Started my day with compassion

[Paulie069]

Hello my peeps I’m taking night off and going to continue my babbling story tomorrow
Much love and respect
Let’s hear some more RAOK from some of my peeps out there. Maybe from another country

 

[Paulie069]

Hello my peeps I’m taking night off and going to continue my babbling story tomorrow
Much love and respect
Let’s hear some more RAOK from some of my peeps out there. Maybe from another country

Tonight I need to back track to when I went to prison. One month before I was supposed to show up at county jail in August ,, one night I’m hanging at local bar with my crowd and this guy (about my size) walks up and asks, are you Paulie,, I’m like why, he’s like I heard you slept with my sister, I go who’s your sister and when he tells me I had to think of who it was. Then I remember so I tell him , oh yea her that was no big deal was only the once and wasn’t that good. Then I turned around and started talking to my buds,, all sudden all you hear is a big CRACK ,,, the jerk walked me with a pool stick and busted the back of my head wide open. Then when I was standing up to have some fun he jammed the pool stick into my eye (right one) Well when he did that he smashed my orbit and my eye Literally rolled out of socket and was resting on my cheek still connected. I never even felt it I was immediately out cold,, next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital huge butt gauze bandage over one side of my head, I remember I could feel something warm pouring on me and my mother told me it was water because they were cleaning my multiple wounds. Well it wasn’t water it was blood from all the damage,, after he hit my eye and I was out cold , from what I was told he sacked me about half dozen times before someone could stop him. (He did 3yrs for it ) They were able to save my eye and rebuilt my orbit ,, but it took months to heal and I had 3 weeks before I had to go to prison,, they wouldn’t give me a medical postponement so I started my bid with one eye basically Lot more to that story but that’s the jist of it. Was 19.5 years old

 

[Paulie069]

score I just got called out for an emergency call only 15 minutes from my house,, girl was texting and driving and took out a telephone poll,, thank god she’s not hurt and was walking around and responsive. Goes to show you
DONT TEXT AND DRIVE

 

[KrisReef]

score I just got called out for an emergency call only 15 minutes from my house,, girl was texting and driving and took out a telephone poll,, thank god she’s not hurt and was walking around and responsive. Goes to show you
DONT TEXT AND DRIVE

She was posting a ROAK on here? Good enough she is well. Stay safe out there sir.

 

[Paulie069]

She was posting a ROAK on here? Good enough she is well. Stay safe out there sir.

I will I’m safety man

 

[Reefing_addiction]

So I don’t text and drive. Siri reads my text I receive to me and then I respond. But man let me tell you some of the stuff she hears vs what I actually say is hilarious! I usually send them anyway just to confuse people lol

 

[Paulie069]

My youngest daughter found a picture of us when she was barely 1 n half,, 16yrs ago, man I feel old but least still look as good. Lol, so full of myself hahaha

 

[Paulie069]

My youngest daughter found a picture of us when she was barely 1 n half,, 16yrs ago, man I feel old but least still look as good. Lol, so full of myself hahaha

Oops forgot picture

 

[Paulie069]

I was walking down memory lane and came across a picture that kinda put a chill in my spine. It’s a picture of Bam Bam Bigelow, Chris Candido and myself in locker at Madison Square Garden. I’m the only one in this picture that is still alive. We were always together everywhere we went, total Jersey boys, the three beachateers.
Chris died in 2005 from a blood clot in his leg, he broke his ankle on a pay period view show on a Sunday night. Had surgery on Monday morning,, this all happened in Florida, on Tuesday he wanted to go home so on Tuesday night he flew home. Nobody warned him not to fly because it’s dangerous after having surgery. As he was flying home he wasn’t feeling well , by time he landed in Newark he felt real sick but wasn’t sure why. Chris was home for maybe two or three hours when he started feeling real bad and had his girl take him to hospital. This is around 9-10 pm ,, at 1am I get a call from Tammy (sunny) and she’s crying so much I couldn’t understand what she was saying, I had her say it again ,, when I finally realized what she was saying I just froze and dropped the phone , within seconds I collapsed on the floor in shock. I had talked to him Monday night and all sudden he’s dead and out of my life forever. I miss him a lot especially if I hear the song Back In Black by AC/DC, it’s the song he came out to the ring to, and every time I hear it I usually get tears up by mid song because I just picture all the great matches we had and double the fun we had traveling around like circus monkeys. Chris was only 35 when he left this life and to me it’s been a little darker since he’s been gone. We had a big BROMANCE as my wife always said
I’ll tell you about Bam Bam ( Scotty) tomorrow
Chris is the blonde headed guy in pic in case you didn’t know

