The Miracle Tank

[vetteguy53081]

Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
New Jersey

 

[vetteguy53081]

A gal goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, “I won a motorhome! I won a motorhome!” The waitress runs over and argues, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stereo system!” The woman replies, “No! I won a motorhome!” By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table. He too argues, “You couldn’t possibly have won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as one of our prizes.” Again the gal says, “There is no mistake! I won a motorhome!” She hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, “WIN A BAGEL.”

 

[fishguy242]

y'all remember this... ;) you know who you are...
...COOKIES...:)

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

I woke up this morning to find two birds sitting in the sun in our backyard eating ice cream. I couldn’t believe it! They were Basking Robins!

 

[sfin52]

What do you call a snowmans temper tantrum.

A meltdown

 

[Tumey]

How do you address the wife of a hippie?

Mississippi

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[Eagle_Steve]

Phone Booth that traverses all of space and time.

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

I’ve lost a lot of weight recently by just wearing bread on my head. It’s a new loaf hat diet I’m trying.

 

[vetteguy53081]

Where does a cowboy cook all his meals?
On the range!

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

Someone recently gave me some good advice and I thought I’d share it with my wife. I went up to her in the kitchen and I said, “You know, Honey, you should really start embracing your mistakes.” She gave me a big hug.

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

 

[vetteguy53081]

Late at night, a police officer finds a drunk man crawling around on his hands and knees under a streetlight. The drunk man tells the officer he’s looking for his wallet. When the officer asks if he’s sure this is where he dropped the wallet, the man replies that he thinks he more likely dropped it across the street. “Then why are you looking over here?” the befuddled officer asks. “Because the light’s better here,” explains the drunk man

 

[vetteguy53081]

Why can’t you borrow money from leprechauns?
Because they’re always a little short