What is nice

[MnFish1]

Before anyone thinks this is a critique of other posts or the TOS - it is not.

This is what it is:

I have been accused of being 'not nice'. and sometimes I was not. We can possibly ascribe that to alcohol consumption - but perhaps it was mere disagreement. In any case - I think there is a varying opinion as to 'what is nice'. Independent of the site - what does this mean?

 

[MnFish1]

Before anyone thinks this is a critique of other posts or the TOS - it is not.

This is what it is:

I have been accused of being 'not nice'. and sometimes I was not. We can possibly ascribe that to alcohol consumption - but perhaps it was mere disagreement. In any case - I think there is a varying opinion as to 'what is nice'. Independent of the site - what does this mean?

The reason for for the question is not to question the site - or the mods - it was a general question. Is answering a question - with a negative answer (i.e. I dont agree ) not nice? Is it up to a moderator (all good) - to decide 'whats nice' - or is nice something that maybe shoudl be considered personal.

The reason I ask - is that I saw a post from someone of high importance here - today - criticizing others - and - frankly (I agreed with him) - some could say - it wasn't nice.). This is perhaps one of those threads destined for the dumpster. but I was actually curious - what is nice - with no agenda

 

[User1]

I actually have a rule that I follow and have passed along to my children. If you wouldn't say it to someone's face then it isn't nice. It is up to the world to be able to have conversations without getting into a fistacuff. Sadly, that doesn't happen as much before you are labeled or censored.

 

[Greg P]

I've been somewhat abrasive sometimes here on Reef2Reef, and some of it can be attributed to wobbly pops, but much of it is because I'm Sooo tired of seeing the same questions posted that "anyone can find the info they need from Google".

"Hi, I'm new here and I need help" ... just start READING info before you start a tank.

Seriously, if you need help with "anything", just type your needs into a Google search with Reef2Reef and you'll find almost any answer to any Saltwater question you could ever imagine ;)

 

[Greg P]

what is nice - with no agenda

I think I've been 'not nice' many times, so I guess I'll not get the Hospitality Award anytime soon ...

 

[TheWB]

what is nice - with no agenda

I usually don’t wade into these waters but I’ll give it a brief shot. I don’t think there’s anything not nice about telling someone they are wrong or giving an answer that is negative. What isn’t nice is when it’s done with snark or condescension. I don’t buy the often referenced “that’s just the way I talk/write” excuse some people use to try and excuse a harsh tone. People know what they are doing. If you are really trying to help it just isn’t that hard to write a thoughtful response even if you think you‘re responding to someone who doesn’t deserve one. Being unkind is a choice. My 2 cents

 

[Greg P]

Why do we see so many posts in the Emergency threads, and many are not a problem to begin with ...

Maybe, at least in my case, I should just stay away from the forum, because I find all these newbie questions irritating ...
In this era of electronic data, why is it so difficult to do a Google search, instead of wasting all the space on this site with repeat questions?

This is where the 'not so nice' starts ... :rolleyes:

 

[DSC reef]

Why do we see so many posts in the Emergency threads, and many are not a problem to begin with ...

Maybe, at least in my case, I should just stay away from the forum, because I find all these newbie questions irritating ...
In this era of electronic data, why is it so difficult to do a Google search, instead of wasting all the space on this site with repeat questions?

This is where the 'not so nice' starts ... :rolleyes:

I think you missing the point of the forum. If it bothers you so much maybe you shouldn't read all these "newbie posts". Most of us enjoy helping others and is why we are here. Some members might not be used to a forum or have no idea what to look up. I definitely take your posts in this thread as not nice and very unwelcoming, almost on purpose.

 

[Greg P]

I definitely take your posts in this thread as not nice and very unwelcoming, almost on purpose.

See, it's not so hard to come across as 'not nice'
I'll do better in the future ;Blackeye

 

[Katrina71]

I understand. I remember thinking pods crawling everywhere was like a roach infestation. It totally freaked me out. Some people, myself included, dive in blindly. Probably without even knowing it.

 

[Gareth elliott]

Sometimes its also difficult to know if the source you google is up to date or even relevant to the question at hand. How much livestock is lost by someone unknowingly finding an ad, or some scientific study that found results never replicated.

On this forum there is untold years of anecdotal experience on most topics, and sometimes asking a question in a new way, may lead to a different answer that is now available for those In the future.

The above i find really useful for diy projects where they want to x but with the tools they have on hand. As home aquarists we are always the first to push the possible a little further than a public aquarium, research facility or aquaponics company.

That edge of whats possible today and whats possible tomorrow doesn't falter without the questions. :)

 

[revhtree Verified Admin]

Why do we see so many posts in the Emergency threads, and many are not a problem to begin with ...

Maybe, at least in my case, I should just stay away from the forum, because I find all these newbie questions irritating ...
In this era of electronic data, why is it so difficult to do a Google search, instead of wasting all the space on this site with repeat questions?