 

[Paulie069]

A little update on my buddy from work that’s having a rough time at the moment (Jason). We’ve been partnered up all week and doing late nite emergency calls ,, so past 4 nights he’s been staying at my house, it just makes sense if we’re a team, if he can’t get to yard in time he loses the hrs because they company just calls next guy on list. Plus I’m ALWAYS the first person called because I drive the truck and I’m literally one minute away from the yard, if it takes me any longer I made a wrong turn. Plus I can do as much hrs as they can throw my way
So it’s great that we’re paired up it’s two birds with one stone,, I get to help my friend out and he always gets to work,, my wife has been very good about it as she has gotten to know him. She told me he’s more polite than my oldest daughter hahah, he’s always expressing his gratitude for her letting him stay,, he does same with me but I tell him shut up it’s all good ,, no pay backs just pay it forward, I’m sure you’ll meet somebody one day that needs your compassion and helping hand. That’s my payback, knowing I’ve made a slight difference in someone’s life
Will get back to life story soon just gotta pick n choose what to share with getting a divorce, lol just playing

 

[fishguy242]

ok short story here paulie yes expect emoji's my buddy got divorced "nasty" time2007 was heavy drinker,took him in with us,told him not to come home drunk:mad:he did a few time in first couple years,of course ,pushing ,shoving ,come back in morn sober as i have not drank since 92,he did it,stopped drinking!!fast forward to august 2020,we have done nothing and know nothing other than ,work,make money..we are both sitting on porch .day after day,night after night,he was terrified of the c,so pretty much ,took out the jobs i could of took on w rt hand manfinally came to a head ,toes to toes ,nose to nose ,3 times was the final straw,never a blow thrown,don't know how i stopped myself..but all is well that ends well,he is now up north with his familyleft with a hand shake and a hug..not to be crude but sure is nice just having wife and kids around..big difference after 13 yearshappy thanksgiving paulie,and all the rest of you reefies

 

[Paulie069]

Maybe was a little rough at times but it sounds like you basically saved this mans life. And I’m sure no matter what he will always remember you for that. Plus brownie points with god to make up for you 20s. Lol. Your a good man and God will reward you in some way
God Bless ( Frankie)

 

[fishguy242]

only my mom,rip,sister,call me frankie

 

[Paulie069]

But it’s cute,, choochie cooo , sorry buddy I’m a little sarcastic, no disrespect much love

 

[Paulie069]

Gobble gobble peeps, I have to share a moment that just happened half hour ago. I had told you about the mechanic that introduced me to Bam Bam Bigelow,, well my wife informed me that she saw on Facebook that his wife passed away 3 weeks ago, and that he had posted how lonely he is. Well my in-laws live 5 minutes away from him so I decided to call him to tell him I’m stopping by for a minute. Well an hour n half later I’m getting ready to leave and told him I mentioned him in my little life story.
All sudden he goes hold on I got something to show you,, goes into his closet and pulls out
Bam Bam’s custom flame motorcycle jacket that Bammer wore on TV for 20yrs.
I was in shock when I saw it and right away had a spiritual moment with body chills and goosebumps,, I was literally shaking when he handed it to me. It was crazy , I couldn’t believe he had it , he told me Bam Bam gave it to him 2 months before he died. Wow I’m still in awe with a floodgate of memories rushing around in my head. What a great day ,, I miss my friend
Here’s couple of pics with the jacket

