Spouse thinks reef lighting is tacky...

Eye H8 Empty V

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I recommend lying. Agree you don't like the blue look. You want more whitish lights... then switch it up on her
If this is a serious recommendation I disagree 100 fold. Lying to your wife never helps. Also doing it and tell her tough poop only builds resentment.

I didn’t read pages 2-5 so forgive me if anyone already posted this.

Ive got a feeling this isn’t the only area where she feels like she needs complete control. Ask her why it’s so important to her. Maybe as a child she didn’t have any control over her personal space. Or she had extremely controlling parents or siblings. Rarely is it about the subject.

This may sound extreme and over analytical but there are larger problems here and I suggest counseling. Marriage is all about compromise and you both need to figure out how to do that. I recommend counseling for everyone, not just relationships experiencing serious issues. If you can tackle this one you can avoid future conflicts and resolve differences much easier. Basically it’ll make your marriage stronger.

My $0.02
 
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Eye H8 Empty V

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Why don’t you incorporate a tank with a hood that hides the lights or any light that may escape from the sides? This way, all the light goes into the tank and not the surrounding ambient area.
My wife does not want to see my lights so on my build I’m incorporating an enclosure for them. Problem solved!
 

BradB

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I am divorced, so no relationship advice.

Most of the light spill in most tanks is poorly designed fixtures and reflectors.

I like the daylight/10k look, especially for fish.

I've been tempted to run a UV only tank with hardier corals, sort of a 60s blacklight reef. No idea if your wife would like it, but you definitely won't see light outside the tank.

Can you negotiate some sort of tradeoff? Do a low light 500 gallon tank.
 

pdxmonkeyboy

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Try telling her that her but looks tacky in whatever pants she is wearing that day.

Success may vary
 

CasaReefer

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Sounds like you want your own house soon! She’s watching you man! Haha...I seen you turn your head! :)
Yeah well I got the house..Car... Guns... Reef Tank... and she get me;) Everyone Wins....
 

arob1978

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I built mine as the kitchen table.
6CB1846C-0205-4623-A1B7-F41A19E24F80.jpeg
B2530B1D-CFBE-4E93-9A63-65ACA144704F.jpeg



So... yes, another thread on this topic.

A little background: My wife is VERY into aesthetics. If something doesn’t perfectly fit the room or it doesn’t look chic or stands out, she thinks it’s tacky or trashy. I don’t think she is completely opposed to the idea of me having a tank after she saw how great it looked and how much my little 9 month old daughter loved watching it before.

I was able to get a small tank Red Sea E170 with white cabinet in our current place we just sold since she worked with me to design a room around it, so it looked like it fit in more. The room was a loft on the interior of the house and was not visible from any windows. She hated the higher kelvin temp lighting because she thinks it looks tacky, especially if you could see it from a window from the outside of the home.

So, we are moving and building a new home, which meant renting for 3-4 months. Home should be done on March. I sold our tank and all livestock and shut everything down since I couldn’t have it while renting. Putting the money from sales aside to hopefully start a new tank next year. Of course being a reefer, I think about upgrades and having a larger system that is planned out to go in a specific room in our house and have a water station the the basement. She seemed on board and supportive at first, given our daughter’s interest in the tank.

As we are talking about the house and the design and look of the rooms, she just casually mentions, she has been thinking and she doesn’t want a tank in a place where people can see the “tacky bluish light” through a window... which rules out every room in the house other than the unfinished basement. So to me it feels like she just shut down the idea of a tank at all...

I really wanted the tank on the main floor, just so my daughter and I can enjoy it, and honestly don’t care about what people think of the color hue of light they can see through a window when they drive by our house... I think it is a little obsessive and frustrating that she cares so much that now I can’t have the tank in a main living space where I could enjoy it. I no longer see it worth the investment to put it somewhere where it is basically hidden and I don’t spend any time.

Any tips or ideas on how I can approach this? I know this hobby is a fulfilling and very fun one, and I’d rather not give it up if I don’t have to. Plus it might be a fun way to enjoy something and bond with my daughter as she gets older.
 

DonTavo27

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So... yes, another thread on this topic.

A little background: My wife is VERY into aesthetics. If something doesn’t perfectly fit the room or it doesn’t look chic or stands out, she thinks it’s tacky or trashy. I don’t think she is completely opposed to the idea of me having a tank after she saw how great it looked and how much my little 9 month old daughter loved watching it before.

I was able to get a small tank Red Sea E170 with white cabinet in our current place we just sold since she worked with me to design a room around it, so it looked like it fit in more. The room was a loft on the interior of the house and was not visible from any windows. She hated the higher kelvin temp lighting because she thinks it looks tacky, especially if you could see it from a window from the outside of the home.

So, we are moving and building a new home, which meant renting for 3-4 months. Home should be done on March. I sold our tank and all livestock and shut everything down since I couldn’t have it while renting. Putting the money from sales aside to hopefully start a new tank next year. Of course being a reefer, I think about upgrades and having a larger system that is planned out to go in a specific room in our house and have a water station the the basement. She seemed on board and supportive at first, given our daughter’s interest in the tank.

As we are talking about the house and the design and look of the rooms, she just casually mentions, she has been thinking and she doesn’t want a tank in a place where people can see the “tacky bluish light” through a window... which rules out every room in the house other than the unfinished basement. So to me it feels like she just shut down the idea of a tank at all...

