Spouse thinks reef lighting is tacky...

JaaxReef · Nov 28, 2019

I appreciate the perspective. I guess I was looking for ideas on how I can present compromise rather than talk about wife vs me. So I appreciate the comments and suggestions!

Aswswild · Nov 28, 2019

Yea I have always been into salt an my wife had a freshwater so she enjoys it an also does the water changes an cleaning also she built a canopy out of card bored an would so u can always go with canopy

CasaReefer · Nov 28, 2019

That only works if it is a true " Two Way Street " This dude is on a one way street and has been circling the block for years...Listen I get it . I have a wife. I got the den and the garage. She gets the rest.... I WIN....

CasaReefer · Nov 28, 2019

Ohhh and for the record..When we have people over... They hang in the den or in the garage the whole time... I Win...

Dj City · Nov 28, 2019

I might look at things a bit different than most.

I've never understood the concept of "my spouse won't LET me"

I'm a grown man. She is a grown woman. She can't let me or not let me do anything! I can't let her or not let her do anything.
We got together and married because we love each other. We can live with each other and we Respect each others thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires, wants and needs.

I ride motorcycles and hear dudes say...
Man, I really love motorcycles. I want one so bad but my wife won't let me.
She won't LET you?!?
Is she your wife or your mother? Are you a grown up or her kid?

I understand this might not apply to the OP in this situation (or maybe it does) but I wanted to voice this.

My wife won't Let me...
Humph...
I wish she would try that dumbness. I would LET her be single.

Quietman · Nov 28, 2019

Nice if you have the option...smaller place here so have to share. If I don't end up paying alimony, losing 60% of everything I have, buying a lawyer a new car and sleeping on lawn furniture in the cheapest apartment I can find...I WIN!!!! :)

Quietman · Nov 28, 2019

And think of all the money you'll save on the clarinet instead of reefing. :)

Seriously though, try some of the reasonable suggestions...she may appreciate you're willing to find a middle ground. If not, you're on your own with the other suggestions. :)

LadyMac · Nov 28, 2019

Dj City said:
I might look at things a bit different than most.

I've never understood the concept of "my spouse won't LET me"

I'm a grown man. She is a grown woman. She can't let me or not let me do anything! I can't let her or not let her do anything.
We got together and married because we love each other. We can live with each other and we Respect each others thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires, wants and needs.

I ride motorcycles and hear dudes say...
Man, I really love motorcycles. I want one so bad but my wife won't let me.
She won't LET you?!?
Is she your wife or your mother? Are you a grown up or her kid?

I understand this might not apply to the OP in this situation (or maybe it does) but I wanted to voice this.

My wife won't Let me...
Humph...
I wish she would try that dumbness. I would LET her be single.

My husband and I are like this. It’s not an “if I let him” or “of he lets me”. We discuss things and weigh the pros and cons. I’m his wife not his mom. He can do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants. Get anything he wants, as long as we have money to eat on. It’s the same with me (harder for me to go anywhere I want though since I don’t drive but you get the point) we are adults and we know how to be responsible with our wants.

That being said, if it’s ever a big decision, we do talk about it. It’s not like I’m going “Hey baby,I just bought a 3,000$ tank, we have to find a spot for it”.

Dj City · Nov 28, 2019

LadyMac said:
My husband and I are like this. It’s not an “if I let him” or “of he lets me”. We discuss things and weigh the pros and cons. I’m his wife not his mom. He can do whatever he wants, go wherever he wants. Get anything he wants, as long as we have money to eat on. It’s the same with me (harder for me to go anywhere I want though since I don’t drive but you get the point) we are adults and we know how to be responsible with our wants.

That being said, if it’s ever a big decision, we do talk about it. It’s not like I’m going “Hey baby,I just bought a 3,000$ tank, we have to find a spot for it”.

I wish I could hit the "like" button a few more times for this.

Quietman · Nov 28, 2019

My first wife and I had a deal about motorcycles...I don't get one. Not much of a deal I admit. ;)

But she also put up with 16 years of me being in the Navy on submarines during the cold war. Never hearing from me for months at a time, not knowing where I was or in which ocean, being in effect a single mom of 4 and then all the moves we made. So maybe on second thought, not such a bad deal after all.