 

[tricky_tran]

Gobble gobble peeps, I have to share a moment that just happened half hour ago. I had told you about the mechanic that introduced me to Bam Bam Bigelow,, well my wife informed me that she saw on Facebook that his wife passed away 3 weeks ago, and that he had posted how lonely he is. Well my in-laws live 5 minutes away from him so I decided to call him to tell him I’m stopping by for a minute. Well an hour n half later I’m getting ready to leave and told him I mentioned him in my little life story.
All sudden he goes hold on I got something to show you,, goes into his closet and pulls out
Bam Bam’s custom flame motorcycle jacket that Bammer wore on TV for 20yrs.
I was in shock when I saw it and right away had a spiritual moment with body chills and goosebumps,, I was literally shaking when he handed it to me. It was crazy , I couldn’t believe he had it , he told me Bam Bam gave it to him 2 months before he died. Wow I’m still in awe with a floodgate of memories rushing around in my head. What a great day ,, I miss my friend
Here’s couple of pics with the jacket

 

[Paulie069]

Ok so back to my little story, so I’m a fishing boat captain and I’m basically sober( except Oregano) no pills or cocaine and I haven’t been drunk in 15 years so doing ok so far,, at least I thought so. Being out in ocean can be tough on your mental health because you can spend days in the wheelhouse with nothing but your thoughts. And I just kept wondering if I was was just going thru the motions in life letting people think that I was ok,, I wasn’t. Even though I beat the drug demons I had no control of the pain and anger I still felt from my past. It totally crippled my insides so bad that I would go out on deck in middle of the night by myself and cry maybe let out a scream or 2,, I’m not sure what bothered me more ,, the feeling sad and crying,,, or the fact that I was in my mid forties and had daddy issues , I mean I’m suitors be a grown man. big professional wrestler, and the captain of a fishing boat. Like how would it look if the crew saw me like that I’m sure they’d lose respect for me as a Man, because we’re not allowed to have emotions or feelings and if we do we’re expected to suck it up and be a man. Well that’s what I’ve been doing for a long long time. And my pain consumed me so much I was basically absent from my family’s life most of the time, don’t get me wrong I was there physically but my mind was never there and I spent any time at home in a fog staring at the TV waiting for the next opportunity to leave and go in ocean. I love my family more than anything in the world and ther I was ignoring them and everything around me. This totally made me feel like a worthless father and husband, I began to think that everything my father said to me was right. I fell into a deep depression that was like a black hole and I couldn’t find my way out. Nobody knew the pain and conflic going on in my head, so nobody ever asked me if I was ok. I’m very good at hiding my feelings ( until now)
and acting like everything is ok.
That’s the way it was in my head for a few more years of me being there but not really there. I’m sure my children noticed because by this time their old enough to realize something is little off with dad, but still nobody ever asked
Things stayed this way until November of 2019, that’s when things got a little darker before it got better but what I went through in November ( was actually my 52nd birthday) was such a deep breakthrough of a surpresed memory Thur it bought me to me knees and had me shaking for hours. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with,, besides the death of my son,,
I’m gonna write about it in next entry ,, I’m just trying to work up the courage to get it out.
It changed my life for the better I believe,, but I had to experience the pain first so I could begin healing. Much love peeps

 

[Paulie069]