I really wanted the tank on the main floor, just so my daughter and I can enjoy it, and honestly don’t care about what people think of the color hue of light they can see through a window when they drive by our house... I think it is a little obsessive and frustrating that she cares so much that now I can’t have the tank in a main living space where I could enjoy it. I no longer see it worth the investment to put it somewhere where it is basically hidden and I don’t spend any time.

Any tips or ideas on how I can approach this? I know this hobby is a fulfilling and very fun one, and I’d rather not give it up if I don’t have to. Plus it might be a fun way to enjoy something and bond with my daughter as she gets older.
If you’re building a house, why not build an in wall tank, with a dedicated fish room within the garage, that way all equipment is out of sight? Most people just use the garage for storage anyway. A fish room Dry walled off with no windows will eliminate most, if not all of her dislikes. You can add crown molding around the front pane, to make it look like an art frame. It’ll be a
“ Real work of art “
 

Admann

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OP, good luck, brother. I would take the basement and do what you want so there isn't any resentment on limiting activities, etc. Have at it down there!
[/QUOTE]
This is were my wife draws the line. I want the lamp so bad but she says you remember what happened to that lamp in the movie right.
My Wife bought the lamp for me, it sits next to the tank. We love that movie.
 

Revmh

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Yeah...we split after the Navy (which happens to lots of couples who make it through years of military - one of the higher peaks in divorce rates is few years after you get out).

I couldn't imagine the worry and stress she (and other military wives) go through. In many ways they have it much, much harder. I'm doing something I love. So if she wanted to put a few limits to "keep me safe", that was fine with me and was very happy to comply. And it's not like it was an ultimatum...just a simple "I'd really like not to have to worry about you all the time" kind of thing.
I thank you for your service and dedication!
 

BayouReefer

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Let’s be honest, right now it’s the color of the lights next it will be the sound of the constant running water after that it will be that you are spending all your time and attention on the tank. Stop trying to put a bandade on a gun shot wound. I say if you honestly Love her put your tank on hold for now repair the underlying issue whatever that may be. Then I bet you will be able to put your tank wherever you want with any color lights you want. Just my 2 cents
 

Jordan Prather

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Dont know if it was suggested or if it would work but what about an in wall set up it would prevent light spill you could even angle the lights towards the back of the tank. Run a whiter spectrum even halides dont have to go all led. But could add a single bar light such as reef brite or orphek just for pop when you want it. And to class it up if she likes that kinda thing you could frame it similar to a picture and you have a living art painting.
 
Best reef aquarium LED lighting

TheOne

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Just show her my tank. This isn't even turned all the way up. Creates a nice romantic atmosphere to really set the mood.

Only thing is you can't look directly at it or you could possibly end up with retina damage. If you look off to the side you will be fine though. My fish don't mind though because they are already blind. And yes for anybody wondering they were blind when I bought them.

PSX_20191206_033816.jpg
 
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Weller

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Paint the window it shines through black. Less algae too.
 

Magellan

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This thread made me feel so much better about my life. OP, I’m sorry. There aren’t any good solutions. Your wife is who she is, and you have a couple of options here. My own father chose to stick it out for the sake of us kids, and got a divorce after he finished putting us through college. He is MUCH happier with wife #2, who actually appreciates him and supports his passions. This was a really, really expensive option.

that’s option 1.

option 2, stop sacrificing your happiness for hers. This option is also expensive, and has it's own side effects. Your daughter will spend time at 2 different houses, and you will see less of her as she is growing up. But maybe this is for the best, and she will get to see her dad in a different and perhaps better light. Whichever option you choose, it’s going to suck. Just don’t choose option 1 and then wuss out in 5 years.

let’s face it..we all know this isn’t about the fish tank.
 

Nicko

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So... yes, another thread on this topic.

A little background: My wife is VERY into aesthetics. If something doesn’t perfectly fit the room or it doesn’t look chic or stands out, she thinks it’s tacky or trashy. I don’t think she is completely opposed to the idea of me having a tank after she saw how great it looked and how much my little 9 month old daughter loved watching it before.

I was able to get a small tank Red Sea E170 with white cabinet in our current place we just sold since she worked with me to design a room around it, so it looked like it fit in more. The room was a loft on the interior of the house and was not visible from any windows. She hated the higher kelvin temp lighting because she thinks it looks tacky, especially if you could see it from a window from the outside of the home.

So, we are moving and building a new home, which meant renting for 3-4 months. Home should be done on March. I sold our tank and all livestock and shut everything down since I couldn’t have it while renting. Putting the money from sales aside to hopefully start a new tank next year. Of course being a reefer, I think about upgrades and having a larger system that is planned out to go in a specific room in our house and have a water station the the basement. She seemed on board and supportive at first, given our daughter’s interest in the tank.

As we are talking about the house and the design and look of the rooms, she just casually mentions, she has been thinking and she doesn’t want a tank in a place where people can see the “tacky bluish light” through a window... which rules out every room in the house other than the unfinished basement. So to me it feels like she just shut down the idea of a tank at all...

I really wanted the tank on the main floor, just so my daughter and I can enjoy it, and honestly don’t care about what people think of the color hue of light they can see through a window when they drive by our house... I think it is a little obsessive and frustrating that she cares so much that now I can’t have the tank in a main living space where I could enjoy it. I no longer see it worth the investment to put it somewhere where it is basically hidden and I don’t spend any time.

Any tips or ideas on how I can approach this? I know this hobby is a fulfilling and very fun one, and I’d rather not give it up if I don’t have to. Plus it might be a fun way to enjoy something and bond with my daughter as she gets older.
Get a divorce
 
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