Brew12 · Nov 28, 2019

If the issue is the color of the lighting, don't run your tank with heavy blue lighting or only do it for very short periods of time per day.
Personally, I'm not a fan of the heavily blue lit tanks. I run my tank with a what visually appears to be a white light even though it does have high blue content. I do run a fairly long ramp down through the more traditional blue settings as a sunset but it's far from necessary.
You will want to pick coral differently for a tank that has white lighting. Some of the more expensive corals floresse under the actinic lighting and don't look nearly as good under whites. Easily overcome by focusing on the color of the coral bodies under white lights.

Dj City · Nov 28, 2019

Quietman said:
My first wife and I had a deal about motorcycles...I don't get one. Not much of a deal I admit. ;)

But she also put up with 16 years of me being in the Navy on submarines during the cold war. Never hearing from me for months at a time, not knowing where I was or in which ocean, being in effect a single mom of 4 and then all the moves we made. So maybe on second thought, not such a bad deal after all.

You served your country. Thank you Sir. I for one appreciate your service and the sacrifices you've made.
You have helped to keep this country safe and taken care of your family in the process.

You deserve a motorcycle if you want one!
(I noticed you said 1st wife)

flsalty · Nov 28, 2019

CasaReefer said:
That only works if it is a true " Two Way Street " This dude is on a one way street and has been circling the block for years...Listen I get it . I have a wife. I got the den and the garage. She gets the rest.... I WIN....

Well you just made me miss my '67 fastback all over again...

Turning the basement into a mancave seems like a reasonable compromise to me.

Quietman · Nov 28, 2019

Dj City said:
You served hot country. I for one appreciate your service and the sacrifices you've made.

You deserve a motorcycle if you want one!
(I noticed you said 1st wife)

Yeah...we split after the Navy (which happens to lots of couples who make it through years of military - one of the higher peaks in divorce rates is few years after you get out).

I couldn't imagine the worry and stress she (and other military wives) go through. In many ways they have it much, much harder. I'm doing something I love. So if she wanted to put a few limits to "keep me safe", that was fine with me and was very happy to comply. And it's not like it was an ultimatum...just a simple "I'd really like not to have to worry about you all the time" kind of thing.

CasaReefer · Nov 28, 2019

Quietman said:
Yeah...we split after the Navy (which happens to lots of couples who make it through years of military - one of the higher peaks in divorce rates is few years after you get out).

I couldn't imagine the worry and stress she (and other military wives) go through. In many ways they have it much, much harder. I'm doing something I love. So if she wanted to put a few limits to "keep me safe", that was fine with me and was very happy to comply. And it's not like it was an ultimatum...just a simple "I'd really like not to have to worry about you all the time" kind of thing.

Well .. I just want to Thank You for your Service... and Holy Crap.. A Sub... Man I bet you got some Awesome drink a beer and tell me a Story " Stories "....

Jon Fishman · Nov 28, 2019

Honestly..... canopy to prevent light-spill..... don’t go all Jacques Cousteau on the blues, and run 6am to 4pm or so.....

Hard part will be explaining the strategy to her without being able to show her what it would look like etc. The “take my word for it, nobody outside will be able to tell”

Another thing to propose..... if you put some small landscaping/flood lights around the outside of the house, it will be harder for those on the outside of the house to see the lights inside.

There are retractable awnings, bushes, pergolas with stuff growing over it, fencing, etc etc. Possibilities are endless if you aren’t set on placing tank in front rooms, side room, back room, etc etc.

If the house is being built, I would think some type of aesthetically pleasing privacy barriers can be implemented.

i_am_mclovin · Nov 28, 2019

Even more reason to argue for a nice finished basement

S2G · Nov 28, 2019

It's lighting which is apart of a reef. It is what it is. No matter what you do it's going to be tacky to her. There's really no way around it. It really depends on how much nad you have to where the tank goes lol

Hemmdog · Nov 28, 2019

Explain to her the windex blue isn’t tacky, it’s actually very classy and only the best lights give that glow. If you want to see tacky lights show her any set of stupid current USA’s and their garbage daylight spectrum that doesn’t grow anything.