This is gonna be last part of my babbling story.
So it’s my birthday 2019, and I had a deep therapy session that afternoon,, well it wasn’t what I expected, fast forward a little bit and about an hour in all sudden I get a flashback of something I buried deep deep down in my memory. You see we were talking about pain n loss going on in my life and I remember saying ,, I’ve never felt this low and feel this kinda pain My therapist ask if I could ever recall feeling this way,, I start thinking real hard , flipping through moments in my life that were dark,, all sudden I’m in tears and trembling uncontrollably with shame n guilt as I had a repressed memory come straight to the surface. It was clear as day
I remember when I was 8 hrs old I was molested by the neighbors older kid, and when I told my father he , ( wow this is hard),, Beat the living **** out of me because he said I was lying. He thought I was just saying that to get the kid in trouble and didn’t believe me or even follow up n confront the neighbors,, it was the 70’s n all crap like that got swept under the rug, and nobody ever talked about it,, forget PSAs was no such thing really. The part that hurt worse than the beating or the fact I was molested was I had no one to turn to or talk to and had to live with the shame for my whole life, I think it’s part of the reason I started getting Tattoos so early ( first one at age 13) and by time I was in 8th grade I had 11 Tats already. All of em big n scary and thought of as satanic at the time,, it was my way of letting people know to stay away from me or get physically hurt. It was a total mask because on the inside I was a scared little boy ,, but could not let anyone see my weakness, and I just got more n more ink (47-49) tattoos in all I have. Maybe more
So that was my birthday last year all this came to a head
But I’m glad it did because somehow it released me from the demons that controlled my mind n thoughts ( I was nice on the outside n smiled ) but in my mind there was nothing but pain n hate. Even though I had been married a long time up to this point and had grown children, I still carried it around with me and it was a blockade to my internel happiness
But the flood gates opened it all came out and now I’m healing more n more every day.
R2R played a huge part of my recovery in becoming the person that would have made my mother proud and how Reefing helps my healing process
I know I said this is last part but I like to explain how much R2R had to do with how I’m making out today and how it helped change my thought process in the way I conduct myself. I’ll do that later tonight

 

[Paulie069]

Ok so let me explain how R2R has helped me in my healing process,, I had joined R2R about a month after my breakthrough at therapy and I just emerged myself into my seahorse addiction, I was searching for a seahorse chat website and I was bought to R2R seahorse forum. This is where I started learning about reefing for the first time. The one thing I didn’t expect was how awesome this website is and how it accepted me with open arms. I soon began to realize that the peeps here are very helpful and generous,, I read all the great things that all the reefers did for each other and how God played a big part of it, it got me thinking of the fact there was good people in the world still and it touched my heart and mind in a way that I never thought I could feel in my heart. It made me wanna become the person that I knew was inside of me,, one day I was trolling the site and came across a thread where a couple of peeps helped a fellow reefer with some equipment he needed,, as a joke I posted that my light broke and I couldn’t afford another one so if anyone wanted to send me one it would be cool, lol,,, I thought it was clear I was being funny as I never expect anything for free,, anyway I member pm’d me and asked for my address stating he would like to buy me a brand new light that cost over hundred dollars,, I told him that is a very very nice offer but I couldn’t possibly accept something for free when so many other people have much more serious problems than a aquarium light that doesn’t work,, well this person insisted that I accept the light and open myself to be able to embrace others help and not feel guilty about it. It took me a week to finally break down after talking it over with my wife (she knows how I am) and she reminded me of all the charity I did as a professional wrestler always giving my time and sometimes money to help others, so it’s ok to receive some help when needed and offered. Well I gave in and PM’d this person my address and a week later I had a brand new light for my tank
I told myself at that moment that I would spend my life ,, PAYING IT FORWARD,, and I’ve kept true to that, I myself have given thousands of dollars worth of equipment and live stock away for no charge, everything was Free to my fellow reefers as I reminded myself of the generosity of that one stranger/ now a close friend/. It all starts with one Random Act Of Kindness then snowballs from there
This is not the only site I’m on for reefing I’m also part of NJRC in which I’ve met so many awesome people and made bunch of new friends, and I feel I should give them a shoutout with lots of love and respect. Their also a big part of my healing
So here we are today and I’m still trying to better myself keeping in mind that first person that reached out to me ,, wish I could tell you who it is but they want to remain Anonymous
Well thank you to anyone that has followed along and shared their stories or just gave me words of encouragement God Bless R2R
Much much love and respect

 

[Paulie069]

Like to tag @revhtree to this thread