back, reset everything with the tank, get out of debt, and come back to it when you can with a fresh mind and an empty plate. Plan out what you want your new tank to be, and take the time to make it right from the start. No rush jobs on the plumbing, no jerry-rigged solutions to bracing or design or lighting or flow or anything.
 

W31Olds

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PP, if you have CC debt, have an older house in need of repairs, and are pulling replacing Transmissions yourself, you should take a step back. Stressing over finances ruins marriages not to mention the sleepless nights and older homes are always have unexpected things that come up suddenly. I would wait until your fully settled in and you're in a better financial position, then re-start. You'll enjoy Reefing more.
 

1969iggy

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This is very true. I do have a 13.5G I set back up recently. I could take my zoas, mushrooms and a couple of the LPS and CUC and stuff it full and pull down my big tank. Only fish I could keep is my one clown. definitely an option
One of the worst mistakes i see people make in life is continuing to do something that used to bring them joy, in hopes that it will bring them joy again. Usually, it's a relationship with a person, but sometimes it's a hobby. And since "absence makes the heart grow fonder", maybe rediscovering the joy of reefing will come a little easier after a break. Don't let something you do define who you are. Let who you are define what you do.
 

dough

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After keeping saltwater and freshwater aquariums for over 30 years, I've gone through these ups and downs of enthusiasm. This month I took down the freshwater tank after 7 years. It was my dad's when he passed away. It was hard letting it go but my life got a little simpler. I also decided to keep a notes and journal for the reef tank. I bought a journal notebook off Amazon, watched some basic journaling videos. It's really helped me remember what I've done, purchased, chemistry, sold all those things that I thought I'd remember but forget a week later due to my busy life. It's reconnected me to my reef tank.
 

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