This is where the 'not so nice' starts ... :rolleyes:

My friend you are at the wrong place then! Ha! Not only are we happy for new people to have questions we encourage them to ask them. And yes even if it’s been asked 1000000 times. Why? Because there will always be new people looking for answers and not everyone knows how to search for the answer. Just steer clear of the things that irritate you because we want everyone to feel welcome and want them to feel like their questions are important.

Thank you. :)

 

[saltyhog]

Being "nice" is very subjective. The question I ask myself is, is what I'm typing going to make people who read it react negatively? Even criticism can be expressed in a way that doesn't offend. It certainly takes more effort and I don't always make that effort unfortunately! We are all imperfect human beings and we WILL mess up from time to time. For me, part of not "being nice" is not being consistently negative but being consistently positive with the occasional human failures we all have.

Chronically making threads/posts that are negative without any intent to make things better as a reefer, person, or citizen would be a very big part of "not being nice" in my opinion.

 

[Daniel@R2R Verified Admin]

I'll take a stab at answering the question about being nice. First, as one person already pointed out, it's not "not nice" to disagree with someone...it is when that disagreement becomes condescension. For example, saying, "hey, I don't agree that X is the best way to get Y" isn't a problem. It's when the reply is a personal attack like, "only an idiot would think that X could possibly get Y" or "Dude, use your brain! X is always gonna equal Y." Additionally telling people things like "stop whining," "grow up," or other such "suggestions" imply immaturity or other negative character traits about someone... which is again, condescension.

Lastly, try to stay on topic in a discussion and avoid condescension. If you find there's someone or something you repeatedly get irritated with, walk away. That's why we actually have an "ignore" feature you can use. :) One thing that has helped me is to back up and read my own post and ask, "If I were the person receiving the comment I'm about to make, would I receive it well, or would I find it condescending or 'not nice'?" HTH

 

[stanleo]

I do the google search before I post and it's usually anecdotal and outdated answers at best. And asking a question here is easier than google because sometimes you don't know how to phrase the question in a way that is going to give you the best results. The thing I learned most from this forum is how to ask a question and what information people needed in order to give me the best advice. You aren't going to learn that on google. Now that I have been active on this forum for so long I can search in google "white worm on glass in reef tank" and SOMETIMES find a pic of what I am seeing but I have to sift through a lot of junk.

 

[stanleo]

I remember trying to make a DIY auto topoff and I watched videos and read up on how to do it and I couldn't figure it out, just wasn't working for me. I asked on here how to do it and someone said that I needed to learn how to do it. Duh, that's why I was asking the question and I already tried to educate myself on it. I was asking it here hoping someone could tell me what I was missing. There is a LOT that goes into a reef tank and it's easy to miss little things when doing your research and super easy to ask Google or the LFS something and get the wrong answer. If you want to use this forum for just your own advancement in the hobby without enjoying helping others that is fine, but don't be rude to the new people who want help. If you can't say it nicely, let someone else do it.

 

[S2G]

Before anyone thinks this is a critique of other posts or the TOS - it is not.

This is what it is:

I have been accused of being 'not nice'. and sometimes I was not. We can possibly ascribe that to alcohol consumption - but perhaps it was mere disagreement. In any case - I think there is a varying opinion as to 'what is nice'. Independent of the site - what does this mean?

I don't know you but since you asked I'll give you my opinion just looking at your posts.

It's not that you're not nice just blunt and not argumentative...but I guess you like to have the last word lol There's a bunch here like that.

Personally I don't mind, but to the more sensitive people I can see how it can be not nice. To be fair there's a ton of touchy people so it can be hard to navigate without stepping on toes. Your pros are way ahead of you're perceived "rudeness" imho. Merry xmas - Twitter's full

 

[stanleo]

Merry xmas - Twitter's full

Just so you know, I'm steeling this.

 

[S2G]

Just so you know, I'm steeling this.

Feel free lol

 

[Greybeard]

Welcome to the club. Yeah, I've been called mean... and lots of other things with similar meanings in less family friendly terms. It's not true, really... I'm not mean, I'm direct, opinionated, and don't believe in political correctness. You say something parroted from popular culture without being able to back it up, and I'll jump right down your throat. No hard feelings... consider it constructive criticism :)

Imagine how boring the world would be if we all agreed on everything. <shudder>

Nothing wrong with disagreeing. Being dismissive of someone else? Ok, that's not nice.

So.. someone posting a poll regarding quarantining, with the following poll choices: 1) I quarantine everything, or 2) I don't care if my fish die

That's not nice. Yes, there was a poll like that on here a while back. Dismissive. Yeah, I had a problem with it.

I see that sort of thing from time to time. Someone so convinced that their way is 'right' as to completely disregard anyone who doesn't agree with them.

Actual mean spirited posts? You're an idiot, please get out of the hobby, you don't deserve (whatever)… I don't see much of that around here.

Guy with a used 29g tank and a HOB penguin filter tends to get dismissed... I was quite successful keeping marine fishes alive for decades using gear like that, or even less advanced than that. Just because it's not your style, doesn't mean it's wrong. Give the guy a little credit for at least trying.

Oh, and all youse guido's on the tang police squad... keep it to yourself :D